Str8Curious: Does Liking Trans Women Mean I'm Not Straight?

Str8Curious: I’m Attracted to Trans Women. What Does That Say About My Sexuality?

Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at [email protected]).

The Question

“I am a straight man attracted to trans women. But if I am with a trans woman, particularly one who has not gone through gender reassignment surgery, does that make me gay?” – Gerald, Dallas, TX

The Answer

Considering the current political climate, this is an extremely sensitive topic. I implore any dude who may be feeling conflicted feelings about aspects of his sexuality to consult a respected LGBTQ+ organization for additional information and mental health services.

But in the interest of providing immediate assistance and offering my own advice, I’ll give this one a go.

The first question you need to ask yourself is “why am I attracted to trans women?” As members of the trans community experience an onslaught of vicious attacks, both physically and through dangerous rhetoric, it’s important to not fetishize their already-marginalized existence. Trans women are not here to fulfill some type of sexual fantasy — they’re living, breathing human beings with wants, hopes, and dreams just like any other woman.

That said, the way in which trans women (and all trans and non-binary people, frankly) are treated as a whole is quite despicable and we, as a society, need to do better to ensure that they feel safe and protected.

While we’re on the topic of society and its laundry list of problems, I want to call out those who consider straight men hooking up, dating, and/or marrying a trans person to be some type of shameful action. Shame is buying a used Coach wristlet at a garage sale. Shame is shitting your pants in an Uber after taking an off-brand edible. Shame is attending church every weekend, yet going out of your way to be an asshole to a service person. Shame is not a natural attraction to a human being who you respect and love. In fact, if more men simply admitted this attraction, trans people may not receive the same amount of widespread hatred.

The reality, unfortunately, is that this hatred will likely be around for quite some time, or at least in the United States where people fear what they don’t know and weaponize people’s lives for personal gain. We have a lot of work to do and drastic change is not going to happen overnight, but that shouldn’t stop us from leading with kindness and compassion.

With regards to whether or not you’re a flaming homo because some trans women may still possess a penis, I’d say focus less on the labels and more on the person (which I’ve also advised if you like to get your butt eaten or have a curiosity about banging a boy).

Sexuality, like most things in life, is on a spectrum. While some of us may be 100 percent gay or 100 percent straight, most of us fall somewhere in the middle. Whether you fall in love with a woman, a man, a trans person or non-binary person, it’s because you find the total package to be appealing. And if they happen to still have, well, a package (whether by choice or lack of financial resources), physical characteristics are not the only things that define a person’s gender. Any trans person will tell you that it’s rooted within their soul.

So, does being attracted to trans women make you gay? No. Trans women are women and if you’re a man and are only attracted to women, you’re still straight. However, some trans people might argue that your attraction does imply a certain queerness, as it is technically outside of cis- and heteronormativity.

But what is normal, anyway?

The most important thing to keep in mind is that, regardless of labels, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to trans people. They’re sexy and funny and complicated and mysterious and strange, just like cis people are.

Now is the time to care less about what society tells you to do and, instead, consider being unabashedly vocal about your freedom to love who you love.

As a result, you may even be a champion for a community that is subjected to layers of unnecessary torment and ridicule. This is easier said than done, of course, but it starts with an acceptance of the fact that being into trans women doesn’t completely define you as a person, so why should we completely define a person as just being trans?

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Source: AskMen