Losing Your Virginity: 7 Embarrassing Things to Avoid Doing

Different Mistakes Lots of Guys Make When Having Sex for the First Time

Sex holds a special place in modern life. It’s something that everyone seems to want more of, but no one will talk about openly.

As you can imagine, that can send confusing messages to guys who’ve never had sex before. And with all that confusion, it’s no surprise that men experience less-than-ideal first sexual situations.

People frame “virginity” as a bad title that you need to shed in order to be a full adult, and in their haste to get rid of their shameful V-card, guys can potentially stumble in a number of different ways.

Whether you’re nervously anticipating your first time or it’s something you did years ago, here are 7 common mistakes men can make when having sex for the very first time.

Rushing Into It

There’s this common narrative that guys are exposed to growing up about how sexual prowess makes you manly, and by the same token, male virgins are considered embarrassing and weak. While that’s not true, if you hear things like that when you’re young, it can seriously influence how you see sex — as an achievement you need to unlock in the video game of your life, rather than a special moment between you and another person.

As a result, lots of young guys try to have sex for the first time despite not being ready. Even with a willing partner, that can lead to all kinds of negative consequences. They could regret their actions in retrospect, realize it was coercive in nature, potentially lead to an unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection, or even change the nature of a relationship or friendship in a way that they might not be emotionally prepared for.

Pressuring a Partner

That urge to have sex as soon as possible can also have negative effects on a guy’s partner. Having sex for the first time is an incredible intimate, personal and potentially powerful thing — something you’ll probably remember for the rest of your life — but too many people experience being pressured into it by a partner who doesn’t want to wait for them to be ready.

Don’t be that partner. You’ll never know whether they’re agreeing because they’ve decided they really want to or to escape the feeling of being pressured. People shouldn’t do anything sexual until they’re ready, and making demands, bargaining or pleading are not going to make someone feel ready. You want your first time to be a good time for both of you, not something the other person resents you for.

Not Using a Condom

Condoms aren’t necessarily exciting, but they are important. Being protected against potential pregnancy is important for guys having penis-in-vagina sex, and being protected against potentially contracting a sexually transmitted infection is important for guys having any kind of sex.

Having sex for the first time without using a condom isn’t just a recipe for potentially negative outcome, it’s also starting off on a very bad foot. You might be tempted to keep skipping the condom the next time you have sex, and the time after that until you get hit with the consequences.

Not Talking About It First

In the heat of the moment, you might not be in the headspace to have a serious conversation about sex. Understandable, sure, but if you’re in a relationship with someone that you hope to have sex with for the first time, you owe it to both of you to engage in a serious conversation about sex beforehand. It’s necessary to find out what you both think about it, what your wants, needs and fears are, and what you find gross, weird or confusing.

Knowing what the other person thinks and feels about sex is paramount not just for having a good first time, but for having good sex at all at any point in your life.

Not Knowing Anything About Sex

A lack of adequate sex education growing up means that guys can enter their first sexual encounter without really knowing how everything works — what their partner’s body parts look like, how to treat them, how long sex is supposed to last, and so forth.

This can be especially pronounced for guys whose first experience is with penis-in-vagina penetration. If they don’t have any familiarity with vaginas, they might be lacking crucial details about the need to make sure their partner is well-lubricated before attempting penetration, or even fingering.

Not Understanding Consent

Even more important than understanding the physical mechanics of sex is understanding how sexual consent works. Consent is the cornerstone of sex, meaning both partners feel like the other person has their interests at heart, and neither person is scared of what the other person might do.

Consent is not just a good sexual practice to understand and follow, it’s necessary. Without consent, you have traumatic experiences; you have sexual assault and rape. Even if you want something really bad, you need to understand that the other person has to genuinely want it too for it to happen.

If you don’t understand consent, you’re likely to cause your partner traumatic experiences that could qualify as sexual assault or even rape. If your partner doesn’t understand consent, you might be the victim. Understanding consent is the most important thing you can do when it comes to preparing to have sex for the first time.

Bragging About It Afterwards

When you’re done having your first sexual experience, whether taking, giving or both, the instinct can be to tell people. You’re feeling overwhelmed or excited, and you want to share that that feeling pure happiness with others.

However, the ways in which you share your good news can end up making for a negative experience, especially for your partner if they’re not expecting to have details of this intimate moment spread around. There’s still the sexist double-standard known as “slut shaming” that often means women get shamed or punished for the exact same things men get celebrated for.

If you’re excited by what just happened, great! But before you go sharing all the details, check in with your partner about who you both agree gets to know and who doesn’t. Screenshots of text messages, snippets of overheard details (or worse, photos or video), can spread quickly through a social group’s gossip chain, and once the information is out there, it can be difficult or impossible to fix that.

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Source: AskMen