Could you be unintentionally telling him that you just aren’t interested in him?
By Clay Andrews — Updated on Apr 12, 2023
Photo: Andrii Nekrasov / Shutterstock
I know that you’d probably never intentionally try to turn away that hot guy you’ve been eyeing for weeks now, hoping he’ll notice you or work up the courage to ask you out. However, you might be doing just that.
There could be small subtle cues you send out through how you carry yourself and behave around him that tell him that you aren’t interested in connecting with him, getting to know him, or having a relationship with him and dating. Even if you really do want all of those things.
Let’s talk about what these are so you can be more aware of the messages you’re sending out to the men you see and meet on a daily basis.
Here are six ways you unintentionally tell him you’re not interested:
1. Analyzing whether he likes you
This kind of thinking pulls you out of the present moment and shoots you right into your head.
Unfortunately, analyzing whether he likes you isn’t going to do much toward building a spark of romance or connection, because the only way that you can feel attraction and connection is in the present moment.
If you’re too “in your head” analyzing whether or not he likes you, he won’t feel connected to you and he might take that as a sign that you aren’t interested in him.
2. Thinking of what you’re going to say next
The same can be said about trying to think of what you’re going to say next in a conversation. This also destroys the connection because you’re not in the present moment.
When you’re thinking of what you are going to say at the next opportunity, you often miss out on small moments of connection because you simply weren’t paying attention to what was happening right in front of you.
He might be left thinking that you just don’t care enough to notice his mood, his concern, or other small things. This leaves him feeling disconnected and losing attraction for you.
So stop trying to think of the next thing to say, and let your curiosity at the moment guide you.
3. Worrying if he thinks you’re attractive
Getting caught up in whether he is attracted to you is self-defeating behavior because it ironically destroys attraction.
When you are focused too much on how others see you, it focuses all your attention on you rather than on the people around you.
It should be pretty obvious that focusing your attention on yourself and worrying about whether you are attractive is going to kill the connection because you won’t really be interacting with him at all.
In fact, he might think that you just aren’t interested in him at all.
4. Trying to ‘get’ something from him
Whether that be “a boyfriend” or “a relationship” or anything else, trying to get something from him isn’t going to feel good.
It’s going to feel like you see him as more of a means to an end than as an actual person you can connect with.
It’s true that relationships and partners can be great things to have in our lives, however, it’s not the fact that we have a partner or a relationship that makes it so great. It’s the individual connection we have with that person that does.
So, don’t forget to connect with him as a human being rather than a means to an end and you’ll be much more likely to send the right message to him: “Hey, I like you!”
5. Pretending to always be happy around him
It’s true that no one likes being around someone who is a downer. However, that doesn’t mean that you should go in the opposite direction and be 100 percent happy all the time.
We’re all human beings, and as such, we experience a full spectrum of emotions ranging from fear, excitement, anxiety, sadness, and, yes, even happiness.
Trying to be happy all the time isn’t normal and it makes it harder for him to connect with you. If he really likes you, he’ll want to see every emotion that you have to offer, even the unpleasant ones.
Our emotions are how we connect with other people, and by only showing one emotion (happiness), you are only allowing him to connect with you when you are both happy.
Truth be told, if you’re forcing yourself to be happy around him and he isn’t happy at that moment, it might just highlight how out of sync the two of you are. Instead of being drawn to you for your happy attitude, he’ll just be left thinking that you have nothing in common.
Instead of trying to be happy all the time, focus more on being genuine with your emotions and having empathy for how he’s feeling.
6. Not speaking your mind
When some women like a man, they tend to simply just agree with everything he says. It’s understandable that you want to make things go smoothly and seem pleasing, however, this isn’t really great for letting him know you’re interested.
A man doesn’t want to be with someone who just bobbles her head in agreement with everything he says.
Instead, we want women who will be honest and forthright with us. We want a woman who cares enough to voice how she is really feeling and what she really thinks.
That’s how you get our attention and attract men.
Simply nodding your head in agreement can be a put-off because it can feel as if you don’t care enough to share what you’re actually feeling or thinking with us.
These are just a few ways that women can unconsciously tell a man that she isn’t interested in him. Maybe you’ve seen a few things in this that you may have done in the past. That’s fine. The important thing is to learn your lesson and move on to the future with greater awareness.
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Clay Andrews is a relationship coach and founder of Attract the One. He specializes in helping people repair, save and build relationships.