Str8Curious: Are All Gay Men Hypersexual?

Why Do Gay Men So Often Seem Like They’re Super Sexual?

Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at [email protected]).

The Question

“It seems like gay men are obsessed with sex. When they’re not having it, they’re talking about it. And when they’re not talking about it, they’re probably thinking about it. As a straight man, I definitely love sex and frequently find it top of mind, but are gay men having more of it or is this just a stereotype?” – Dennis, Anaheim, CA

The Answer

Growing up as a good little Catholic boy, I struggled with this very question. After all, how was I going to land a ticket to Heaven if I was forced to partake in weekend orgies, sex cruises, and steam-room handjobs?

While sexcapades like these are a significant part of gay culture, they certainly don’t represent the norm. Gays, like the horse in The Wizard of Oz, come in many colors — and it’s unfair to paint broad strokes when defining a large subsect of people.

For example, I consider myself to be an inherently sexual person (the wind can pick up and I get aroused), but it’s not something I always act upon. My right hand and a bootleg Sean Cody video is much preferred over a Grindr hookup or sitting in a bar like some kind of human velociraptor, eyeing men like they’re the dangling cow from Jurassic Park (and hoping they’ll soon end up in my pen).

That said, I’m not judging gay dudes who want and need to have sex every day, but it’s careless to label us all as dick-starved deviants who want nothing more than to get freaky in the sheets. So why do gay guys seem hornier and freakier than everyone else sometimes?

1. In a Homophobic World, Gay Sex Is a Powerful Act

Sex is a celebrated act in our community because it’s this very act, between two men, that defines (and sometimes ostracizes) us as gay people. What is ‘homosexual,’ after all, without some homos getting sexual?

So we attempt to flip the script and turn a history of shame into freedom and liberation. (“I will suck that dick and have butt sex if I want to!”) Ultimately, gay men sometimes embrace sex because for us, it can feel like an act of beautiful rebellion, beyond just feeling good in a physical sense.

2. Guys Are Better at Separating Sex From Emotion

Gay sex is sex between two dudes. And guess what? Growing up, men are much less likely to be taught to associate sex and romance. So it’s much easier for two dudes to easily cut to the chase and remove any emotional element, because they have a mutual understanding of how their dicks operate.

This isn’t to say that women can’t have meaningless sex to satisfy an itch, or that gay guys never catch feelings, but there is an advantage in communication style when both guys are thinking with their penises. Blow ‘n’ gos are quick, easy, and uncomplicated.

3. Unlike Women, Men Are Taught to Embrace Their Urges

In some ways, gay men simply have it better when it comes to our relationship to sex. I know what you’re probably thinking: Gay men, who experience an onslaught of homophobia, are privileged?

And, well, yes and no. Not in the white straight male sense, but because we are men, growing up, we weren’t taught that it was wrong to have or express desire in the same way women were.

Growing up, women are often slut-shamed and labeled as whores (like Lil Kim and Christina Aguilera sang about in “Can’t Hold Us Down”) if they embrace their sexuality. This is simply wrong, and if you consider yourself a true feminist, you’d encourage a woman’s right to get dick whenever and however she wants.

4. Men May Just Be Hornier Than Women

It’s in our DNA. There’s research to suggest that thanks to higher levels of testosterone, we’re hardwired to be hornier. So when two men are considering getting it on, they may just be mathematically more likely to seal the deal than a hetero pairing.

But as with everything in life, we’re all on different parts of a spectrum. There are super horny women, and men who may have been nuns in past lives. There are also non-binary folks who may feel asexual or enjoy sex with one gender more than the other.

Diversity is what makes this world so wonderful and we should accept the fact that sex is a very natural part of everyday life that should be embraced and not chastised, no matter who you are and who you want to bang.

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Source: AskMen