Watching Porn With Your Partner Can Benefit Your Relationship — Should You Try It?

6 Tips for Couples Looking to Watch Porn Together to Foster Sexual Intimacy

6 Tips for Couples Looking to Watch Porn Together to Foster Sexual Intimacy

Ask a guy in a relationship if he’s watched porn and, to no real surprise, you’ll hear a resounding “yes, of course I have.”

As for asking a couple if they’ve watched porn together? That might receive a much different response. While most research on the topic of porn and intimacy has found that it can do more harm than it does good, that research has mainly focused on individual partners, not the couple participating as a whole.

A new study published in Frontiers in Psychology examined the effects of watching porn with your partner, and the findings were pretty eye-opening. As it turns out, queueing up some explicit content together is associated with greater relationship functioning and satisfaction (including in your sex life). Researchers found that watching porn alone actually has the inverse effect, worsening the quality of the relationship — but that’s only true if their romantic partner rarely or never does the same. In other words, it seems to matter whether both partners are on the same page with their porn-watching habits, and in general, watching together seems to be better for their bond than doing it solo. 

A 2021 survey conducted by Bespoke Surgical revealed that a whopping 76% of Americans feel comfortable viewing porn with a partner. Clearly, norms are evolving, taboos and stigmas are fading, and more and more couples are getting sexually adventurous. Experts, for what it’s worth, say this is a really good thing.

“When the porn is being used to express needs, wants, and desires then it becomes a useful tool for couples,” says Avigail Lev, a licensed clinical psychologist at the Bay Area CBT Center.

Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author, adds that porn watching can not only be a bonding experience, but also introduce some much-needed novelty in a long-term relationship, thereby reigniting the sexual spark.

Not exactly sure how to bring it up watching porn with your partner? That’s what we’re here for. Heed experts’ tips below and read on for some more information all the positive benefits it’ll have on your relationship.

6 Tips for Couples Looking to Watch Porn Together for the First Time

1. Ease Into It

Rachel Sommer, PhD, a clinical sexologist and co-founder of My Sex Toy Guide, advises starting by expressing your desire to spice things up. Invite your partner to share some new things they’d like to try, and when it’s your turn, you can propose watching something potentially arousing.

Rather than going for anything hardcore right off the bat, O’Neill advises easing in with something milder, like a mainstream movie known for having steamy sex scenes. And if you really need a conversation starter, why not use the aforementioned research? Experts suggest saying something like, “Hey, I read this really interesting study that found watching porn together can be good for your relationship. What do you think of that? Can I share the link so you can read it?”

You might be able to gauge based on their reaction how open they are to the idea.

2. Time It Right

Experts agree that timing is everything when bringing up the subject of watching porn together.

According to both Sommer and O’Neill, these are some other guidelines you should follow in timing the conversation right:

Don’t bring it up when your partner is stressed or busy
Don’t try to talk to them about it after a long, tiring day at work. Instead, consider asking them on a lazy Sunday over coffee, when you’re both feeling relaxed
Don’t approach this topic in the bedroom when you’re starting to get physical, which could unnecessary pressure on your partner in the moment

3. Dig Into Why You Want to Start Watching Porn Together

Before you watch the porn together, Lev strongly suggests discussing the purpose first. Are you looking for inspiration, like new sexual positions to try? Or are you hoping to gain insight into what turns your partner on?

Whatever the goal is, get clear on that in your initial conversation. 

4. Keep an Open Line of Communication 

“You should be aware that particularly if your partner has never watched porn before, they may become flooded with all kinds of thoughts and questions, and you will need to stop and discuss,” says O’Neill. “You might also suggest a follow-up discussion so your partner can think further on their own before making a decision.”

Jennifer Litner, sexologist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness, says it’s important to also check-in after you do watch porn together to process and reflect on the experience together. That way, you can make sure it was comfortable, fun, and fulfilling for both of you.

Take some time to share what it felt like, what you enjoyed and what you didn’t, what you might do differently next time, and what emotions came up while watching.

5. Set Some Boundaries

Especially if your partner has expressed any fears, concerns, or overall hesitation about watching porn with you, you may want to set some clear ground rules for your porn-watching experience to ensure it doesn’t trigger any hurt or uncomfortable feelings.

“Talk about one another’s expectations,” says Litner. “Are you wanting to explore a specific website together? Would you prefer to listen to or read an erotic story together? Are there types of dynamics/behaviors you do not want to watch — and if so, what are they?”

As for specific boundaries to set, O’Neill advises addressing the following:

Where and when will you watch porn together? How much time will you spend on it?
Do you agree that this is private and confidential?
How do you feel if the other person watches porn without you?
How do you feel about masturbating while watching porn together?
Which specific categories of porn are you both interested in watching, and which are off-limits?

6. Be Prepared To Take “No” for an Answer

“If your partner isn’t interested in watching porn with you, try to understand why,” says Lev. 

Once you’re able to figure out the root reason they’re not into it, you might be able to strike a compromise. For instance, consider letting them pick out the porn that you watch, make a pact to only watch it together, or agree that you’ll only watch 10-15 minutes together as a component of foreplay.

According to Litner, it’s super important that you’re able to listen actively and empathetically when your partner is expressing their fears and concerns. 

“Perhaps they feel shy about it or maybe they do not find porn to be enjoyable for them,” explains Litner.

If they are still not on board, “let your partner know that you respect their decision,” says Lev.

Just because your partner isn’t open to it doesn’t mean they never will be in the future. The more patience, compassion, and respect you can show them, the more likely they are to open themselves up to trying new things with you down the line. 

What It Means to Be: Monogamous
Anxious Attachment Style: What You Need to Know
The Art of Being a Gentleman When Ending a Relationship

Source: AskMen