The Dos and Don'ts of Hiring a Dominatrix

The Dos and Don’ts of Hiring A Dominatrix, Explained (By a Real Dominatrix)

Have you ever dreamed of a woman dressed up in latex and lingerie whacking your testicles with a baseball bat? Do you want a nurse to give you a “physical” that ends in you being pegged? Do you get turned on by the idea of being flogged for an hour while you simultaneously getting verbally degraded?

It seems like it might — at least a little bit — or you wouldn’t have clicked on this article, right? If so, there’s a good chance that your sexual fantasies aren’t exactly vanilla. Whether you’ve got a little (or gigantic) submissive streak, you’re into some hardcore kinks, or you’re not quite sure how to define it, but you know what turns you on, there’s good news for you.

The good news is that dominatrices exist, and they’re here to give you your every wish. I should know — I am one. We’re beautiful, well-trained, and willing to electrify you with a battery-operated device if you want us to. What’s not to like?

Before you actually hire a dominatrix to let you be her puny slave, however, there are a few things you should know to make sure things go smoothly for everybody involved:

1. DO: Understand the Difference Between Different Types of Mistresses

Not all dominatrices are the same — in terms of specialties, amount of experience (people aren’t born knowing how to properly do urethral sounding, OK?), what they’re willing to do, or where they work. It’s a good idea to know, for instance, the differences between a domme working in a dungeon and a domme who operates on her own.

Dungeons can be a great place to have a fantastic session, in particular because there’s more variety on offer. If you seek out hiring a pro domme who is independent (which basically means she’s operating outside of a dungeon, has her own dungeon, or rents out spaces in various dungeons) that usually means she’s worked in a dungeon (or various) for a while training and learning what works best for her.

It’s important when choosing between an independent or a dungeon mistress to understand that dommes in the dungeons only make a portion of what you’re actually paying. If you’re paying $300, it’s possibly they’re only making $100 of that because the owner of the dungeon takes a cut to pay for the space and for coordinating the session.

2. DON’T: Try to Pay Without Tipping

I don’t know who raised the men who haven’t tipped me before but let me just say dominatrices are providing a specialized service and you should tip them. If you hire an independent mistress who’s probably getting 100% of what you’re giving her, you should still tip her, but you should never ever go to a dungeon and not tip your mistress.

That’s a great way to get blacklisted, basically — or, best-case scenario, that’s how you end up with nicknames like “Smelly Balls Steve” or “F*ckface Ballbuster.”

You should be tipping at least $75 a session, but that’s at minimum. If you’re asking for a woman to piss on your face or defecate on you or make you eat feces or semen or to give you permanent physical damage (I’ve had a man ask me to hit his testicles so hard that he wouldn’t be able have children) then you must tip a ton. It’s just disrespectful to not tip.

When you go to a dungeon, you’re usually seeking some kind of fantasy fulfillment that your regular sex partners aren’t willing to give you or you’re too ashamed to ask of them. We, as mistresses, are your fantasy makers. We don’t end up covered in your blood and cum just to walk away making the bare minimum. Tip us — or you’re going to be left with marks when you specifically asked for “no marks”.

3. DO: Know What You Want (Or Have an Open Mind)

My favorite client is one who is obviously just dedicated to their kink. It’s hot and it usually means they’re seriously into BDSM. If your thing is ballbusting and you know it, that’s great. That means less time talking and more time ballbusting.

If you are new to BDSM, that’s OK too. It’s fine to come into a dungeon with zero idea of what you actually might want but then come with an open mind. Clients who allow me to work with them and try out new things are so fun! Let me dress you up in a sissy session or make you kiss my feet with body worship or even better, let me tie you up and flog your ass till it bleeds. Either way, come in with an open mind or a clear idea.

4. DON’T: Be Too Ashamed to Ask for What You Want

For many dommes, a big pet peeve (outside of people that don’t tip, obviously) is people who come in with a very clear idea of what they want… yet during meets, refuse to actually vocalize it.

Do not mumble to your domme; look her in the eyes and tell her what you want. No person wants to walk into a session and have no clue what’s going on. How are we supposed to be confident? How are we supposed to trust you? Here’s the thing: We don’t and won’t.

If you have a thing for being treated like a pony and having us ride you while hitting you with a riding crop, just tell us. Trust me, there’s nothing your domme hasn’t seen already. This is your moment! Don’t waste it on shame. Practice asking for what you want in a mirror beforehand if you need to.

5. DO: Know If You Want a Switch or Dom Session

Mistresses are experts in all of BDSM, therefore many of us are willing to also be submissive for a specific set of clients who we deem trustworthy. Not every mistress is willing to do this, though, so it’s a special kind of session and due to that, you have to tip generously. This may seem obvious, but if you’re going into a session where you’re domming a mistress and know you’re most likely going to leave bruises, you must tip extra.

Not just a normal tip, like I mentioned earlier, but an out-of-this-world tip that could make up for any possible loss of work. Why do I mention loss of work? Because many clients don’t want mistresses who do switch sessions, and if they see bruises on them, they may not choose to session with them or tip them less. I’ve heard of clients who leave bruises who tip up to $1,000 to make up for loss of income. Not saying that’s necessary — but hey, a girl can dream of that perfect client someday.

6. DON’T: Confuse Dommes With Other Types of Sex Workers

This is something I’ve experienced often working in dungeons in NYC. Dungeons are legal in NYC, but many clients go to the dungeons seeking things of a more specific nature, such as handjobs, oral sex, or other things that aren’t within the job description of a dominatrix.

You’re putting the dominatrix and the establishment they’re working for on the line. There’s nothing wrong with seeking this kind of pleasure, but there are sex workers who specifically focus on those services. Dominatrixes focus on kink and roleplay fulfillment; we’re not here so you can get your dick sucked. If that’s what you’re interested in, seek other sex workers so they can make that money — and then you also don’t waste our time in the dungeon.

7. DO: Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly Before, During and After

Clear communication around boundaries is vital to having a good session. A play session is just like any other sexual experience — you have to be consenting, and communication needs to be across the board for everyone.

If you don’t communicate with your domme, then you’re not going to have as great a time. If you don’t allow your domme to communicate with you, then it’s going to be difficult for her to feel she can trust you enough to have an enjoyable experience. We’re here, many of us, because we love kink and want to give it all in our sessions. We expect you to communicate with us so this can be a safe and fun experience.

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Source: AskMen