Possible Consequences of a Threesome

Possible Negative Consequences of a Threesome, Ranked

If you and your partner have decided to invite a guest star into your bedroom and have your first threesome as a couple, there’s something you should know.

While having a threesome is undoubtedly fun and exciting, it’s important to be aware of the many ways it can go awry.

Being prepared is key to having a stress-free threesome that’s enthralling and memorable instead of one you both wish you could forget. So, before the three of you hop into bed, let’s take a look at some of the common awkward scenarios that can happen when three people take their clothes off and decide to get intimate with one another.

We’ve ranked these scenarios based on how much grief they may cause, plus how likely they are to happen. But truthfully, any of these situations could happen — so it’s smart to talk them out with your partner and be prepared.

8. You Have Performance Anxiety

Trouble Rating: 4/10

Likelihood: 7/10

Having two people to satisfy at once is a recipe for performance anxiety. Not being able to get an erection, experiencing vaginal dryness or having trouble getting turned on in general due to pre-sex jitters are all scenarios that could likely happen during a threesome.

“My general advice on handling this is to replace the ’performance’ with presence and pleasure,” says Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, AASECT-certified sex therapist, sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist for AdamEve.com. “This moves the sexual dynamic out of the camera spotlight and into a place of authentic relating.”

In other words, don’t forget that you’re here to enjoy yourself, too. So if you’re feeling too much pressure, don’t be afraid to take a break or focus on other types of foreplay until you’re more relaxed.

7. The Threesome Is a Bit Awkward

Trouble Rating: 6/10

Likelihood: 6/10

Even if your third is a complete stranger you’ll never see again, adding a third person to your sexual relationship inevitably has a lot of potential for awkward situations. However, it’s important to go into the experience knowing that all parties involved also feel awkward about trying out this new thing, so try to empathize with all players involved. It’s also perfectly fine to pause to express your feelings.

“Sex should be fun and not a draining experience,” says Gigi Engle, 3Fun’s resident intimacy expert and certified sex educator. “Don’t be afraid to take breaks, have some chats, watch a show, or just hang out.”

“Another way to feel more comfortable is to really discuss the plan at large, especially the boundaries required,” Skyler suggests. “Knowing our limits always creates a sense of safety because we know how far we can push and where we need to stop. For example, a first-time threesome might include heavy petting only, but no penetrative actions.”

6. The Threesome Leads to an Unplanned Pregnancy

Trouble Rating: 10/10

Likelihood: 2/10

It’s probably safe to say that no one’s goal for this threesome is to bring a new life into the world (but if that’s your thing and everyone has consented, feel free to skip this section).

If not, ensure all parties involved know the contraception plan. Engle recommends latex barrier methods, such as condoms, which are highly effective when used correctly.

“Ensure everyone involved is aware of what kind of birth control everyone is on and take measures accordingly,” says Engle.

If your response to reading that — or for anyone else involved when the subject is brought up — is that condoms will kill the fun, you may want to rethink this.

“If you can’t talk about this beforehand, reconsider your emotional maturity for engaging in a threesome,” says Skyler.

5. The Threesome Leads to Sexually Transmitted Infections

Trouble Rating: 8/10

Likelihood: 5/10

Another lasting consequence of sex can be STIs. There are obvious precautions all three parties can take to avoid this — the two big ones being getting tested before partaking in the threesome and using protection during it.

“Use condoms for any fluid exchange, and track if you are in a prodrome (pre-outbreak) symptoms to avoid contact with possible outbreak areas,” Skyler recommends. However, even then, there’s always a chance of infection. Certain STIs, like HPV, can go undetected, and herpes isn’t a common STI test unless you have signs of an infection.

“Reduce shame, because STIs do happen, as they are a part of being sexually active,” says Engle. “If you are diagnosed with an STI, inform all parties involved and seek treatment ASAP.”

4. The Threesome Leads to Boundaries Being Crossed

Trouble Rating: 10/10

Likelihood: 5/10

Even with lots of preplanning and conversation before the threesome, there’s always a chance that someone gets too caught up in the moment to really hear another participant when they express a boundary.

If this happens, Skyler says to stop what you’re doing and remove yourself from the action.

“Ask for the respect you need or the boundary you need honored,” she says. “If the other cannot recalibrate to this request, then absolutely stop for good and leave.”

Having a plan of action for this with your partner is also important. “It’s OK to have a safe word that indicates you’re not comfortable with what’s going on,” says Engle. “If it’s not working, let them know this isn’t working for you, and put them in an Uber.”

3. There’s Uneven Distribution of Threesome Attention

Trouble Rating: 6/10

Likelihood: 9/10

During a threesome, there will inevitably be times when one participant feels left out. Establishing roles and preferences ahead of time can be beneficial to keep anyone from feeling like the third wheel.

“Sometimes one person prefers to be more of a voyeur or witness, or one person thinks they want this role, then finds out they don’t,” says Skyler. Make it a point to check in throughout the experience to ensure everyone’s having a good time. “If someone feels left out, change the activity and recalibrate to be more inclusive.”

Also, don’t be shy about creating your own fun during the threesome.

“There will be times when you feel left out, so stimulate yourself during these times and enjoy the show they’re putting on,” says Engle.

2. There’s Post-Threesome Jealousy

Trouble Rating: 8/10

Likelihood: 8/10

Even the most solid couples aren’t immune to feelings of jealousy post-threesome.

“Even if you think everything is fine going in, feelings of unworthiness or fear of abandonment can pop up and surprise you,” says Skyler.

If your partner is experiencing jealousy after the threesome, Skyler recommends offering as much compassion and reinforcement as possible instead of getting defensive.

“It may be helpful to create stronger boundaries for the next time or even pause playing until these feelings get sorted,” she says.

If you’re the one experiencing jealousy, Engle says to sit and reflect on them.

“Jealousy is a normal human emotion, but is usually a symptom of something happening in the relationship,” she says. “Explore what it is you feel you aren’t getting or a need that isn’t being met and work on it.”

1. One of You Falls for the Threesome Guest Star

Trouble Rating: 9/10

Likelihood: 8/10

You may view the threesome experience as a fun way to try something new with your partner. But as much as you and your partner may discuss things ahead of time, there’s always a chance that you or your significant other may feel strongly about your third.

“Plan for feeling development of some sort via all parties, because sex creates attachment and feelings, even if we tell ourselves we are beyond this,” says Skyler.

“Sex comes with heightened emotions and can come with subsequent feelings,” Engle agrees.

If this happens, the best thing you can do is talk to your partner about the situation in an honest way. It’s important to remember that these feelings may be temporary due to the intensely intimate experience you just had.

However, the potential negative consequences are serious enough that it’s worth doing some thinking about pre-threesome.

You and your partner might ask yourselves and/or each other questions like: Are you partaking in this threesome because it’s something fun you and your partner want to do as a bonding experience? Or is there a part of you using this to explore potential romantic relationships outside of the one you’re in?

If you think this scenario could happen, it might be best to put the threesome on hold and have an honest conversation with your partner about how you’re both feeling.

“If you develop feelings for a third, you could use this as an opportunity to explore your relationship dynamics and see if exploring polyamory is right for you,” says Engle.

However, it’s also possible these feelings are temporary and could fade.

“Explore the ’why’ of these feelings, and be willing to interrogate if they are real or if it’s just exciting for you,” Engle adds.

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Source: AskMen