Why Do Men Get Tired After Sex?

Exploring Why So Many Guys Feel Sleepy After They Climax (And How to Avoid It)

It’s a tale as old as time: a heterosexual couple is having penetrative intercourse. The man orgasms, ejaculating, and immediately falls asleep.

Of course, this isn’t always the way sex goes down, but the scenario is a pretty common one. But why?

That question isn’t merely academic either. If you fall asleep immediately after you cum, whoever you’re hooking up with has to accept that playtime is over. If they haven’t orgasmed yet, well, too bad. Even if they have, if they wanted the festivities to continue, they’re out of luck.

Considering so many people who sleep with men find this habit frustrating, it’s worth looking into what causes it. So in order to get the down low on why men frequently bed down after climax, AskMen spoke to a couple of sex experts. Here’s what they had to say:

Why Men Get Sleepy After Sex

“Most, if not all, guys feel sleepy after sex,” says Kenneth Play, sex educator and author of Beyond Satisfied: A Sex Hacker’s Guide to Endless Orgasms, Mind-Blowing Connection, and Lasting Confidence. “It’s completely natural. (There are always some outliers, of course.)”

That being said, it’s not a uniquely gendered (or sexed) phenomenon.

“It’s common for people of any sex/gender to feel sleepy after orgasm,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Arcwave scientific advisor and research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. “In fact, research shows that both men and women report that orgasm (whether the result of sex or masturbation) is linked to falling asleep faster and getting better quality sleep.”

“The mechanism here is thought to be the release of various hormones and neurotransmitters that occur upon orgasm, including oxytocin and prolactin,” says Lehmiller.

These chemicals flood your brain after orgasm, kicking off feelings of pleasure and relaxation that may feel like drowsiness. Couple that with a decent likelihood that you’re already in bed, and that the lights may be off or dim, and it’s no surprise that you may be fighting an uphill battle to stay awake.

“The link between sex and sleep is stronger for men than it is for women, but that’s likely due to the orgasm gap,” Lehmiller says. “Because men orgasm more often than women (at least among heterosexuals), this can help to explain why men on average are more likely to feel tired after sexual activity.”

It also may depend on each individual guy’s stamina and the intensity of the sex he’s engaging in. If you’re a top and going very vigorous thrusting and/or engaging in sex positions that require more muscular strength, it’s only normal that you might feel more tired afterward.

The Consequences of Falling Asleep After Sex

While it’s far from the end of the world, having a partner fall asleep on you when you’re still feeling frisky can be a definite downer.

“Falling asleep after sex might be disappointing in cases where one partner did not orgasm and wanted to keep going, but the other partner orgasmed and felt tired,” says Lehmiller.

In straight relationships, unfortunately, that’s far from a 50/50 split — it’s typically the man who orgasmed and then wanted to sleep, while the woman didn’t get to.

As Play points out, “Resentment builds when the expectation of fairness isn’t met over the long-term.”

Sure, your partner could bring themselves to orgasm by masturbating while you sleep, but that’s hardly the same erotic experience — and it could lead to them fantasizing about someone else who might be will and able to stay conscious long enough to make them cum.

How to Stay Awake After Sex

If you find that you often feel the need to immediately go to sleep after sex and this is a consistent issue for your partner(s), there are some steps you can take to mitigate the problem.

“It’s hard to fight your own biology here,” Lehmiller admits. “But a few things to consider would be to try having sex at a different time of day. For many couples, sex is mostly (or only) a nighttime activity. When orgasm happens at a time of day when you’re likely to already be a little sleepy, it’s a double whammy. So having sex in the morning or another time of day when you might feel more energized could be a potential way of reducing the post-orgasm sleepiness.”

“Something else to consider is to practice edging to build up your sexual stamina so that you can delay orgasm and enjoy a longer sexual encounter,” Lehmiller adds.

If you work on making sure your partner cums first, they’re much less likely to mind if you conk out as soon as you climax a little later on.

If you do climax and want to keep pleasuring your partner but are feeling distinctly low energy, there are a few options available to you.

“If you’re in a refractory period or otherwise unable to have an erection at that moment, this is the perfect time to whip out a labor-saving device (i.e. her favorite sex toy),” Play notes. “You don’t need an erect penis to satisfy your partner. Use a vibrator! Use your fingers! Let her face-fuck you! Spoon her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear while she masturbates! Make an effort.”

“Or,” he says, “you can negotiate for later. Later can be after a break, when you’ve recovered, or it can be tomorrow night, or next Thursday. The goal is to be fair. Ultimately, showing that you care about mutual satisfaction and reciprocity is the key.”

“It doesn’t always have to be perfectly balanced in one sexual session,” Play concludes. “Sometimes you cook for someone. Sometimes they cook for you. Sometimes they cook and you do the dishes. Aim for mutual satisfaction in the long-term.”

How Does Sleep Impact Sex Drive?Here’s How to Enjoy Mutual MasturbationWhat Do Women Consider Good Sex?

Source: AskMen