Did You Think Oral Sex Had to Be Conventional & Boring? Think Again
Did You Think Oral Sex Had to Be Conventional & Boring? Think Again
If there’s one sex act that every straight guy should master, it’s cunnilingus — the Latin word for performing oral sex on a vagina.
While most people see penetration as the be-all and end-all of sex between a man and a woman, studies have shown that women don’t orgasm remotely as often as men do this way. Meaning, if you want to have any semblance of orgasm equality with a female sex partner, you’ll need to figure out how to make nice with her clitoris as well.
If you care about your partner’s pleasure at all (and you should), it’s time to stop thinking of going down on her as foreplay. Instead, think of it as a co-main event; a necessary part of the meal rather than a side dish.
And, like penetrative sex and its seemingly infinite list of positions, there are variations to be explored when it comes to cunnilingus. Want to keep things fresh and exciting, or try something new and spicy? Read on to learn about basic beginner tips for getting good at eating out — and how to keep things unique and special, too.
Basic Cunnilingus Tips
Before you can walk, you have to learn to crawl, and before getting to the unique and special cunnilingus tricks, you should make sure you’re clear on the basics.
1. Be Enthusiastic
If you’re never very eager when it comes to performing oral, your partner may feel awkward, ashamed or hesitant about receiving it. A good counterweight to this is to make it clear that you’re invested with some quality enthusiasm.
“Get your face wet!” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast. “Don’t be afraid of the vulva. Get your cheeks, nose, lips and entire face in there and let your partner grind against you. Rubbing and grinding allows them to rub the entire external and internal components of the clitoris and for many folks, this is more likely to lead to orgasm.”
She also suggests making it something of a full-body experience. “Engage your hands, face, lips, tongue, toys and more,” adds O’Reilly. “Slide your hands under their butt and pull them right into your face. Follow the rhythm of their hips to gauge what they want in terms of speed, pressure, rhythm, movements and intensity.”
Kayla Lords, a sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com, agrees that the rest of the body can definitely use some attention. “Assuming she’s OK with it, touch, stroke or even pinch her nipples,” she suggests. “Finger her. Run your hands over her torso or down her legs. Give her a full sensory experience from head to toe.”
And finally? Don’t be quiet about it! You might be too focused on what you’re doing to notice, but a completely silent partner can feel weird or make your partner feel self-conscious, whereas making sexy sounds could really add to the experience.
“Make some noise,” O’Reilly says. “Breathe deeply and don’t stifle your sounds. Let her know that you love it and let your moans and groans emanate without inhibition.”
2. Don’t Be Too Direct or Intense
If you’re trying to do a good job, it might feel natural to amp up your intensity as much as possible to deliver on your service. But there’s a difference between enthusiasm and intensity — and while the former is great, the latter can actually be too much. For starters, you want to slowly build up to playing with the clit instead of diving in head first
“Don’t go straight for the goods,” says O’Reilly. “Build anticipation by touching, caressing, feeling, licking, kissing and breathing all over their body — slowly. Make them wait to intensify the impact once they finally get what they’re begging for.”
Then, when you do get there, don’t treat it like a magic doorbell. Since it’s the female analogue to the penis head or glans, treat the clitoris like you’d like your penis head to be treated — be gentle with it.
“Circle the clit,” says O’Reilly. “Don’t press it like an elevator button! Instead, slowly circle your tongue around it to tease and tantalize before pressing your flat, wide tongue against it gently to allow the pressure to build.”
However, it is possible to spend too much time on the clit.
“Don’t get hung up on the clitoris — especially the head of the clitoris,” adds O’Reilly. “Just as you wouldn’t only stroke, lick or kiss only the head of the penis, the rubbing the entire clitoris will be more pleasurable than poking on the head as though it’s a doorbell.”
3. Know Your Flat and Your Tip
Not all licks are created equal. Besides speed and intensity, the part of your tongue that you’re using can also create vastly different sensations for your partner.
“When it comes to basic cunnilingus techniques, the simplest is knowing the difference between your flat tongue and the tip of your tongue,” says Kenneth Play, a sex educator with a whole online course devoted to oral sex.
“The flat of your tongue gives more surface area, so less intensity of generated sensation, but more area for sensation — this can be great for folks with sensitive clits or who prefer their whole vulva to be stimulated,” he adds. “On the other side, the tip of your tongue is a small surface area which can create very intense sensations by focusing on a small area, perfect for lovers who want their clit to get all the attention.”
4. Ask for Feedback
Perhaps the most important thing is to keep the dialogue open between you and your partner. It can feel daunting to admit that you don’t already know exactly how to please someone, but there’s nothing worse than two people being too shy to talk about basic sex questions and robbing themselves of pleasure as a result. The solution?
“Ask for feedback!” says O’Reilly. “Ask simple yes/no questions like, ‘Do you like it there?’ and, ‘Faster?,’ ‘Slower?,’ etc.”
Often, what works and what doesn’t will be obvious based on how she responds to what you’re doing. Typically, the more noise she makes, the more movements she makes or muscle twitches she experiences, the better, but this isn’t the case for everyone. However, Play notes that you can get decipher what works by trying a variety of different techniques.
“Provide a variety of sensations to calibrate your lover’s preferences,” he suggests. “Flat tongue to the tip of the tongue, light flicks with the tip into some suction over the clit itself, followed by a little tongue f–king (dart the tip of your tongue in and out of her vaginal entrance), or even sucking and flicking at the same time, which is mimicked by some of the most popular toys on the market right now — and make sure to pay attention to body language, breathing changes, and any feedback the whole time.”
At the end of the day, you’re doing this for her pleasure, so make sure that’s what you’re actually focusing on. “The most basic tip of all is just to communicate and ask what she likes,” says Lords. “If she doesn’t know, experiment. But if she does, the best way to go down on her is to do exactly what she enjoys.”
Unique Ways to Go Down on Her
Sure, there are many ways to eat someone out, but what do the experts recommend?
1. Add Toys to the Mix
“Add a vibrator,” Lords suggests. “When your tongue gets tired on her clitoris, a vibrator can take over. If she enjoys it, you can penetrate her with a vibrator while you lick her clit. Ultimately, this is about adding multiple pleasurable sensations. If possible, use a vibrator she already knows and loves — and use it where she tells you it feels best.”
Play agrees, noting how incorporating a few toys can “add a whole other world of sensation and stimulation.”
“You can do a bit of tongue f–king, darting your tongue in and out of her entrance, alternating with licking her entrance with broad strokes that tickle her labia too, and use a precision toy like the Zumio to let her or you stimulate her clit directly,” he says. “[Or] you get to do the clit stimulation with flicking, licking [or sucking], while using a toy such as her favorite dildo to give her penetration sensations simultaneously!”
2. Play the ‘Clit Clock’ Game
“This one requires some visual imagination, but it is my absolute favorite way to calibrate clit stimulation and I’ve used it successfully countless times,” says Play. “Imagine the face of a clock over the clit and its hood — midnight is right above the hood, near her mound, 6 o’clock is underneath the external clit, closer to the vaginal entrance, etc. OK, now with your partner giving consistent feedback, you’ll move your tongue around the “clock”, asking her to tell you which hour feels the best.”
And if she really enjoys two different positions, Play suggests turning things up a notch by flicking your tongue back and forth between them.
3. Eat It From Behind
Doggy style isn’t just for penetrative sex — if you’re both up for it, it can also be adapted for oral. How does it work?
“While she’s on her knees, bend down and bury your face in her vulva from the back,” says Lords. “If her clitoris needs attention, use your hand while you use your tongue at a different angle. If she’s open to it, you can explore anal stimulation, too — but always ask first and stop if she’s not into it.”
4. Incorporate Some G-Spot Stimulation
“If your lover loves having her G-spot stimulated, it should be a no-brainer to combine that with your oral skills,” says Play. “This can be done as an evolution of using toys (I highly recommend the NJoy Pure Wand!) or with your finger (think of that ‘come hither’ motion you always see referenced).”
“Either way,” he adds, “the strategy is that you’ll be using your tongue to stimulate her clit with the aforementioned flicking, licking, sucking, etc., while stimulating her G-spot region with your finger or toy. A good rocking motion using the whole toy or your arm (not the finger itself) can cause some really great intense sensations.”
5. Break (Out) the Ice
“Grab a glass of ice cubes for this next move, and make sure to ask your partner how she feels about temperature play!” says Play. “The oral techniques are pretty much the same (flicking, licking, you know them now), but before you do them you’ll suck on the ice cube, lending your tongue a chilly air.”
“You can also blow a little icy breath across her clit as a tease before the taste,” he adds. “Keep the glass nearby to cool down as your tongue warms up, and if your lover is really into the chill then you can also add in some direct caressing of ice cube on inner thighs and tummy to send shivers down her, or drip the cold melting water from the cube onto her clit.”
Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list of cunnilingus options — just a handful to get you started. The real tip: Talk with your partner and figure out different ways the two of you can spice things up that appeal to you!
How to Finger a Girl
How to Use Edging to Drive Her Wild
5 Things Women Secretly Want in Bed