Highly sensitive individuals can make relationships interesting.
By Samantha Rodman Whiten
Written on Nov 11, 2023
Photo: LOOK studio | Shutterstock, TRMK | Canva
Highly sensitive partners can be pretty difficult to deal with, and I say this as an HSP myself. Check out this on why Highly Sensitive wives often run into more conflict with their non-HSP husbands after having kids.
But there are also many positives to dating or marrying a Highly Sensitive Person. (Many of these points apply to all genders, but the more common pairing I see in therapy is Highly Sensitive Women with non-HSP husbands, so that’s the focus of this piece.)
Here, I fill you in on the top six best parts about being in a relationship with a woman who is an HSP, so my female HSP readers can send this to their husbands with the subject heading “Aren’t you lucky?”
1. She is capable of a great deal of emotion.
This may be bad during arguments or when you have upset her somehow, but on the flip side, she is capable of very deeply felt love and joy. She is likely to be very deeply moved and touched by nice things that you do, and she will remember them for years to come.
2. She understands you. HSP’s are excellent empathizers.
Your wife may understand your emotions, fears, hopes, and dreams better than you yourself do at times. She is always observing you and thinking about you. While this may make you feel under the microscope at times, it also means she is gathering a lot of information about you and what you need and want.
3. She is a great gift giver.
Because she observes you so constantly and automatically, your HSP wife gleans a lot of data about what you like and don’t like. HSP’s are generally awesome gift givers, because they remember everything you comment on or even look at.
4. She is really committed to your children.
HSP’s are capable of a lot of empathy and perspective taking. This means that you don’t generally have to worry that your HSP wife will invalidate your child’s emotions, although she may err on the side of child-centeredness. Many non-HSP men who had non-HSP parents who never tried to or succeeded at deeply understanding them, which led to them feeling invalidated or emotionally neglected during their childhoods. I truly believe that these men subconsciously choose HSP wives because they want their children’s needs and desires to be recognized in a way that their own never were, and they know their HSP wives are capable of this level of attentiveness and empathy.
5. She can be great in bed.
There are a lot of caveats to this. The major one is that HSP’s are, by nature, easily overwhelmed by sensory input. This means that you may never unlock the true sexual potential of your HSP if you insist on the lights being on, or her getting naked before any foreplay starts, or talking dirty before she is turned on. But if you allow for a lot of foreplay and take things at her pace, the HSP woman is capable of vast reserves of erotic imagination and physical responsiveness. Additionally, because of their sensitivity and empathy, they can be highly skilled at knowing what you want and doing it. (See #3.)
6. She can become very close to your family and friends.
Because she can empathize so well, her friendships and connections with others are likely to be deep and meaningful. If she likes your family and friends, she will get very close to them and be the one who reaches out, who buys gifts, and so forth.
Keep in mind that all of these points assume that your relationship is going well. Highly Sensitive People are extremely sensitive to marital discord and stress, and to empathic ruptures. If you remember your wife being great in these ways, but nowadays, she doesn’t try at all, it is likely because she feels resentful, angry, and disconnected. Couples counseling is often very useful for HSP’s, because they love deep conversation and insight-oriented work. Therapy is their bread and butter.
If you are an HSP woman who is in a good place in your marriage, send this to your husband and ask him which of these most resonate with him. If you’re the husband of an HSP, use this lisit to reflect on the positives of your wife, even if you’ve lately been focusing mostly on the annoying parts of her temperament. To learn more about what relationships are like with Highly Sensitive People, read The Highly Sensitive Person In Love.
More for You:
Zodiac Signs That Are Terrible At Relationships (And Why)20 Little Things Women Do That Guys *Secretly* LoveThe Perfect Age To Get Married, According To Science5 Little Ways Men Wish They Could Be Loved — Every Single Day
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.