If you have been led to believe women are complicated, you definitely need to read this.
By Michael Griswold — Last updated on Aug 26, 2023
Photo: fizkes | Shutterstock
The psychology of attraction has long been rumored to be something difficult to crack.
You might have been led to believe women change their minds with frequency while saying one thing one minute and then something else the next. Some men have been socially conditioned to think women are enigmas that leave men perplexed by their actions.
Yet, if you took a couple of steps back and reflected on yourself in similar dating situations, you will probably find you contain the same enigmas, do the same perplexing actions, and change your mind (but probably keep it unspoken until it can be used against her).
The surprisingly simple psychology of getting a woman to like you.
The psychology of getting a woman to like you is rather simple. You only need to do two things — give her the respect a human being deserves, and be open to learning all about her.
1. Realize you are probably overthinking.
Women, just like men, are human. Being human means our actions are driven by the innate desire to never be hurt. Sometimes this causes people to act irrationally or make unfair assumptions. But, alas, this is part of the dating game and part of being human.
Still, the psychology of how to attract a woman isn’t all that complicated because, in truth, women aren’t as complicated as you might have been led to believe by the rigid, often inaccurate, and outdated gender roles of the past.
Sure, women have been falsely portrayed as mysterious and elusive by toxic pickup artists and in pop culture. But, when you get down to it, most women want the same things men want, and these things are simple:
Women want adventure. Women want respect. Women want commitment. Women want the freedom of choice. Women want an equal — they want to be your partner, not your parent. If you are questioning the validity of any of this, replace “women” with “I” in the previous sentences.
2. Stop thinking these things are attractive, they aren’t.
At the root of the psychology of attracting women is knowing what does is not attractive. This is particularly important on your first date — if a first date goes poorly, there’s little chance there will be a second date or any future at all.
Unfortunately, many first dates fail because men are unaware that three things they think are attractive are actually anything but.
Bragging: Yes, you want to impress your date, but when you overly brag to a woman you come across as one of two things: either conceited or annoyingly insecure. Neither will bode well for you. This doesn’t mean you can’t share that you were valedictorian, or that you’re the youngest executive at your firm, but don’t go into incredulous stories about your days as a hand model, the time Julia Roberts said hi to you, but you know she was secretly flirting, or how you never started on JV basketball because your coach was jealous of your skills.
Acting high and mighty: You may be rich, successful, and talented, but this doesn’t mean you should treat others like they are somehow beneath you (because they’re not). Women will pay particular attention to how you treat the wait staff: do you talk down to them or leave a crappy tip? Your date will notice if you do. So, keep that in mind, and remember if you have the keys to a Porsche or Ferrari, it doesn’t give you the right to act like you also have the keys to the Kingdom of the World.
Being sexist: Women are offended by sexism. This should go without saying. Even women who laugh at a sexist joke are probably only doing so to avoid a potentially dangerous confrontation. Still, remember sexism doesn’t have to be overt to be offensive. Mentioning to your date that you expect your wife to stay at home and raise the children is enough for some women to label you as living in the 1950s. Then, they will also label you as not worth it. If this is you, you probably need to do some self-work first.
3. Understand how confidence seals the deal.
The last portion of the psychology of attracting women involves confidence. Perhaps the most powerful thing in your dating toolbox, confidence has the power to attract other people to you like a magnet.
The reason is fairly simple: People are attracted to confidence. People want a partner who isn’t afraid to take control when needed, can make decisions individually and as a partner, and can share the heavy lifting of a relationship.
This isn’t to say women want to be bossed around — no one wants that — but they also don’t want to be the person who has to put all the effort into the relationship, and neither do you. They want a union where both parties take but also give. Only people who have confidence have the ability to do this.
Men without confidence, on the other hand, often sit on the sidelines, too afraid to take control or make a move. Without confidence, the sidelines are where they’ll be sitting for years to come.
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Michael Griswold is a relationship and life coach who uses his expertise to help men and women heal broken hearts and find love again.