Why do all your relationships end?
By Sloane Solomon — Last updated on Oct 19, 2023
Photo: bonetta | NoSystem images | Getty Images / StockSnap | pixabay
There are times when it can seem like everyone around you is in a relationship, yet you’re forever single. But before you start feeling sorry for yourself and reciting the “All By Myself” lyrics in your head, you might want to consider that perhaps there’s a reason for your chronic singledom.
The truth is that when it comes to love, we can tend to sometimes sabotage ourselves from finding and holding on to a good relationship — even if we have no idea that we’re even doing this. The saying that you need to know and love yourself before you can find love and commit to a real relationship with another person has never been truer.
So before you start searching for “the one,” it can be very helpful to know what it is that might be holding you back and what parts of your personality you can examine so that you can get ready for a relationship. In situations like these, your Myers-Briggs personality type can be a total lifesaver! Each personality type deals with love differently and knowing how yours, in particular, handles romantic relationships can help you figure out the answer to the question, “Why am I still single?”
The honest reason you’re still single, according to your personality type:
This is pretty straightforward — when anything to do with commitment is brought up, an ISTP’s very first instinct is to run. This personality type likes to live in the present and thinking about the future really scares them. This is why they always end up single and have never been able to hold down a relationship for too long.
One of the most difficult things for the carefree, living-in-the-moment ISTP to think about is the future, but if you continue to run from these discussions your chances of having a lasting relationship are critically low.
This type has a hard time expressing themselves verbally and this is especially true in romantic situations. You’re a great listener, but your inability to voice your own opinions and feelings leaves your partners exasperated and often impedes your relationships. That is to say, if you ever even get to have one — you can sometimes be so scared to tell someone how much you like them that you’d rather let relationships pass you by than have to deal with communicating what’s on your mind to someone. You fear that you may be rejected or say something embarrassing or wrong. ISFPs often risk their chances at having relationships — and other things in life — by never speaking up.
This type gets bored very easily and if someone can’t keep up with you, then you have no problem dropping them just like that. So, it’s really no wonder you think that you’re always alone when you’re constantly leaving relationships in the dust faster than you can even say the word “single.” And with your tendency to become bored so quickly, you’ve never actually had a serious relationship. You lose interest and move on without failing to see what you had right in front of you — as well as what could have been.
You don’t take relationships seriously. You think that the point of a relationship is solely to have fun. Commitment isn’t even in your vocabulary.
This type is also extremely wishy-washy when it comes to what they want from life and relationships. Your partners can never figure out what it is that you really want, which leaves them feeling like you can’t handle a mature relationship — and they’re really not wrong about that.
This type prefers dependable and stable relationships. They take commitment seriously and like to make sure that their partners know that they can always rely on them.
However, you’re hardly a fan of taking risks and are never really willing to step outside your comfort zone. Entering into a new relationship can be tricky for you — especially if someone has broken your heart before. You’re too scared to take a chance at finding love again and would rather remain in the single life where you feel more secure.
ISTJs need to learn that sometimes you must take risks in life or you’ll be missing out on the chance of finding true happiness.
ISFJs are notoriously shy. This characteristic often gets in the way of this type being able to live their lives to the fullest — and also what keeps them single.
You want to pursue relationships, but it can be hard for you to come out of your shell. But if you want to break away from the single life, you can’t keep sitting around hoping that they’ll come to you. At some point, you have to be brave and be the one to make the first move.
This type is as straightforward as they come, which means you value honesty more than anything. You know what you want from a relationship and you won’t stand for anything less, so you expect your partner to be just as honest and loyal as you are. Dishonesty is intolerable to you, which shows that you have a lot of self-worth. However, you’re not big on the whole forgiveness thing.
This type needs to realize that we’re all human and we all make mistakes, so it’s important for an ESTJ to learn that forgiveness is a normal part of any healthy relationship if they don’t want to remain single.
ESFJs care way too much about social status and seeking the approval of others. If your family and friends don’t approve of someone in any way, then you’re willing to let them go, without even bothering to consider your own opinion about them. You’re willing to let go of a good thing if the people in your life don’t like someone — which seems to happen with everyone you date. They’re always finding something wrong with the person, which leaves you critically single and alone.
The hard truth is that you need to wake up and realize this isn’t the 1890’s. Choose your own partners and remember that the only person whose opinion really matters about who you want to be with is your own.
Romantic relationships are a serious business for you. You crave committed, deep connections. You tend to come on too strong, too fast, which ends up scaring potential love interests away. You need to understand that you can’t expect so much from someone so quickly. A real connection takes time to properly develop and grow. You have to be patient and trust that the right person will eventually open up to you and show you more of themselves as time goes on. Romantic connections can’t be forced and demanding this from a partner so soon only spells serious trouble for your love life.
There’s no such thing as perfect so stop holding out for that mystical perfection, INFP. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having standards, but you’ve set the bar so high that it’s made it impossible for you to have a relationship. You have to stop living in a made-up fairytale world where you’ve imagined some perfect person to come riding in on their white horse and magically sweep you off of your feet to live happily ever after. If you continue to wait in your dream world, you may as well be waiting forever because “perfect” is never going to happen.
This type throws their whole selves into relationships. They want their partner to always be happy and are very eager to please. They aren’t afraid to sacrifice their own beliefs in order to keep the peace in a relationship.
All of these qualities make you seem needy and insecure. It may sound harsh, but there’s a reason clingy people often end up single. It’s really quite simple — you just need to chill and give your partner some breathing room.
You’re enthusiastic when it comes to love and you’re ready to put your whole heart into a relationship. You’re so invested in that person that when a relationship ends, you’ll stew in it and spend all of your time wondering what went wrong and why it failed.
Bad breakups cause ENFPs to become jaded about love. The pain from past relationships can be too much for you to take, so you ruin your own chances of finding a good relationship by closing yourself off from potential partners. So, you usually end up being single because you can’t let go of the past.
This type is comprised of intelligent, analytical people. Everything must be fully examined and approached in a logical way before taking action, even in romantic relationships.
The honest truth is that you spend more time assessing a possible relationship than actually trying to be in one. But relationships aren’t business proposals. “Can I get back to you later with an answer?” isn’t going to work here. You need to loosen up and realize that relationships don’t need to be put under a microscope. You’ll find that being in a relationship is a lot better than just sitting around analyzing them.
INTPs have very vivid imaginations. However, they often have trouble communicating what’s on their minds.
You don’t want to be single forever, but people can’t read your mind either. You have to find a way to make the actions in your head become a reality by finding the strength to communicate them.
This type is known for being overbearing in all parts of their lives. It’s important for you to understand that relationships go both ways. You have to be willing to let someone else be the strong one sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable. In fact, it’s a sign that shows your partner that you trust them with your feelings. Let that special someone be the strong one for you this time and you’ll find that you’re opening yourself up to having a successful partnership.
This type has obviously never heard that you shouldn’t fix what isn’t broken. An ENTP is all about improvement. Everything could always be just a little bit better, but this isn’t how relationships work. You can’t try to shape and force someone into being something they’re not. Doing something like this in a relationship is going into dangerous territory and it’s really no wonder that you’re single.
You have to stop treating relationships like endless projects that you’ve taken on. If you want to stay in a relationship, then you have to let your partner be who they are and accept their faults just like they have accepted yours — and yes, you do have faults, too.
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Sloane Solomon is a professional writer, editor, and former contributor to YourTango. She has had her work published on Yahoo, MSN, and other outlets.