If you are feeling tired of your husband, you are far from the only woman feeling that way.
By Carter Gaddis — Last updated on Aug 16, 2023
Photo: fizkes / Shutterstocl
Welcome to the loop of marriage, where this Wednesday is exactly the same as last Wednesday and next Wednesday will be no different from this Wednesday. The same goes for Thursday. In fact, the same goes for all the other days. Monotonous? Oh, you bet. Sweet repetition nourishes the soul. It crushes the soul, too. How can it do both?
Have you ever been bored? Boredom is freedom — freedom from passion, freedom from commitment, freedom to withdraw from the world and wallow in sweet, sweet inertia.
Boredom also sucks the joy from the room, leaving an emotional vacuum that is instantly filled by heaps of plastic-wrapped snack food, true crime podcasts, and late nights endlessly doom scrolling.
Boredom is even more appalling when one of the main reasons you’re bored is that you’ve grown tired of the person you’re in a relationship with. Once you’ve acknowledged your husband or wife is, in fact, tiring to you … well, that’s sad.
Sad, yes, but not unexpected. Inevitably, the chemistry begins to fade in a relationship. What’s left is either true love or a pile of broken dishes and dreams.
What really happens when a woman becomes tired of her husband? What causes her to lose interest? We asked a panel of YourTango relationship experts to weigh in. Here are their responses.
Here’s why women get tired of their husbands, according to relationship experts:
1. She’s unhappy with another aspect of her life.
“Sometimes, a woman can get bored with her husband because she’s unhappy with something else in her life. The hard truth is it’s easier to pick on your husband than fix the other problem, so that’s where the focus ends up. I was a dating coach for 20 years, so I have learned a lot about relationships and will admit, I have fallen into this trap myself. Once I became aware I was blaming him for things that were not as big as I was making them out to be, I took time to look within and deal with what the real problem was. Amazing how much better we got along after I took the undeserved pressure off him.” — Ronnie Ann Ryan, intuitive coach and past life reader
2. She has grown but he has not.
“Though each marriage has its uniqueness, some harsh reasons women become bored with their husbands and other partners include: The woman evolves and the partner does not, the original attraction peters out and values are no longer shared nor expressed.” — Ruth Schimel, PhD, career and life management consultant and author
3. The marriage lacks variety and new experiences.
“Some women can become bored with their husbands due to the monotony in the marriage. Although consistency can be important in any relationship, variety can be just as important. Changing things up and creating variety in the marriage can keep the spark, interest, and desire alive in the relationship.” — Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, PhD, CRS, LMFT
4. The marriage lacks spontaneity.
“Consistency is important for a healthy marital relationship however too much predictability can lead to apathy. This could include being in the same pattern, such as regular date nights at the same restaurant coupled with movies watched from home; repeated set vacations and hobbies that only involve one spouse which may create feelings of exclusion. When couples do more things together without diversity it leads to a lack of interest and excitement toward their partner over time and causes unwanted distance between them and resulting in boredom regarding shared experiences.” — Clare Waismann M-RAS/ SUDCC II, founder and director of the Waismann Method
5. The marriage lacks excitement.
“Long-term relationships take a great deal of time, energy and effort to stay afloat. Although many relationships start with great excitement and enthusiasm, it’s really easy for marriages to get stuck in a predictable rut over time. Work, taking care of children, cleaning the house, organizing activities, managing financial obligations — the daily grind of life can suck the time and energy from romantic partnerships and leaves little room for fun in the marital relationship. One of the most common ways women become bored with their husbands is simply due to a lack of excitement. This is actually how couples become bored with their mates independent of gender.
“People often get married because they fall in love and want to share a life with someone. The safety, comfort, and security a bonded, long-term relationship can bring is very meaningful. Yet, as humans, we also want excitement! To be stimulated with fresh, inspiring activities and thought-provoking dialogue. Research suggests doing new things with your partner — things that are different, somewhat novel, and focused on shared experiences — can keep romantic partnerships alive. A growth-oriented mindset deliberately creates time for you and your mate to have interesting experiences together and helps to combat the predictable boredom of marital life. As partners, you must actively fight the boredom by planning something fun to do together.
“Even if it seems small, try a new restaurant or type of cuisine, plan an outing to do something you’ve never done together before, listen to a podcast and discuss the content, or sit alone at home and watch the sunset together. Something to create a connection and show your partner you want to share an experience with them that’s different.” — Dr. Cortney Warren, PhD, board-certified clinical psychologist
6. She and her husband need help to reignite the passion.
“Women may get bored with their husband because their man doesn’t want to have new adventures together. Maybe the wife is looking for some experience to help them reignite their passion and the husband shows no interest. If you are feeling bored with your husband, and are finding it hard to get him involved, you might need to look for a coach or counselor who can help you to better understand each other’s needs.” — Roland Legge, spiritual life coach and Enneagram teacher
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Carter Gaddis is a writer and editor who spent 24 years as an award-winning sportswriter for newspapers in Florida and for various online publications.