You can’t commit to any kind of relationship, long distance or close to you.
By Alex Alexander
Last updated on Sep 29, 2023
Photo: denphumi, Scopio, Billion Photos | Canva
You two are long-distance and perhaps have been for a very long time. The relationship is supposedly “serious.” But whatever the case is, neither of you has moved closer to the other or moved in together.
Yet, it’s at the point in which the relationship has gone on long enough that your partner may wonder why neither of you has made the “great move-in.” You both say this isn’t a casual fling or an occasional one-time thing, but how much longer can you guys exist with so many miles between the two of you?
You talk a good game to everyone, including your partner. There are so many supposed “reasons” that you guys aren’t living together, but they sound like excuses to the outside world, and maybe, to your partner.
Underlying those fifty million reasons is a thread of wanting freedom and avoiding commitment. Underlying those reasons is a secret need to keep your space from this person you supposedly love.
In other words, there are certain signs you don’t want a commitment that show that this whole “long-distance” business is just an excuse to keep from truly committing. Here are 9 signs you’re avoiding committing to your long-distance partner, and it might be in everyone’s best interest to break it off.
Here are 9 signs you’re desperately avoiding commitment in your long-distance relationship:
1. You brag about having freedom
You’re committed, but you love to note to others how you’re really free. Your schedule and life go on your terms. You can do what you want. This is really “easier” for everyone. Yeah, easy for you because you’re not really committing!
2. You have no set date for a move-in
When people ask if you’re moving in together, you shrug. It’s not on the agenda, you say. This doesn’t seem to upset you or phase you because you really don’t want to commit anyway.
3. You are full of excuses for why you aren’t becoming serious
From your jobs to “not liking the weather” where your partner lives, you’ve got an excuse for why, even after many years “together,” you’re not engaged or talking about relocation. We like it better this way, you say. But no one’s ever heard your partner say that.
4. You have the future planned but have no set date for anything
When asked by friends, family, and maybe even your partner about the progression of your relationship, it’s always answered with some “lofty” date like, “We’ll move in come my next promotion,” but no one knows when that is happening. Not even you. Or, “We’re waiting for her sick grandmother to pass,” but she’s been “sick” for almost a year now.
5. You have lots of “friends” that pop in and out of your life
So, you and your old friend from high school just went out to dinner. But your partner and close friends have never heard of this person. You and that girl or guy from the gym just grabbed coffee. But it was just casual.
You have a lot of flirtations with other people who seem innocent, but really, you’re keeping your options open with these so-called “friends.”
6. You want to keep your home as a backup… if you move
If you and your partner do agree to move in, you’ve said how you want to keep your place as backup or have somewhere to go when visiting friends or family. Even if it’s a tight financial strain, you’re dead set on doing it. And when you do discuss a move, you aren’t thrilled about it and feel “forced” to do so.
7. Your partner doesn’t know many of your close friends and family
If you’re not introducing this long-distance flame to many people, it’s because you enjoy the relationship but don’t want this person embedded in your life. You claim that your friends and family are busy when this person visits, but you’re really avoiding deeper connection and entanglement.
8. You always visit your partner
Funny, your long-distance love affair rarely comes out to see you because you always insist on going to him or her. You say it’s to make it easier on this person, but really, it’s for deeper reasons like having another partner back at home or avoiding commitment.
9. You claim being so far away is better for the relationship
You claim that your distance makes the heart grow fonder. You say this makes everyone’s lives easier. You say this keeps the sexual tension, tense. You have a million and one reasons to keep the distance between you, claiming it’s better this way, even if your partner doesn’t feel the same.
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Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to YourTango but is choosing to remain anonymous.