Modern dating often leads people astray from the connections that actually feed the soul.
By Orna & Matthew Walters
Written on Aug 26, 2023
Photo: ArthurHidden, Scopio | Canva
When it comes to finding love, it doesn’t make sense to settle for a lifetime together when you don’t share a soulmate connection. Eventually, there won’t be enough gas in the tank of the relationship to make it through the challenging times.
A deep soulmate connection can be elusive to find when you are using common dating strategies. Don’t worry, there’s a strategy to dating in a manner that invites in a relationship that can grow into a deep connection. It involves six specific, helpful choices you can make, choices that help you manifest a true soulmate connection.
Six specific steps to take if you want to attract a soulmate connection
Partnering with a good, faithful, and decent man is the foundation of a healthy relationship. However, a foundation not enough for a life-long commitment. There are plenty of good men in the world, but you won’t necessarily want to make all of them your beloved.
1. Discover your patterns in love
Your positive and negative patterns in love show you what needs to change. Take an inventory of your relationship history. Notice similarities with the type of guy you fall for, who generally pursues who, which one of you initiates the breakup, and is there a common dynamic that doesn’t feel good to you?
Ultimately, you’re the common denominator in all of your relationships. So, if there’s a reason it’s not working out – it’s inside of you. Dating more men will not change this pattern. Yet, talking about the pattern will not change it either, instead talking about it will only reinforce it.
If you’re struggling to find a soul connection, there’s likely a hidden block keeping you from feeling it. This block needs to be removed, or you need to find a way to move around it.
2. Stop dating backwards
Most who people date backwards are looking for a feeling they are dating the right person. Unfortunately, your feelings are constantly changing, so using your feelings as a guide is not the best way to choose a life partner.
Giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt is dating backwards. Letting your feelings of attraction and chemistry cloud your judgment, ignoring red flags, or excusing bad behavior will never bring you the soul connection you crave. Never give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger — no matter how strong the chemistry is between you.
Once someone has proven themselves as trustworthy and reliable, you can give them the benefit of the doubt because they’ve earned it.
Allow dating to be a process and practice slow love. Take your time getting to know each other before going exclusive, and don’t make any assumptions. Use dating as a tool to find your limiting beliefs and other hidden blocks to love.
Listen to your inner dialog and how you feel with each guy. At the end of each date, check in with how you’re feeling and what you’re saying to yourself.
Is it different with a man you’re attracted to vs. a man you don’t feel the same spark with?Are you able to be authentic with each one?Pay attention on the walk to the car after the date; how do you feel and what’s your inner dialog after you’ve parted from him?
This is where you discover if there are any hidden beliefs or strategies that will keep you from the soul connection you desire.
When you cultivate discernment, you can easily deselect a guy who is not a match.
3. Don’t iron out conflict
This may sound counterintuitive because most people are conflict-avoidant, but you’ll never find a soul connection by avoiding conflict.
When you’re authentic and speak how you feel, you’re sending an invitation to the other person to meet you at a high level of authenticity. How a man responds to conflict gives you valuable information about whether the two of you will be able to navigate the inevitable challenges that will arise.
We’re not suggesting you look for conflict either. Instead, don’t “go along to get along”. Show up as your authentic self with the right person and you’ll figure it out together.
Address challenges and a difference of opinion in the moment and don’t let it fester. You’ll discover conflict is a doorway to a deeper connection with a man who is a match for you.
4. Don’t settle for less than the soul connection you desire.
You deserve to be with someone who gives you the feeling of being home. He deserves someone who is as head over heels about him as he is about you.
Make sure you don’t settle for “the should guy.”
“I should marry him, he’s so in love with me.”“I should marry him, he’d be a great father.”“I should marry him, he’s a good, faithful man.”“I should marry him, my friends and family adore him.”“I should marry him, he’s the best I’ve found so far.”
Way too many women are now divorced from “the should guy.”
Settling when it comes to a life partner is a recipe for disaster. You can’t sacrifice what you truly desire and expect to be happy for a lifetime.
A soul connection makes you feel grounded in the present moment and not off balance. You want your life-long love to balance you, not just light you up.
5. Decide what values your dream connection must share
The strength of a relationship is seen in how the couple faces the challenges that come their way. A lasting soul connection needs two people who share values and are on the same page with each other about what’s really important in life.
Shared values help you find your way back to each other when you are dealing with stress or disagreements. You’ll be more motivated to work your way through your differences when you share the same values.
Notice how he spends his resources. His behavior will be a bigger indication of what he values than what he says. People tend to spend their time, effort, and money on what they value. Notice how he treats the people in his life and how he treats you — are they similar or different?
When you share similar values, you can harness your differences toward the same goals and thrive as a couple. Soulmates are two individuals who continue to choose each other and stay together because they’re better together than apart.
6. Look for connection — not perfection
Lasting love is about creating a life together in service to your larger dreams and goals. When you are on the same page about what is important, you can weather any storm that comes your way.
The right man for you is not a perfect person, but he will be perfect for you because the two of you will have shared values, and you’ll both be willing to work together through the challenges of life.
When you choose the person who also chooses you, it will feel magical, but it’s not magic. It’s a choice, a choice you both make over and over again.
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Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker. They’re the authors of the free ebook, 7 Steps To Soulmating.
This article was originally published at https://www.loveonpurpose.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.