How to Be the Third in a Threesome
Here’s What You Need to Know About Being the Third in a Couple’s Threesome
Here’s What You Need to Know About Being the Third in a Couple’s Threesome
So, you’re considering being a guest star in a couple’s threesome.
Maybe it’s a couple you’ve known for quite some time, or a pair you just met and felt a connection with.
Being a third in someone’s threesome can be fun and freeing. When done right, VIVA STREET’s relationship expert Annabelle Knight says it can also be personally fulfilling.
“Being a third in a threesome can be an opportunity for personal growth and individual sexual exploration, allowing you to push your boundaries and fulfill your wildest threesome fantasies,” she explains.
But before you hop into bed with a couple, it’s important to establish boundaries, discuss expectations and be prepared for at least a little potential awkwardness. Here’s what you need to know about being a third in a threesome:
1. Consider Potential Pitfalls
Though it can largely depend on the situation, it’s likely safe to say that, when done right, being a third in someone’s threesome comes with more pros than cons.
However, it’s important to prepare for potential downsides before getting involved.
“You might feel jealous, insecure or excluded,” Knight points out.
Depending on your relationship with the couple, engaging in a threesome can also change whatever friendship dynamic you may have had initially.
While you can prepare yourself to feel your feelings, there’s also a chance that one or both of your other threesome participants may experience feelings they weren’t prepared for mid-act.
Communicating beforehand (which we’ll get into next) can go a long way to help manage the emotions that can arise before, during and after a threesome happens.
But it’s hard to prepare for how you or others will feel ahead of doing something you haven’t tried before — especially something like being part of a threesome.
2. Plan It Out With the Other Participants
“It’s essential to communicate openly, establish boundaries, and prioritize everyone’s comfort and well-being,” Knight stresses.
Ideally, the bulk of this conversation should occur ahead of the threesome.
“Discuss preferences, limits, and any concerns to ensure everyone feels safe and respected,” says Knight. “Approach these topics with sensitivity and openness, focusing on mutual respect and understanding.”
During this discussion, make sure you’re not only making your voice a priority but also taking the time to listen and understand the other participants’ needs, boundaries and points of view.
This should include what each person feels comfortable with and what their significant other is OK with having you do to their partner.
This kind of planning might not sound super sexy, but it’s crucial to avoid the worst-case scenarios that can come with a threesome.
3. Have a Safe Word
Even if you’ve had a productive pre-threesome conversation establishing boundaries, it’s still super important to have an agreed-upon safe word that all parties can use during the act itself.
“This is a word (which should be something you’d be unlikely to say during sex normally) that means ‘stop,’” Knight explains. “Saying your safe word is an easy way to ensure you’ve got a no-questions-asked way of avoiding discomfort, staying safe and happy during the threesome.”
4. Choose a Location
Where should you have your threesome?
The most common options on the table are likely your place, the couple’s residence, or a neutral location you rent out.
Knight says that all of these come with pros and cons, which should be weighed out and discussed by all parties involved.
“The couple involved, or the third might suggest their own home. However, this could carry emotional weight and have negative ramifications in the long run,” she explains. “A completely new location may feel less intimate, promising neutrality and ensuring everyone is participating on an equal footing.”
However, this location likely comes with a price tag, unlike the other options. Still, if all three parties are on board, Knight says opting for a spot different from your own residences can add something extra.
“Booking a hotel room or holiday rental can also elevate how special the threesome seems, building positive anticipation, which in turn can heighten the experience for you,” she says.
5. Check in During the Threesome
Enthusiastic consent is the key to a successful threesome, particularly if you’re joining as the third.
“The role of the third can vary but should involve respecting boundaries, communicating openly, and enhancing everyone’s pleasure,” says Knight. “Avoid assumptions and check in frequently to ensure everyone is comfortable.”
Pay close attention to body language, and verbally ask questions like “How does this feel?” and “Is this OK?” or even “Are you OK?” especially if things start to feel off.
6. Have an Exit Strategy
How long should you stick around after you’ve done the deed? Knight suggests doing a bit of threesome aftercare to ensure all parties are feeling good before you depart.
“After the threesome, consider discussing post-sex feelings and any need for emotional support,” she says. “This is called ‘after play,’ a form of self-care that allows for decompression of emotions through cuddling, conversation and reflection.”
Afterward, if everyone feels good, Knight recommends respecting the couple’s wishes whether you hang around or head home.
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Source: AskMen