Women Reveal What Finally Made Them Orgasm

Five Women Reveal The Secret Tricks That Make Them Climax

For a woman, chasing the Big O can sometimes feel a bit like chasing a rainbow. You set out enthusiastically, moving avidly towards its shimmer, only for it to disappear over the horizon just as you land at its intended spot. Performance anxiety for women is not often discussed because we don’t really know how to discuss it – or fix it.

However, there’s often a complex interplay of factors at work stopping her from getting off. So we talked to a shimmy of ladies to find out what was holding them back – and what finally tipped them over the edge to Pleasure Town.

1. The Dominatrix: Focusing on Him

It should come as no real surprise that the pressure to perform often backfires in the bedroom – and it’s the same for women. 32% of women say that when they don’t orgasm, it’s often because they’re stuck in their heads. So when you’re determined to make her come but it’s not happening, what she may need is actually to focus on you instead.

“If it’s not happening with my husband, I get him to hold off pleasuring me and just focus on him for a while. Ironically, not pursuing orgasm can sometimes enable it to just happen,” says professional dominatrix Zara du Rose.

2. The Academic: Going Off the Meds

Sometimes it takes a more chemical-based approach – 40% of people taking antidepressants will develop some form of sexual dysfunction, according to a paper published by the US National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health. And more women than men are on antidepressants.

“SSRIs (the most common form of antidepressants) are the most frustrating medications ever. Nothing – repeat, nothing – would even bring me close to orgasm while I was taking them… even the failsafe techniques I’d once relied on wouldn’t work. I just physically couldn’t climax,” says Kate Devlin, Goldsmiths academic who researches future sex tech.

“In the end the only thing that worked was stopping the meds at that dosage. Interestingly, a few years on I’m on SSRIs again but on a much lower dose and there’s no problem whatsoever. It was clearly a chemical thing.”

3. The Porn Star: Tons of Foreplay

“Although my Hitachi wand usually gets me off if all else fails, at times, I’ve actually become desensitized because of using it too frequently,” admits adult performer Tasha Reign. “I struggle to orgasm when I don’t have a significant amount of foreplay. I love a good massage leading into sex and then lots of kissing on my neck. I need my clitoris simulated as well, and really love being eaten out.”

Of course, hook-up culture doesn’t exactly prioritize focusing on her needs — the orgasm gap is a real thing for a reason. So what would really tip the scales is treating her in bed like you would any long-term partner whose needs you really do care about. Even if it is only for one night.

4. The Burlesque Dancer: A Mental Fakeout

“When I’ve struggled to orgasm in the past its usually been down to not being able to properly relax and enjoy. In those situations, out of pure frustration, I’ve faked it, but not just a pacified fake it to not offend a partner – instead, I’ve faked it to fake myself into thinking I’m going to orgasm,” says burlesque dancer Betsy Bop.

Yes, lots of women fake orgasm when sex takes too long and they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings, according to a poll carried out by Illicit Encounters, a dating website for married people, but it could also be that’s actually what will get her over the edge eventually.

“Sounds weird but when I’ve really got into the motions and moaning of a good old fake-it orgasm I’ve then [nine times out of ten] actually orgasmed. But for it to work it’s got to be full on lip biting, lip pouting, back arching, hip thrusting fake, I end up concentrating that much on the ‘performance’ in order for it to be convincing that I actually forget about everything else for that moment and lose all the stresses that have weighed me down and caused the block in the first place.”

5. The Activist: Just Plain Porn

“I’ve been with my current partner for a decade, and it’s hard to keep the energy going for that long a period of time,” says Kristen Schultz, writer, activist and founder of www.chronicsex.org. “For a time, the only thing that helped me climax was porn.”

While pornography is often thought of as more of a men’s thing, and the data suggests that they are the primary consumers of it, women also have powerful sex drives, so it shouldn’t be surprising that they get off to porn too — a lot.

And while most porn isn’t for everyone, finding the right porn for you can be a huge win for your sex life. So it’s genuinely possible that watching a little porn together (or separately) is just what the doctor ordered.

Here’s How to Watch Porn as a Couple
Are You Over-Focused on the Female Orgasm?
Does Your Girlfriend Masturbate?

Source: AskMen