It’s one of the biggest steps you can take in your relationship.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Last updated on Jul 27, 2023
Photo: Diego Zarulli/ Shutterstock
When I was a little girl, I was raised to believe that you don’t move in with a man before you’re married.
I don’t think it was that my religious parents were opposed to the idea of me, you know, doing laundry with a man or staying up late in dilapidated sweatpants binge-watching Netflix without a ring on my finger. To them “moving in together” meant “having sex,” and they weren’t huge on that. You know, what with the cow and giving away her milk for free, you get me.
However, as a cow who positively loves whipping up free glasses of milk for any man who piques my fancy, I’ve always assumed that I would move in with a man before I married him.
Moving in together is a rite of passage. Nowadays it’s the norm. You wouldn’t buy any old flavor at Baskin Robbins without testing eighteen, so why the would you marry someone without knowing if you could stand living together?
Moving in together is a rite of passage, yes, we’ve established that, but it’s also more. Moving in together is the key to learning just how much of a filthy garbage person they really are. Before you move in together, a guy might seem like Prince Charming. Once you’re co-habitating, you might then learn that Prince Charming loves to leave used vigorously used Q-Tips everywhere. And that’s not really that bad case a scenario, let’s be real.
That said, I’ve always figured that moving in together is a step that has to be taken if you plan on growing your relationship. For men, it seems like it’s a little bit more complicated. It used to be that men got cold feet when it came to popping the question. Now, the second your toothbrush dries, he’s saying he needs space.
So what exactly is so scary about moving in with a woman? Let’s hear from some anonymous dude. Hopefully, they can shine a light on the subject of moving in together.
Dudes: what worried you the most about moving in with your significant other? What would you tell your former self now?
Here is what scares guys the most about moving in with their girlfriends:
“The expectations. Remember that an expectation is a resentment waiting to happen. Good communication is the key to absolutely everything.”
“Something that you may not realize is that both of you already have an idea of how things should run, who should be responsible for what, and expectations of each other. You may not even realize it and you may never have acknowledged it consciously, but those expectations are there. You guys might have the same expectations of yourselves and each other, but they might be different too.”
2. Their alone time
“I worried I wouldn’t get alone time. It’s perfectly okay for both of you to want the house to yourself from time to time. And sometimes, you’ll sit at the same table all evening without speaking a word to each other.”
“I was worried about the petty resentment building up over stuff like doing chores. As somebody else suggested it’s a good idea to separate chores. But guess what? Sometimes somebody isn’t going to do their chores and you’ll end up doing it. Do not treat this as “you owe me one.” Just do it and let it go.”
4. Differences in income
“The difference in income worried me. Discuss beforehand how this difference in income/schedules should affect your household responsibilities. When these issues inevitably come up, don’t hesitate! Sit right down and figure out something that works for you both, before it becomes too much of a problem.”
5. Love levels
“That moving in together would make me love her less. The shocker for me was that there were suddenly days when I was less into my partner, for no discernible reason. And that’s okay. It always picks back up again, I know that now. But the first couple of times that that happened, it was scary.”
“That we’d have less sex. A big conversation needs to be had about sex and other fun stuff. You may right now jump each other like rabbits every time you see each other — but when you come home some nights, you may just want a night off (or your SO might). The key is to make sure that both of you realize this is normal. Otherwise, feelings may get hurt.”
“It’s normal for new couples to argue — you’ll both have different expectations about certain things. It’s important for these arguments/discussions to happen so that the issues can be resolved.”
There are vastly increased stakes if the relationship doesn’t work out. But ladies, don’t get too stressed. Moving in together can be amusing.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.