Here’s how to bring the passion back to your marriage.
By Caitlyn Hitt
Last updated on Oct 31, 2023
Photo: StockSnap | Canva
Being intimate is great and all, but according to a 2012 article by Jill Blakeway, clinic director of the YinOva Center and author of Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido, on the Huffington Post, kissing just may be more important.
An estimated 40 million Americans are living in intimacy-less marriages, according to Blakeway. Somewhat counterintuitively, jumping right back into the sack may not alleviate this problem. Instead, she recommends couples start with the basics to recharge their love lives: K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Blakeway says kissing can be “more intimate than sleeping with someone,” but is often one of the first things to go in a marriage that is losing its passion. “[I’ve had patients tell me,] ‘We used to spend hours kissing,'” says Blakeway. “Then I would ask, ‘Well how long do you spend kissing now?’ One patient said ‘When I first get in, I kiss my dog. Then I kiss my husband.'”
You didn’t marry your dog, you married your husband. You need to always work at keeping the passion alive in your marriage, and one of the ways you can do it is by kissing your husband first when you walk through the door.
Kissing is one of the best things you can do with another person. I done right, it can lead to some pretty fun times in the bedroom. If couples want to save their touch-starved marriages, why don’t they just kiss it out?
Kissing is crucial to the success of a relationship, says Blakeway. “Kissing is one of the first ways we connect physically. And then over time, it goes down. But there are some physical things that make kissing important.”
Kissing decreases your level of cortisol, a stress-causing hormone, and increases oxytocin, a hormone that encourages bonding, she notes. Kissing relaxes, builds a connection between partners — and gets us ready to “perform” in bed. “Chinese medicine says that the mouth and the tongue have a connection to the heart. So it’s the same idea. Kissing attaches people to each other,” says Blakeway.
So remember, you’re never too old for a good old-fashioned make-out session — it may even save your marriage or relationship.
Just make sure you’re doing it because you want to, and not as just a latch-ditch effort to save your marriage. It might end up feeling like your partner is making out with a dead, passionless fish.
Just like in fairytales where the princess kisses the frog and everything is right with the world again, kissing can do the same for your marriage. What role does kissing play in your relationship?
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Caitlyn Hitt is a freelance writer and editor whose work has been featured in Thrillist, Romper, the New York Daily News, and more.