It’s time to stop denying that your wants and desires today might not be the same tomorrow.
By Erika Jordan — Written on Jun 07, 2023
Photo: Jorge Elizaquibel / Shutterstock
Society loves to categorize. There were men and women, and when science pointed out that some people do not fit perfectly into those categories, some people were outraged. When we can not define those around us with labels, it confuses us.
The concept of fluidity puts some people in a panic. The solution is not for people to tattoo the labels on their skin. We need to embrace fluidity in every aspect — sexuality included.
Where you land on the spectrum of human sexuality
You can be straight. Then have an experience that makes you bisexual. Then perhaps you consider yourself gay for a few years, followed by another few years of being straight.
This doesn’t mean that any of those chapters were not genuine. We are evolving and growing, and for some of us, what we seek in a partner changes. Our desire to permanently categorize our loved ones often prevents them from properly getting to know themselves.
If you are mostly attracted to people of the opposite sex, you may label yourself as straight or heterosexual. If you are mainly attracted to people of the same sex, you may label yourself as gay, lesbian, or homosexual.
Or perhaps you do not define your desires by gender. Perhaps you consider yourself pansexual. Pansexuality is the romantic, emotional, and/or sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender. Pansexual people tend to gravitate towards a type of energy. They do not base their attraction on the other person’s pronouns.
Those who consider themselves omnisexual can be attracted to people of any gender but find that gender is still a factor in their attraction.
What we assume about people isn’t fact
Some people assume that attraction to others regardless of gender implies that those people act on their attraction more frequently than others. This leads to the stereotype that those people are promiscuous. Stereotypes stem from our desire to understand each other. The intention might be to better understand each other but these stereotypes are harmful.
Humans are not simple. We may see some similarities in people we come across, and this creates connections in the brain:
“Oh she dresses provocatively, she must be promiscuous.”
“She dated a man, she can’t be a lesbian.”
Whatever the connections are, you need to be mindful of the fact that they are not facts. Those are simply your brain’s best efforts at understanding the world around you.
Accept that we’re all unique
By undoing this we leave ourselves with great uncertainty. If people can not be labeled with complete accuracy we have to accept that each person is unique. Each person can shapeshift into different versions of themselves and that could mean they evolve into a person who is no longer compatible with you. The truth is scary.
We have a need for certainty, but we have an equal need for uncertainty. When it comes to accepting the fluidity in others, it often overwhelms us with a sense of uncertainty. This causes us to create some certainty in our life to balance it out.
More for You:
What Men Really Think About Small Breasts (As Told By VERY Honest Men)The 9 Sex Positions That Help You Fall In Love (Yes, Really!)30 Best Role Play Ideas Couples Should Try At Least Once3 Erotic Sex Positions That Make Women Orgasm
Erika Jordan is an internationally acclaimed love and relationship expert, NLP practitioner, author, and media personality, and a leader in the field of digital romance and online dating.