You don’t have to settle for getting less than what you give.
By Bob Alaburda — Last updated on Aug 08, 2023
Photo: mimagephotography / Shutterstock
Every breakup that isn’t the result of cheating or drama has the same common denominator: an imbalance between partners.
One person doesn’t feel like they are getting out of the relationship what they are putting in, whether that is in terms of effort, time, emotion, or something of the kind.
No relationship is a perfectly even split of 50/50 effort 100 percent of the time, even the best ones. What really tends to happen is that partners take turns rising to the occasion. One partner may put in the majority of the effort the majority of the time, but there is a fair amount of trading off depending on what is happening and what both people need in order to thrive.
But sometimes, you put your whole heart into a relationship and spend forever waiting for the other person to do the same.
You find you’re not getting the same love you give. Maybe not even close.
And that’s when it hurts.
The worst part is when you feel like you were both “all in” on the relationship, and then one person stops putting in the same effort — either all at once, or slowly over time. That can be confusing and upsetting because you know what your partner is capable of. If only they would just try!
You probably have wonderful memories of the times together when you were both loving your best and with no reservations, and you therefore hold out hope that things can return to that state. It might be possible, it might not be. It depends on your particular relationship.
Just know you deserve for your love to be returned in full.
If you’re not getting what you deserve in a relationship, it’s OK to feel hurt. It’s OK to ask why. It’s OK to ask for more. And it’s OK to walk away if it doesn’t change.
You deserve to get the same love you give.
No relationship can survive perpetual imbalance. You can’t keep giving and giving indefinitely without stirring up far too much resentment than you and your relationship will eventually be able to handle.
How heartbreaking is it when someone doesn’t love you as much as you love them? Even if it’s a small difference. If it’s a consistent lack, it will eat away at you — and rightfully so.
If your partner doesn’t return your love in equal measure at least the majority of time, then you deserve to find someone who will.
The hard part is being patient and waiting for that person who will love you like you love them, but it’s worth more than wondering if you can manage without them.
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Bob Alaburda is a senior editor at dvm360. His writing has appeared in the Huffington Post, Ravishly, and more.