Master the Art of Erotic Spanking
Feeling Naughty? Here’s How to Master the Art of Erotic Spanking
Feeling Naughty? Here’s How to Master the Art of Erotic Spanking
While impact play definitely falls under the BDSM umbrella, if you’ve ever spanked someone (or been spanked) during sex, you might not be quite as kinky as you think you are.
That’s because, for instance, some data suggests the majority of women say they enjoy being spanked.
And, realistically, the average guy is often down to participate, whether it’s a few light smacks in doggy-style, or going all out to leave a handprint on the other person’s backside.
Of course, let’s not forget the wide and wonderful world of guys who themselves enjoy being spanked, too.
So whatever your relationship to spanking, whether you’re the spanker, the spankee or both, here’s what you should know about the practice so that you’re causing just the right kind and amount of pain:
Understanding Sexual Spanking
The History of Spanking
Sex expert and commentator Coleen Singer says that while the earliest mentions go as far back as recorded human history, erotic spanking really became a thing during the Renaissance where it was practiced in French courts. She adds that it grew to popularity in Victorian England and was referred to internationally as ‘The English Vice.’
It really became something that was more widely accepted centuries later.
“Erotic spanking gained international appeal in the 1940s via John Willie’s Bizarre magazine, which published illustrated fetish stories and articles, many of which had a spanking theme,” Singer explains.
“By the 1970s, spanking groups sprang up around the United States,” she adds, “many of which are still active today (such as Shadow Lane, Crimson Moon and Paddles Club NYC).”
Why Is Spanking Sexy for Many People?
Lots of people are familiar with spanking as a practice for disciplining children. Whether using an implement like a stick or simply by hand, for many people, spanking was the worst punishment of them all, and a parental threat to ‘throw you over my knee’ was enough to send kids running.
But as adults, why does spanking seem, well, hot? Singer explains it’s the mix of pleasure and pain — and that it’s mental.
“The same neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers, dopamine, is also active in the body’s chemical reactions that make us feel pain,” Singer says. “Erotic spanking — a perfect combination of the two — can be an arousing addition to foreplay and sex.”
On the other hand, spanking can also be extremely sexy from a power play perspective. Whether you’re the submissive or dominant person in a given situation, knowing that one person is punishing the other and inflicting their will on them through physical pain can be really hot.
The Different Levels of Spanking
You might have a sexual fantasy of whips, chains, leather and a dark room where your girl’s dressed up in all black, and maybe even (if you’re really kinky!) — tied up, waiting for you to spank her. Hey, it’s normal and being dominant (as we described above) can be a big turn on for a lot of dudes. But before you work all the way up to intense erotic spanking, it’s important to understand what the different levels are. And where you should get started.
“In the spanking community, the differentiation is often referred to as a ‘Good Girl Spanking’ versus a ‘Bad Girl Spanking,” Singer explains.
More than likely, you and your partner will get started with ‘Good Girl Spanking’ and maybe, if she’s into it and you are too, work your way up to the more intense, Bad Girl version.
“Good Girl spankings are playful, erotic and generally light impact as part of foreplay or during sex in positions that allow it,” Singer explains.
You’ve maybe even had Good Girl spankings with your girlfriend already — especially if you have a tendency to smack her ass while having doggy-style sex.
A big difference between the good and bad styles is actually sex: “Bad Girl spankings are much harder, and generally are stand-alone activities that do not involve sex,” Singer explains. “These are often incorporated into role-playing where one partner has done something egregious and must be brought to contrition prior to being forgiven.”
If your partner is, say, a good girl during her bad girl spanking? Well, then Singer says, you might give her a reward — like having sex.
How to Spank Someone Sexually
1) Talk To Your Partner
If you want to try a little more intense spanking in the bedroom, it’s key to really talk to your partner before surprising them with a spanking.
Singer says that after having an open conversation where you both consent to this new dimension in your sex life, come up with safe words you can both come back to if something gets too intense.
“Taking control or giving up control are both roles that require a mutual understanding in advance of what the goals and limits are,” Singer says.
“I highly encourage couples to adopt the time-honored ‘traffic light’ system,” she adds. “If the bottom says ‘green,’ that communicates ‘go harder.’ If the bottom says ‘yellow,’ that means all is still good, but not to go much harder. If the bottom says ‘red,’ that means stop immediately to recover a little and decide whether or not to resume.”
2) Do Your Spanking Research
Before you get yourself and your partner into the bedroom, Singer says it can be really sexy — and um, educational — to figure out just how this spanking bit works by searching together online.
One easy way to answer a lot of your questions is to read some active discussion online.
“The oldest, largest and most in-depth one is Fetlife.com, which also has a vast directory of local club, group, workshop and munch listings,” Singer says. These welcoming spaces will help prepare you for erotic spanking.
Another fun idea? Watch some spanking videos together.
“BDSM movies will help you get some ideas of what activities appeal to both of you,” Singer says. “If you are new to erotic power exchange, you may want to start with lighter movies, as many of the BDSM sites out there are simply rough sex sites that have little to do with true BDSM or erotic power exchange.”
Her choice for a place to start? Singer has directed many films at SpankingEpics.com. And for another option, Wasteland.com has safe, sane and consensual BDSM and features original authentic movies with actual kinky lifestyle couples, instead of porn stars.
3) Consider a Spanking Workshop
Yes, spanking workshops do exist. Singer says these are not only fun for date night (and will most likely lead to a little play once you get home), but they can help guide your exploration into other kinky ideas for your sex life, too.
Another option? What’s known in the kink community as a Munch.
“Munches are informal social gatherings, usually at a restaurant, pub, or other public place, for people who are interested in BDSM or other similar lifestyles,” Singer explains. “They are hosted by one or two experienced members of the community.”
“Once they find a place that will allow ‘adult conversation’ and monthly bookings, they usually post the location, date and time on a local list,” she continues. “Although most munches don’t involve any demonstrations or actual training, they are a great place to meet and greet other folks on the kinky side of sex.”
4) Start With a Warm-Up
You’ve probably heard that good foreplay will lead to hotter and more enjoyable sex for both of you, and the same is true for erotic spanking.
Before you start using all of your might to slap your partner’s butt cheeks, you want to make sure that they’re comfortable, relaxed and ready for the experience.
“Start off by just rubbing the butt, either bare or clothed. This helps to get the circulation going,” Sinclaire says. “Rubbing, caressing, or massaging the butt gives your lover a feel-good sensation and leaves them wanting more. It’s all about mixing pleasure with pain: pushing their limits and making them want more.”
While you’re doing this, you can also talk lovingly to them — or maybe even some dirty talk if you’re both into that — which can help them ease even deeper into the moment.
The key here is to take your time and not to rush it — you may even want to go down on them, use your hands to manually stimulate them, or have gentle, passionate sex to make sure you’re both connected.
5) Introduce the Pleasure/Pain Combo
Once you’ve massaged your partner, bare-bottom or clothed, Sinclaire says it’s time to add in some surprising smacks here-and-there to prep for the spanking session.
“Start off with light slaps then work up to what they are comfortable with,” she says. “Rotate between cheeks but always end with rubbing their bottom. Once they are more used to it and can take a bit more pain, then rub and slap their bottom more than once, but ending with a rub.”
This step is important, because it makes this erotic experience more personal and intimate.
“Once you slap their butt after the rub, it immediately goes from pleasure to pleasurable pain with a slight feel-good sting,” Sinclaire says. “Then going back to the rubbing after the slap, helps to take the sting away replacing it with pleasure again but leaving them wanting to feel that pleasurable sting again.”
In other words — this is where they’re going to get really turned on and ready to have more fun with you.
6) Mix Sex With Spanking
When you’re first starting out with erotic spanking, it might be most comfortable — and enjoyable — to mix intercourse with the spanking.
This will be easiest in doggy-style or variations thereof, but can also easily be practiced while engaging in lying-sideways or standing-up sex positions, and if you’re creative, spanking while in missionary isn’t out of the question either.
“If your lover wants you to spank them while they are fucking you missionary style, you can easily reach your hands around onto their butt and spank them with the same spank-and-rub pattern,” Sinclaire says. “This is very erotic for both.The sensations from being inside someone or having someone inside of you along with the erotic rubbing and slapping of the bottom is enough to send both partners over the edge.”
Spanking Safety Tips to Remember
Because erotic spanking can be somewhat painful (in a good way) — Sinclaire says making a few house rules in the bedroom is never a bad idea.
These include: having a safe word that’s generic and can’t be misinterpreted for anything else.
“The person on the receiving end can say this to make all play stop immediately — no questions asked. Respect your partner’s limits,” Sinclaire says.
Another important thing to remember is where you’re spanking: Sinclaire notes that if you hit your partner’s lower back instead of their bottom, you actually run the risk of damaging their kidneys, so err on the side of caution and aim lower rather than higher.
Above all things, make sure you’re both happy, comfortable and in-tune to each other’s needs and wants, so you both have the best time possible.
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Source: AskMen
