Get help finding out when a girl crush is something more.
By Kyanah Murphy — Last updated on Aug 25, 2023
Photo: Ollyy / Shutterstock
She’s beautiful. She’s smart. She’s hilarious. She has glorious full lips and eyes that just …
Hey, wait a minute. Where are you going with this train of thought? If you’re thinking you may have a girl crush on your female friend, in the words of Jenna Marbles, ask yourself: “Do I want to be her or do I want to be on her?”
What is a girl crush, anyway?
It seems to be just a non-lesbian way to say you adore this particular girl. I’m not even sure why having a crush on a female friend is a thing because when you get to the core of “girl crush,” what you’re really trying to say is I admire her.
Why can’t we just say we admire her and we want to be her? Saying you admire someone isn’t does mean you have romantic feelings for them, and even if you have an actual crush on her, so what?
I’m probably hitting a lot of hot buttons that are making you panic, so let’s get to figuring out if it’s admiration you feel or if you have a real crush on a female friend.
How to know if you have a “girl crush,” a real crush, or something else.
1. You feel a certain way when you look at her.
Girl crush: You really wish you had her body. What body lotion does she use? Or does she use body butter? What about hair products? How does she get her hair to do what it does? God, could she be any more perfect?
Actual crush: You notice she has a nice body and you kinda wanna touch her. Anywhere will do. You’re sort of forgetting what personal space means, too. Unconsciously, of course.
2. You really want to talk to her.
Girl crush: You want to know what’s going on in her life and hear all about her amazing boyfriend and the crazy dates she’s been on. She’s so interesting!
Actual crush: You really just want to talk to her all day long about anything and everything. She makes you laugh and smile a lot. She makes you feel good. And sometimes, you do talk all day — those are the best!
3. You think about her a lot.
Girl crush: You think she’s amazing. She’s the luckiest girl with the greatest hair, the greatest boobs, the greatest boyfriend. She’s so smart and pretty and talented.
Actual crush: You can’t stop thinking about her. You can’t stop daydreaming about her perfect hair, perfect boobs, her sense of humor, her wit — the list goes on, really. She’s always on your mind. She’s your last thought before you sleep and the first when you wake up. She’s also the first person you text each day.
4. You get jealous of her.
Girl crush: She’s flawless with the perfect life. How can you not be jealous? Maybe if you stand in her shadow some of that flawlessness will rub off on you. Maybe an amazing boyfriend will sweep you up. Her boyfriend has a brother, right? A best friend?
Actual crush: When you get down to it, you notice you’re jealous of her boyfriend. I mean, they’re always together, always watching movies, Netflix and chill never happens for them, and they’re always hanging out. Ugh!
5. You think she should leave her boyfriend.
Girl crush: Because she’s your girl and he is actually not as amazing as you once thought. She deserves way better than him. Doesn’t he know how good he has it? No, of course not. He doesn’t deserve her. Plus, she’s never around anymore because of him. She has time for no one.
Actual crush: Because she’s your girl. She’s never around anymore. She can do better than him. She deserves someone to treat her like the majestic unicorn she is. She deserves you. You can do better than him.
6. You miss her when you’re not hanging out.
Girl crush: Saturday nights just aren’t as fun without her. Sure, you can continue binge-watching your show but it won’t be the same without her and her (tipsy) commentary.
Actual crush: You can’t really seem to stay away. You say bye or goodnight at the end of your day, but a little while later, you’re texting her again. And you’ll look for any excuse to hang out. You’re open to anything. The more frequent, the better.
If you found yourself agreeing more with the girl crush, then you just admire her. You want to be her and be her best friend at the same time.
If you find yourself agreeing more with the actual crush, then I’d say you want to be with her. It might be time to test the waters to see if she might swing your way.
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Kyanah Murphy is a writer and former contributor to YourTango.