You need to do these things immediately if you want him to see you as more than a hookup.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Updated on Apr 25, 2023
Photo: Anastasia Grig / Shutterstock
With most guys out there, girls that they have sex with fall into one of two categories.
Either a girl is a hookup, or she’s a relationship girl. Most guys already can tell whether you’re just a hookup or a relationship girl after the first couple of times they see you.
That being said, it’s not a total snap decision on the guy’s part.
There are ways you can make it clear that you’re a relationship-only kind of girl. Here are things you should do if you want to be more than just a casual sex hookup.
If you want it to be more than a hookup, don’t do these 12 things:
1. Don’t tell him you’re OK with a hookup if you’re not
Guys react very well to established boundaries because they will walk all over you if you have none. By putting your foot down early, they get the picture that you’re not someone who will put up with their bad behavior.
2. Don’t get clingy and desperate
If you get too clingy, guys will back away from thinking of you as a relationship type of girl. No one wants to deal with a super-clingy girl.
3. Don’t confess messed up stuff you did to an ex
Guys really don’t want to deal with girls who have done messed up things to other men. For example, if your last relationship ended because you cheated on your man with three people, telling him that will make him want to avoid dating you.
4. Actually, don’t talk about other men, period
This often is taken as a hint that you’re really not looking at him as a relationship guy.
5. Don’t lie about what you want
If you want a relationship, say you want a relationship. Sometimes, guys think that we only see them as hookups because they can’t imagine we’d want something long-term with them.
6. Don’t act super-sleazy
Do you know how girls tend to demote guys who act like skeevy pervs to fling status at best? It works both ways. If a guy thinks you’re a sleaze, he won’t want to date you. If anything, dressing conservatively will help with this.
7. Don’t have sex with his friends or flirt with them
Technically, this falls under “acting super-sleazy,” but it’s still worth noting. A lot of men won’t date someone who has slept with their friends as a fling. It’s against Bro Code and would just spark too much drama.
8. Don’t give him too much
A guy who sees a girl who is super-nice might take advantage of her — and that’s really not what you want. When a guy thinks he can get away with asking for way more than they deserve, they will try to do so.
You might think that cooking him dinner and cooing at him will make him see you as relationship material, but it’s often just an added “bonus” for guys who want a hookup. A smarter route is to just tell him, “Oh, I don’t do that for guys who aren’t my boyfriend.”
9. Don’t forget to make yourself show interest
Ask him about himself. Show interest in his hobbies. Ask him what he does for fun or how his life is going. These things show him that you can be more than just a hookup, and that’s encouragement for him to pursue you.
10. Don’t hide your accomplishments
Guys want someone they can be proud of, just as much as girls do. By showing him you have a life of your own, you make yourself more attractive to men.
11. Don’t let it last too long
A good friends-with-benefits situation is a temporary thing. If you let it last too long, you might catch feelings.
12. Don’t stop dating other guys
Simply put, it’s never wise to put all your eggs in one basket. So, keep dating around.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.