How to Reach Climax in No Time

Are You Having Trouble Finishing? Here’s How to Speed Things Up

Picture it: After one of those slightly-tipsy, laugh-all-night dates with someone you’re dating, you retire back to your place — or your new fling’s — and start to make out a little.

The mood is sexy and enticing, you’re enjoying yourself and pleasuring your partner, but for whatever reason, you can’t finish.

It’s a frustrating — and at times uncomfortable — experience for both of you, but not one that’s uncommon, according to sexpert Coleen Singer of Sssh.com. Though it’s supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows, reaching climax can be a cumbersome task for many men and, unfortunately, this inability to finish can happen at any point in your relationship or sex life.

As Singer explains, a recent study found between 7 and 11 percent of men report this issue, though the number might be skewed, since hard numbers — no pun intended — are difficult to come by.

Though you might be embarrassed to discuss your performance with friends, it’s important to understand the causes and more importantly, the solutions, that can help foster a healthier and more enjoyable experience.

After all, there’s nothing worse than someone you’re crazy about begging for you to finish when you’re worried you won’t be able to.

Here, sex experts offer their tried-and-true advice:

Why Do Some Men Struggle to Reach Climax?

It’s not uncommon for guys to go through periods where they can’t seem to reach climax, but the reasons that create the problem vary. Here are some general causes:

Aging

As you get older, your body starts changing in a variety of ways, and some of those ways will impact your sex.

As a younger man, you might have had more stamina, more endurance, and perhaps more sensitivity, but in your 30s and following decades, these things may be fading — and that can impact your ability to have an orgasm. Singer says this is a common issue and one that should be discussed with your primary care doctor.

Prescription Medications

If you’ve been feeling less than stellar lately, it’s probably no surprise your below-the-belt region is impacted, too. Certified sexuality counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Dawn Michael explains that, while often necessary, some medications can prevent or impair climax.

“Men should consult their medical doctor to see what pills may have a side effect of delayed orgasm,” she says. “Many anti-depressant meds fall into this category, among others.”

Singer notes that some specific culprits to be wary of include Xanax, Valium, and numerous blood pressure and psychiatric meds.

Stress and Anxiety

Going through a period where your calendar is overbooked with meetings, deadlines and business trips? Or fighting more than usual with your partner? Did you just become a father? Any period of high stress will not only impact your sleep, your diet, your skin condition and your brain, but your sexual moves, too.

Although stress can be hard to combat head-on, since it so often stems from life circumstances that are hard to improve at the snap of a finger, decreasing stress levels and finding a way to unwind can have a major impact.

Medical Conditions

Another not-so-fun perk of getting older? The likelihood you’ll be diagnosed with a disease or ailment that presents lifelong side effects, one of which is delayed orgasm: from diabetes and paraplegia to multiple sclerosis and other serious conditions.

If you’re concerned any of these might be a factor when it comes to your missing climaxes, speak with your trusted medical professional to navigate the tricky road ahead.

Advil, or Other Pain Relievers

Prescription meds aren’t the only ones that can have a deleterious effect on your orgasms. Popping an Advil, Ibuprofen or Aspirin might seem intuitive after a difficult set at the gym, following a wild night out with too much booze, or when you’re dehydrated, but Singer says pain relievers taken in excess can make it difficult for you to reach climax.

This could be due to a lack of sensitivity or a build-up that’s not compatible with your system. No matter what, talk with your doctor if you’re experiencing this delayed response.

Alcohol

You might want to look toward your liver to diagnose the cause of your delayed orgasm. As Dr. Michael says, while some men have the ever-famous “whiskey dick” — and can’t seem to rise to the moment when they’re intoxicated — others have a reverse reaction.

You might be able to get hard, but you won’t be able to finish, since you don’t feel as sensitive and you’re not as tuned-in to the moment as you would be if you were sober. Try cutting back on booze to see if it makes a difference.

Performance Anxiety

So it happened once. Then again. Then another ten times. You’re frustrated, your partner is disappointed — or multiple partners are. Now it’s only getting worse, as your heightened nerves make it that much harder to be in the moment during arousal.

Dr. Michael says many men develop performance anxiety when they don’t acknowledge their struggles. She says the sooner you address — and develop a strategy — to relax and climax, the happier your partner and your relationship will be.

The Impact on Your Relationship

If you’re in a long-term relationship and climax issues are ongoing, it could start to weigh on you as a couple.

Any partner, regardless of gender, might be disappointed if they felt they couldn’t get their lover to climax, but this could be a particular sore spot for people in hetero relationships where your partner doesn’t have any familiarity with what it’s like to have a penis.

As Singer says, “Many partners of men with this affliction are confused, at a loss, and fearful that their own desirability, or possible lack of sexual skill, may be part of the problem. This creates a chilling effect on intimacy and trust, both of which are key to fostering a mutually supportive relationship.”

While this is reason enough to develop ways to overcome your performance issue (more on that later!), Dr. Michael adds that many men will also feel confused.

“Not being able to reach climax can erode his self-confidence if he feels he has no control over it and that it is affecting his sex life,” she says. “It can even prevent him from wanting to have sex. It can create anxiety surrounding sex in his relationship and wreak havoc with the way he feels about himself as a man in some instances.”

How to Cure Your Orgasm Difficulties

When you put these two mental mishaps together, you might find yourselves having less and less intercourse, and pulling away emotionally. Luckily, there are ways to tackle this issue, according to the sex pros:

Do Kegel Exercises

Thought those were only for people with vulvas? Think again, Singer says. Men can squeeze and release their down-there muscles regularly for 10 minutes a day to improve their performance. As she explains, “These tone the pelvic floor muscles, intensifying orgasm and strengthening ejaculation. Ask your doctor for instructions or look online for tutorials.”

Remember to Breathe

The last time you were focusing on something — or nervous about it — did you hold your breath? During periods of anxiety, it’s common to forget to inhale and exhale, regardless if it’s in a boardroom or in your bedroom.

Though normal, Singer says the more you can breathe during sex, the better you will perform and be able to reach climax.

“It relaxes the nervous system so that erotic stimulation can trigger orgasm and ejaculation,” she explains.

Explore Your Fantasies

Regardless if they include your partner or not, Singer says the more you’re accepting of your fantasies, the better experience you will have erotically.

Take the time to speak calmly and candidly with your partner(s) about what gets you going and what doesn’t, pulling from past experiences — or ones you’d like to have.

“Recall the sexual fantasies that have turned you on in the past. Elaborate on them. They need not include your lover. They just need to excite you,” Singer says.

Try Using Lubricant

“Sexual lubricants make the genitals more sensitive to touch, and often help men with performance problems,” Singer says.

It’s not a diss on you or your partner, but an added sensation that will make it more likely you can have your grand finale.

Dr. Michael echoes Singer, adding: “A good lubrication can make manual stimulation more pleasurable. If a man is circumcised and not able to use the foreskin to masturbate, then a lubrication may help with friction and create a more pleasurable experience.”

Try Sex Toys

Dr. Michael suggest certain types of sex toys for men as a way to help you ease into orgasm. These are beneficial since they teach you about your trigger zones and stimulate more parts of your erogenous areas than a woman can engage on her own. First, she suggests a penis ring or a male vibrator that pulsates, since these offer more stimulation to your penis, resulting in a faster climax.

Another one? Last but not least, a prostate vibrator that adds pleasure to your G-spot, and has been known to help men not only finish faster but have more powerful orgasms, too, according to Dr. Michael.

Explore Mutual Masturbation

Sometimes the key to unlocking your orgasm is in your hands — literally. Sex and foreplay are great, but nobody knows your body better than you do, and you might have an easier time — physically and psychologically — achieving orgasm if you’re pleasuring yourself.

But that doesn’t mean your partner needs to feel left out — not if you engage in mutual masturbation. Instruct them to pleasure themselves while you pleasure yourself, and you can even use your words to encourage each other to climax.

Help Her Orgasm Faster
7 Ways to Enhance the Male Orgasm
How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms

Source: AskMen