Here’s how to know for sure that you’ve finally met your match.
By Clay Andrews — Updated on Apr 13, 2023
Photo: PeopleImages.com – Yuri A / Shutterstock
I’m sure there are at least a few dating and relationship horror stories from your past.
Don’t worry, it’s completely normal to have a few experiences that seemed like good ideas at the time but didn’t really lead where you were hoping (Please don’t ask me to count my own personally).
However, love and dating don’t isn’t just a matter of luck or chance.
ere’s how smart women approach the dating scene in order to find great men and have successful relationships.
Who are you looking for?
Some women will just chase the elusive feeling of “chemistry,” believing that when someone is right for you, “you just know.” Not to sound unromantic, but that just isn’t good enough.
You’ve probably felt that wonderful feeling of chemistry before, right? We all have. But what eventually happened to those men or relationships? They probably fizzled out or ended in a breakup. That just goes to show that chemistry isn’t enough to sustain a long-term relationship.
And you don’t want to go to the other extreme either of being too picky. (“He is six feet tall, has blond hair, makes six figures a year, buys me gifts at least once a week, has a body fat percentage no greater than 10 percent, etc.”) The goal isn’t to find some mythical unicorn of a man who only lurks in fairy tales and the imaginations of women with sky-high expectations. The goal is to find the right man for you.
Make a list of your dating deal-breakers
So sit down and actually think about the five more important qualities you want in a man. Limit it to five so that you don’t become too picky and so you are only focusing on what is truly important to you (Does it really matter that he’s tall? Or is it more important that he’s loyal? Choices, choices.)
Also, write out five deal breakers that you won’t put up with in any man who you would ever consider having a serious relationship with. Again, limit it to five so that you focus on what is actually most important to you.
Okay, do you have your two lists of five “must have” qualities and five “deal breaker” qualities?
As you put yourself out into the dating scene, you will meet men. You’re going to use your two lists to know whether or not he’s Mr. Right.
Here are four categories of men you’re likely to meet as you date:
1. Really wrong men
These are the men who will have few qualities on your “must have” list and many qualities on your “deal breaker” list. These are the men that you do not want to have anything to do with. Typically serial killers and psychopaths end up in this category.
2. Wrong men
These men are probably great people; however, they just aren’t a good match for you. They may have some of the “must have” qualities, but they also have some of the “deal breaker” qualities as well. Because of that, it is unlikely that you will be able to have a successful and healthy relationship with men like this.
3. Good men
These men are tempting to settle down with and start a relationship with. After all, they will have most of your “must-have” qualities — maybe even all of them. Or they may have only one “deal breaker.”
They are close to what you’re looking for, however, because they are lacking at least one “must-have” quality or they have at least one “deal breaker,” you will never truly be happy in a relationship with these men.
4. Great men — Mr. Right
These guys are the exact guys you want to date. They have all five of your “must have” qualities and they have none of your “deal breaker” qualities. Since you limited yourself to only five of each “must haves” and “deal breakers,” there are probably plenty of these men out there.
As you meet and date men, you want to evaluate them to see how they fit into this framework. Does he have your “must-have” qualities? Does he have any of your “deal breakers?”
If it seems like he might have all your “must-have” qualities, keep dating him. If you see a “deal breaker,” you should stop dating him immediately. After all, the more time you spend with someone who will ultimately not make you happy, the less time and space you have to welcome the right kind of man into your life.
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Clay Andrews is a relationship coach and founder of Attract the One. He specializes in helping people repair, save and build relationships.