Everything You Need to Know About Handjobs

Here’s Why Handjobs Are Actually Cool (Yes, We Said It)

If there’s a single sex act most associated with being a teenager, it’s undoubtedly the infamous handjob. More intimate than French kissing or heavy petting, manual stimulation of the genitals — by another person, specifically — crosses a clear boundary from sensual into sexual.

At the same time, it’s a sex act that many people leave behind, intentionally or otherwise, when they begin engaging in oral sex, anal or vaginal penetrative sex. Compared to those heavy hitters, handjobs can be seen as less impressive, less desirable, less special, or even less sexy.

And yet, handjobs are incredibly versatile.

They can be performed by almost anyone — all you need is a person with a penis and a person with a hand. They can be performed almost anywhere in any position, whether sitting, standing, lying down, or even underwater.

They can take under a minute to complete, but can be stretched out for hours if you’re really going for it. And unlike oral and penetrative sex, they don’t require any safe-sex protection as they won’t lead to STI transmission or pregnancy.

In short, there’s a lot to like about handjobs. So what’s the deal with them, exactly? We spoke to some sex experts to get to the heart of the matter at hand.

What Is a Handjob?

So what is a handjob, exactly?

“A handjob is any stimulation from the hand of a partner on [another person’s] penis,” says Mackenzie Riel, a sexpert for TooTimid.com, “typically in a fashion that simulates the thrusting of penetrative sex.”

So while there are lots of different ways to stimulate the penis, the giver moving their hand up and down — from the base of the shaft to the head, or glans, of the receiver’s penis — is what’s typically understood by the term “handjob.”

“Technically, manual stimulation of the vulva or vagina probably could be considered a handjob too,” says Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackandJillAdult.com, “but we know it better as ‘fingering.’”

Are Handjobs ‘Worse’ Than Other Sex Acts?

For guys who are on the prowl for sex, a handjob can seem boring. After all, as he’s likely used to touching his own penis with his own hands, someone else’s hand might not seem that special when considering the sensation of a mouth, vagina or anus.

But is it really fair to consider the handjob somehow lesser form of sex? Lords thinks not.

“Handjobs get a bad rap for being ‘not real’ sex or simply not as sexy,” she says. For many people, a handjob is “something you did as a teenager to pretend you weren’t having sex (you totally were) while also not fearing pregnancy or STIs.”

As a result, she notes that “some people truly don’t enjoy giving a handjob, because it’s seen as the ‘least sexy’ option.”

“Guys who demand handjobs when their partner won’t provide oral or penetrative sex haven’t helped either,” adds Lords. “Sulking or pouting because you’re getting the ‘not as good’ version doesn’t exactly cement the act as a favorite one in people’s minds. The poor, mistreated handjob doesn’t really deserve that reputation.”

Not to mention, handjobs have an erotic aspect to them that’s underappreciated, too.

“Handjobs can be slow and sensual, a ‘cruel’ tease to turn a partner on and then make him wait,” describes Lords. “They can be paired with mutual masturbation (both giving and providing manual stimulation at the same time). They’re the sneaky thing you can do in public to be kinky or sexy that you’re least likely to get caught doing. And handjobs are easier and safer than blowjobs while driving. A hand job is as sexy, intimate or kinky as you make it.”

Handjob Dos & Don’ts

If you’re someone who is completely new to the world of handjobs, you’ll probably benefit from some pointers to help unlock the erotic and kinky potential of the much-maligned manual stimulation act. Read on to discover some basic dos and don’ts to help you shake the rookie handjob jitters.

Don’t: Go Dry

Apart from a penis and a hand, the other thing a handjob needs is some kind of lubricant.

“Adding lubricant or lotion can give him a much more realistic feeling, and will make it much easier for your hand to glide up, down and around his penis,” advises Riel. “Giving a handjob raw can lead to irritation on his penis from the friction, or give you an unnecessary cramping feeling in your hand. The slippery feeling of the lubricant or lotion will ultimately make it easier for you to give a handjob, and easier for him to enjoy it.”

Of course, compared to other, more complicated sex acts, handjobs are perhaps more likely to be impromptu affairs performed in public or semi-public settings on the spur of the moment. As a result, it’s possible that neither participant happens to be toting a container of lubricant around.

If you are going the lube-less handjob route, Riel notes that it’ll probably be a lot more enjoyable for the receiver (and as a result, possibly for the giver) if you add some saliva to the mix. It’s not as slippery as a good lube, but it is naturally occurring, and… free.

Do: Get Rotational

One way to intensify the feeling is of a handjob is for the giver to rotate their hand back and forth around the shaft of the receiver’s penis.

“Gripping the penis and rotating your hand around gently as you go up and down his shaft,” says Riel, will help deliver a more pleasant sensation than the giver simply moving their hand up and down steadily without rotating it at all.

From there, the giver can “pick up the speed or slow down the action depending on [the receiver’s] preference,” she adds. That second kind of movement just makes it all the more realistic.

Don’t: Go Too Fast

Penis-based masturbation, particularly when approaching orgasm, can be a blur — literally. Your hand might be moving so fast up and down the shaft that it’s hard to even see properly.

But handjobs — while recreating the basic mechanics of masturbation (hand + penis) and potentially creating a very similar sensation — are typically slower-moving affairs.

“Slow down,” says Lords. “The person giving the handjob shouldn’t rub like they’re trying to start a fire.”

That’s even more important if you have little or no lube; the handjob would be likely to end with a sore or even friction-burned penis. Even if you are all lubed up, starting off slow is better. In part, that’s because the main difference between masturbation and a handjob is that the receiver no longer has control — making rapid motion potentially more dangerous, and as a result less emotionally comfortable for the receiver.

That being said, this advice does sort of go out the window if the receiver starts asking the giver to speed up, and that can be useful as the receiver approaches climax. But it’s definitely better to err on the side of caution when it comes to hand speed.

Do: Communicate

As with any sex act, consent is deeply important, not just for making sure everyone feels safe and comfortable, but also for ensuring that you’re both on the same page about what feels good. As a result, communication is the name of the game when it comes to handjobs, too.

“If you’re receiving a handjob, let your partner know what you like and what you don’t like,” says Lords. “If you’re giving a handjob, ask ‘Do you like this?’ And then shift the handjob if the answer is ‘no.’”

If you feel nervous about having a straightforward conversation about it, you can also try to guide things with slightly subtler clues.

“When you’re receiving, give subtle but clear cues on what feels good or what isn’t giving you sensation at all,” says Riel. “Sometimes, the giver can get wrapped up in making sure that the entire penis is getting coverage, but if there is a particular spot you want focus on, indicate by softly moaning, or lightly touching the giver to get their attention.”

Don’t: Get Demanding

With its reputation as a “lesser” sex act, handjobs might come with a little bit of emotional baggage for one (or both) partners. Lords advises you to fight back against that before a fun time ends up becoming a deeply unpleasant one.

For starters, demanding a handjob when you get turned down for penetrative sex because you feel like you deserve something is a distinctly uncool approach.

“Don’t coerce or guilt a partner into giving you a handjob,” says Lords. “Stop using it as the thing you’ll accept when a partner says they don’t want sex. It’s not consensual and it makes it even less likely your partner will ever want to give you a hand job in the future.”

As well, the receiver shouldn’t act like accepting a handjob means they deserve more later.

“Don’t act like you’re doing your partner a favor by only wanting a handjob,” she adds. “If this is a partner you actually want to stick around and you actually want them to touch your penis in the future (à la a handjob), acknowledge them, their desires, their needs, and what they’re doing for you. Showing appreciation and giving it in return will go a long way to having better sex.”

Handjob Pro-Tips

Beyond your basic dos and don’ts, what should you know to take your handjobs to the next level? Whether you’re giving or receiving, here are some solid handjob pro-tips:

Try a Stroker

Want to move past the basic hand/penis dynamic? Consider throwing some high-tech sex technology at the handjob in the form of a type of male sex toy called a “stroker,” such as a Fleshlight.

“If you (the giver) don’t think your hand is doing the trick completely, try using a stroker,” suggests Riel. “What’s sexy about this is, instead of him normally being in control of the action, you can tease and please his penis as you wish with the toy. To simulate the most realistic feeling possible, add lubricant to the stroker before use.”

Rub the Sweet Spot

While most of the action in a handjob is typically concentrated on the shaft, the giver giving a little extra attention to the head of the penis can pay dividends.

“For the giver, experiment with rubbing the pad of your thumb on the back side of his penis right underneath the head,” says Riel. “This area is sensitive for a lot of men, and when stimulated, acts similarly to the clitoris with the large amount of nerve endings in this part of the penis. Depending on your lover’s preference and sensitivity, you may even be able to finish them off with this method alone.

Switch Things Up

“Use more than the palm of your hand,”notes Lords. “Some people like the tease of nails lightly grazing their shaft. Others go wild for a quick lick or kiss.”

And if you’re feeling particularly inventive, you can ditch the ‘hand’ portion of the handjob entirely.

“Get your entire body into a hand job,” she adds. “Mouth, fingertips, breasts, you name it — if it can reach, it can be part of the handjob.”

Get Kinky (or Edgy)

One of the best ways to intensify your orgasm is a practice called edging, where you intentionally bring someone to the brink (or edge) of orgasm before pausing and waiting a bit before continuing. Repeating this a few times means the final orgasm will be much more powerful due to all the build-up.

Lords suggests combining some edging with a specifically control-based kink aspect.

“Kink up a handjob by making each touch about control — your partner might tease you and stop when you most want them to continue. They might add more intense sensations to drive you wild or force your orgasm.”

Even with a bad rap as a juvenile sex act, between all the different ways to do them and take them to the next level, handjobs can be a ton of fun for couples looking to experience something a little bit more… hands-on.

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Source: AskMen