You can find your soul’s perfect mate online if you know how.
By Kelly Ann Garnett — Last updated on Aug 05, 2023
Photo: Mikhail_Kayl / Shutterstock
Are you trying to figure out how to find the man or woman of your dreams through online dating and fall in love, so you can finally become kindred spirits? Looking for love and a soul-level connection via online dating apps can feel like a part-time job, which is why single women need some smart dating advice that will turn their luck around.
The old saying “The good ones are already taken” doesn’t really apply anymore. Instead, the expression, “There are plenty of fish in the sea” rings truer.
In fact, the number of potential matches with a dream partner online can be pretty overwhelming. Some say it’s a numbers game, like one of my clients who went on 100 dates before meeting her husband. And while there is truth to that, there are likely some deeper reasons you haven’t fallen in love with your kindred spirit yet.
Here are four ways you can meet your kindred spirit through online dating apps:
1. Get your ego in check.
If you are one of the millions of single women who are currently dating online, your number of potential matches are limitless. And while you might be thinking “the more options, the better,” it can go to your head and inflate your ego over time if you’re not careful.
For example, one guy I know was having a lot of success on Bumble. Although he had met some amazing women, he kept going on date after date with new and interesting ladies, despite wanting to find “the one”. He was addicted to all the attention. His ego loved that so many women were interested in him and it kept him wanting more, so he was always looking for that next date, rather than a quality relationship.
2. Stop absorbing negativity from others.
If the friends and family that you surround yourself with talk nothing but smack about men, it’s hard not to agree with them. There are some people who only have negative comments to make. Whether the bar is too crowded or they waitress, they pretty much complain about everything — especially when it comes to love and dating. Let’s call them “the naysayers”.
It’s wonderful to have a community of people who love us and support you. But, when that community is filled with “naysayers” and negativity, it can paralyze your love life. So, mentally block out their negativity so you can maintain a positive outlook when you’re looking for love.
3. Get clear about what you want.
Swiping right on a guy just because he’s hot doesn’t usually turn into the long-lasting relationship you’re seeking. So, before you start swiping thousands of guys on whatever online dating apps you may be using, get clear about what you want in a relationship, in a man, and in life. By reading guys’ profiles and taking cues from their photos, you can easily assess whether they’d be a match for what you’re looking for and save yourself (and him) from any unnecessary heartache.
For example, after Will had five magical dates with Susie, she told him she wasn’t ready for a relationship and Will was devastated. Had Susie been upfront and clear about what she was looking for, they could have potentially continued a relationship based on those terms. Or maybe Will would never have asked Susie on a second date if he knew she didn’t want anything serious, saving them both time and energy they could’ve spent connecting with someone who might’ve been a better match.
4. Believe in your power to find true love.
That inner voice in your head can be a ‘Debbie Downer’. She loves to tell you that you don’t deserve a great guy— that you’re not good enough for him or not worthy of having your dreams come true by meeting your kindred spirit. All of these self-bullying thoughts might be the biggest reason you’re single, despite being on online dating apps and actively trying to find the man you’ve dreamed of.
Meeting new people can be scary, especially if it’s someone you’re considering sharing your life with. But if you buy into the self-doubts that your inner voice is telling you, you’ll exude energy that’s filled with negativity and fear. And that’s a total turn-off for guys. Both men and women find confidence attractive and in order to be confident about dating, you have to actually believe — and know — that you are worthy and deserving of love.
That’s why the more self-aware you become about who you are, what you’re looking for, and how you’re showing up in the world, the more empowered you can be in dating. There are plenty of fabulous fish in the sea. If you do these four things, you can get out there, meet “the one” and feel the joy of being kindred spirits at last.
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Kelly Ann Garnett is a Certified Love Attraction Coach, Certified Life Coach, spiritual psychologist, and educator who understands the deep desire and longing for a Soulmate and what it takes to stay loyal to yourself as you journey toward each other.
This article was originally published at Kelly Ann Garnett. Reprinted with permission from the author.