Can Women Forgive Cheating Men?
5 Steps Down the Path to Forgiveness From Cheating, Explained
5 Steps Down the Path to Forgiveness From Cheating, Explained
Although surveys often say that men are more likely than women to cheat on a partner, the gap isn’t astronomical.
Societal gender attitudes and sexual-hormones based behavior aside, it seems that cheating on your significant other is a relatively normal human activity practiced by a non-trivial minority of the population — somewhere between 10% and 25% — and art from centuries past confirms that it’s hardly a new concept.
So while some guys might think that women may hold radically different viewpoints when it comes to whether cheating is understandable or forgivable, that may not always be the case — it’ll likely come down to other factors than just gender, such as religious or cultural upbringing, and the state and perceived viability of the relationship.
Though there’s not a one-answer-fits-every-relationship solution, before you communicate your infidelity, you should understand the possible consequences and accept that even if you do what experts recommend, your partner could send you packing the second you confess.
1. Get Real With Yourself
Before you can tell your partner what happened, it is really essential to both your personal mental health and the state of your relationship to be candid about what led you to go astray.
Are you unhappy with your partner? Are you having consistent arguments that aren’t getting better? Are you not communicating in a way that strengthens your bond and builds intimacy? Before you can really approach her, you have to figure out if you still want to be in the relationship, and figure out what you learned from the experience (because likely, she will ask you).
“Cheating does not make you a bad person, but if you keep doing it and not learn from your mistakes then yes, you can be,” says relationship and sex expert Sienna Sinclaire. “When I cheated when I was young, I wasn’t an evil, horrible person… I was just young, immature when it came to relationships.”
“I wasn’t good at ending relationships, so I cheated so I would get caught so it would end,” she explains. “I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want to be with him because I didn’t want to hurt him. As much as that sounds silly, a lot of us do that. But we grow and learn, hopefully.”
So what caused you to cheat, exactly? Are you not getting your physical needs met? Do you miss the thrill of the chase? Did someone seduce you in a moment of weakness? Understanding the underlying reason for the infidelity will go a long way towards helping your partner deal with it.
2. Pick a Quiet Time to Talk About It
If you’ve reflected back on your infidelity and come to terms with your own struggles, and you are ready to fight for the relationship, Sinclaire says to pick a time where you can be alone.
You don’t want to make a big scene and you want to allow your partner to get as upset as she needs to be. And when you approach the conversation, coming from a state of honesty and kindness will go further than any sort of blame game.
Sinclaire also notes that while some might be tempted to keep it to themselves, a relationship can’t grow if there’s a dark secret between you.
“It is if you want to come clean and start over with being honest,” she says. “Because it will affect you more down the road than your partner, meaning if you do not speak up it will eat you up with guilt, affecting your relationship.”
“My advice would be to come clean, own up to what you did, start fresh, rebuild trust and communication between you two,” Sinclaire adds. “Then talk about what made you cheat in the first place and figure out ways to work on it.”
3. Focus on Trust
If your partner is willing to forgive you and move forward, you should know that this doesn’t mean the hard part is over and you’re in the clear.
Most likely, there will be a long period where you will need to rebuild her trust in you and her faith in the relationship. But take heart — this is not only normal, but healthy.
“Talking about it can help you to work on your relationship and getting it back on track, if possible. However, sometimes there are times you can’t work it out due to there being no trust. Trust can be very hard to rebuild once someone cheats,” Sinclaire explains.
“It really depends on how deep the issues are and how hard you are willing to work on your relationship,” she says. “But keep in mind that no matter how hard you work on it, sometimes it just does not work out.”
4. See the Signs of Forgiveness
As you continue to work on your bond for the weeks and months after you come clean, you can be on the lookout for indicators that your partner’s starting to slowly forgive you.
Though of course, everyone is different, you might notice small changes in her body language, how she communicates with you, and even your sex life.
“Indicators would be that she’s willing to either sit down and talk, go to therapy, take you back, work on building trust,” Sinclaire says. “But just because your partner is doing all that does not mean they can forgive you completely. Some couples may try all of the above, and realize down the road it is not going to work out.”
“Cheating, to many, is one of the worst things you can do to someone,” she notes. “Once it happens, it can be very hard to forgive and forget. They may stay with you but resent you. So think before you cheat, as it can have devastating effects.”
Even if it might be tough for you to sit and have patience, it might be the best thing you can do for your relationship. As you start to see a therapist and work through your issues together, you might fall in love with your partner in a way that you didn’t think possible.
For her, it will be about learning to love you and your relationship moving forward, even though you broke a promise to her in a painful way. Should she be able to do that, you might find yourselves even stronger than you were before.
5. What Can Help Her Move Forward?
As you continue to prove your commitment, there are a few things you can do to remind her just how much she means to you: words of affection, doing small acts of kindness that make her life better, remind her daily that you want to be with her and only her. She will need the reassurance to be able to put it behind her.
“You can let her know that just because you cheated, it does not mean that you do not love them dearly and that you aren’t sorry. You can explain that it was ‘just sex’ or ‘just kissing’ and continue to reiterate what they mean to you,” Sinclaire says. “There are many who cheat but truly love their partner and family. So try to sit down and find out the underlying issues as to why they cheated and again work on your relationship if you think it is worth saving.”
Over time, we all are guilty of taking our spouse for granted, and knowing that love can at times, be fleeting, might ignite you to work harder for one another’s happiness.
“Relationships take work; you can’t just get married and think you ‘have’ your partner,” Sinclaire says. “You still need to work on your relationship on a daily basis. Many couples end up taking their partner for granted. It is very common when you are in a long-term relationship to get comfortable, feel bored, etc. But that is where you need to learn to spice things up… and that is where a sex coach can help.”
“Treat your partner as if you can lose them any day, think back to when you first dated and you did things to get them to like you, etc., then you are more likely to keep things interesting,” she adds. “But remember it works both ways. Don’t be the one who only puts in the effort.”
People Who Cheated Reflect on What They RegretWhat Is Micro-Cheating? Here’s What You Should KnowThe Psychology Behind Emotional Affairs
Source: AskMen
