Sex on the first date? Second date? Third? Not before you do things.
By Laurel House — Updated on Apr 01, 2023
Photo: Vera Prokhorova / Shutterstock
Sex is a personal and private matter and not something that someone else can dictate.
In fact, no one should have power or influence over your decision as to whether or not you should have sex on the first date, fifth date, or wedding day — not your best friend, your mom, your mentor, or the person you are going to have sex with. Only you can make a decision as to when the time is right for you.
So, should you have sex with someone you’re dating if you’ve only been on one date? Is it better to wait or should you go all the way on the first date?
Here are 7 critical things to do before you decide to be intimate with someone new:
1. Make your own decision about sex
There are couples who have sex on the first date and end up in totally healthy, enduring relationships that lead to happy and fulfilling marriages, just as there are people who had sex on the first date and never spoke again. There are couples who waited until they were in a committed relationship and broke up after a few months, and there are couples who don’t have sex and don’t go beyond date eight.
Whatever you are comfortable with is what you should do. Just make sure you make that decision for yourself (and let them do the same).
2. Make sure you bond emotionally before anything happens
If you want to up your chances of being respected after having sex or remain in a relationship afterward, have emotional intimacy before physical intimacy. Ask the right questions, get emotionally raw, be authentic, and get to know each other on a deeper level. If you pre-qualified effectively first, you’ve already started building that emotionally intimate relationship.
3. Check your expectations and protect your emotions
Communicate your honest expectations before the deed is done. If you’re not in it for the same thing, someone is bound to get hurt. Make sure you are on the same page and confirm that you can handle the emotional baggage.
4. Never allow yourself to feel pressured to do anything
Only have sex if you really want to have sex. It’s your decision and no one should push you one way or the other.
5. If you decide to have sex, use a condom
You’re just getting started, so play it safe. Remember, this is the first date. If things don’t work out, this will give you one less thing to worry about.
6. Don’t make a choice you’ll regret
Once you make your decision, stick with your gut and make sure you aren’t second-guessing yourself. If you’re going to regret it, don’t do it! If you are wondering “should you have sex on the first date? and you feel like you should stop it, then just stop. But if you enjoyed yourself and were comfortable with your decision to have sex, don’t regret that either.
7. Know that sex doesn’t equal a relationship
If you know that you normally become attached after you have sex, don’t have sex on the first date. So what’s the rhyme and reason? There isn’t one. Sex doesn’t mean the same thing to every person, so don’t expect a relationship afterward without talking it through with your partner.
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Laurel House is an international celebrity dating and relationship coach, a dating coach on E!’s “Famously Single,” and a writer who has appeared in Oprah, Vogue, the Washington Post, and 500 other media outlets.