What if the secret to looking and feeling sexier doesn’t come from making changes on the outside?
By Stephanie Lazzara — Written on Apr 25, 2023
Photo: Dean Drobot / shutterstock
Maybe you know her, men are magnetically attracted to her. She’s not “perfect” or a size 4. She’s not in the prime of her youth, she has imperfect skin, but there’s something about her. She’s vibrant. What’s her secret?
It’s easy to get hypnotized by social media ads that promise the vitality and beauty that will come with “miracle” anti-aging creams and products.
You get into the next new diet, hoping you can finally shed weight and self-consciousness about your body that has plagued your self-confidence for years.
Maybe you’ve been tempted to spend your savings on injections, surgical lifts and cosmetic alterations to try to change your outward appearance. Trying to finally get it right. To feel right. To feel beautiful, alluring, and alive.
There is nothing wrong with the desire to enhance your appearance, especially if it has a positive impact on your confidence. But for many women, all of the financial and emotional investment into changing your outward appearance doesn’t get to the root of how you want to feel and project to others: feeling sexy, vibrant, and confident, from inside.
Trying to elicit change from the outside in is often a futile project that leads to a self-criticism loop and doesn’t make a dent in a deeper sense of self-acceptance.
What if the secret to more vibrancy, beauty and attractiveness is about making subtle internal shifts that affect your appearance more than cosmetic alterations?
Here are six ways to give off hot feminine vibrancy (from the inside out) that men immediately notice
1. Learn to feel comfortable in your own skin
Men notice women who are confident in their own bodies, no matter what size or shape they are. You can begin by finding a physical practice or exercise solely for the sake of feeling good. Exercise with a focus on weight loss results and changes in appearance can trigger a “never good enough” mindset.
Ditch the scale and try finding a physical practice or exercise routine that you genuinely enjoy, can commit to consistently, and helps you feel stronger and freer in your body. This simple shift can boost your mood, help you feel better, and you can begin to feel more comfortable in your own body which is attractive to others.
2. Practice a relaxed mindset
This means tuning into a state of alert awareness vs. fearful alertness that comes from worry, stress and competition. Eckhart Tolle calls this practicing “The Art of Presence.” When you practice being fully present, you are actively listening instead of thinking of the next interesting thing to say.
You’re deeply in tune with your five senses and your thoughts without judgment. When you practice being present, you also give off an energetic openness from the inside that is vibrant, alive and magnetic.
3. You’re curious and excited about life
Seek out new learning experiences and ways to keep growing. Invest in activities and interests you are passionate about and excite you no matter what anyone else thinks. This gives you a sense of inner confidence that no one can take away. Men are drawn to women who are passionate about their interests and are not afraid to show the most authentic versions of themselves.
4. You’re not afraid to be strong and also vulnerable
It’s exhausting to tough it out alone through the really hard days. What if you didn’t have to be strong all of the time? There is strength and beauty in allowing yourself to be vulnerable, for asking for help and leaning into others. This openness creates opportunities for more connection and joy that radiates out from within that men immediately notice.
It shows: “I’m available to connect.” In the words of Brené Brown: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
5. You know how to tap into your sensuality (and when to use it!)
Tuning into the five senses of your physical and body can up your feminine attractiveness factor instantly. How? You will immediately become more grounded in the present moment and out of your head. You can access your sexuality with more freedom and pleasure.
When you actively tune into your senses and are sensitive to the beauty around you, others notice this through your eyes, your touch, the way you move, and your presence is highly attractive and magnetic.
6. You’ve found or are actively seeking your ‘Ikigai’
“Ikigai” is the Japanese word for life’s purpose or “reason for living.” Not only does this give you personal drive and motivation, but this also makes you vibrant and attractive because you are on your own personal mission. Each day is infused with meaning. There is an unmistakable confidence and joy that comes along with living your purpose that is irresistible and inspiring to others.
When you find the thing that you’re good at, that lights you up from the inside and which also serves the world, you’ve found your “Ikigai,” and this is an irresistible quality that you can’t get in a bottle.
Remember, even as you age and change through the years, there is the essential part of you … your soul, your essence, which is unchangeable. You don’t have to go through a massive external transformation in order to let the world see how beautiful you already are.
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Stephanie Lazzara is an NYC-based ICF-certified holistic life, health, and relationship coach. She helps her clients build healthier habits for better relationships.