Men’s minds don’t have to remain a mystery.
By Chelli Pumphrey — Last updated on Jun 11, 2023
Photo: GaudiLab / Shutterstock
Sometimes it’s hard to believe that men and women don’t come from different planets. Truth be told, we are definitely two different species in many ways.
But the good news is, when men and women learn to understand their differences, they can become beautiful complements to each other and can thrive in a relationship.
If you want to see a man flourish and grow in a relationship, here are some crucial tips to help you understand the male psyche.
Here are five things you must know about a man’s mind before you can love him:
1. Men work to protect and provide
Guys’ brains are wired to protect their “tribe” from threats, even in our modern-day world. If you are a strong, independent woman, you may want to reject a man’s need to protect you, knowing you can handle anything on your own.
However, it is important to know that when a man protects, it never means that he thinks you’re incapable or weak. It just means that he is responding to his most basic biological instincts and that he sees you as something valuable and worth protecting.
So, my sisters, I challenge you. When your man gets a little protective and wants to keep you safe, let him. You may be surprised by how satisfyingly safe it feels to the feminine side of you when you allow this masculine energy to support you.
2. Men are focused on doing one logical thing at a time
In our more primitive human history, men and women had distinct roles. Men hunted. Women gathered. While our world has progressed, not much has changed when it comes to the wiring of the male and female brains.
Men are wired to focus on one task at a time. Think about it … the hunter doesn’t aim for the entire herd — he could miss his target. He only aims for one target at a time. A woman gathering berries in a field looks for as many berries as she can find, not just one.
Her brain has a wide-angle lens. The male brain has a single-focus lens. The key here is to remember that one is not better than the other.
Both serve an important function, which is essential to keep the “tribe” alive. Men and women are great complements to each other when our differences are fully understood.
3. Men are problem solvers
Have you ever felt frustrated when you’re trying to vent about something that happened in your day, and your man keeps trying to solve your problem? Women like to vent and process their feelings and don’t necessarily need a solution. Men like to solve the problem.
If you want to empower a man in his masculine energy, ask him to fix something for you, even if you are perfectly capable of fixing it yourself. Or, if you just need to “vent” about something that happened, let him know. Be clear that you don’t need him to fix it for you.
Understanding this difference between men and women, and developing the ability to communicate about it can go a long way in a relationship.
4. Men crave freedom and release
It is fulfilling for a man to feel emptiness, release, and freedom. He wants to connect with the world, but he also wants to feel free from the confines and stress of the world. Women, on the other hand, seek connection and fullness.
This doesn’t mean that men don’t want relationships. What it does mean is that sometimes he needs to retreat and withdraw in order to refocus his energy. When you notice a man doing this, pull back and give him the space to disconnect. If he comes back, he’s just being a healthy, normal man. It doesn’t mean he is disconnecting from you!
Remember, he needs to feel freedom, at the same time that you’re aching for connection. Two opposing needs can cause a lot of misunderstanding unless you’re able to recognize the differences. He is simply replenishing his energy. Allowing a man to have the space to withdraw and then reconnect is vital.
5. Men thrive on feminine energy
Now hear me out, strong, independent woman. This is not sexism. This is about masculine and feminine energy and the need for balance in a relationship between two people. Women have become wonderfully, amazingly self-sufficient, free, and strong since the women’s liberation movement. This is not about surrendering our independence or equality.
Men thrive in their masculine energy, where they can protect, provide, fix, and save. If we don’t allow them to rise because we are building our walls tall and strong, they feel emasculated and powerless, and we don’t feel safe to express our true feminine energy. Let them be men, and your strength as a woman will flourish.
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Chelli Pumphrey is a love strategist and a therapist with 20+ years of experience.
This article was originally published at Meet Mindful. Reprinted with permission from the author.