Here’s how to please her in the bedroom.
By The Good Men Project — Updated on May 23, 2023
Photo: Volodymyr TVERDOKHLIB/ Shutterstock
By Anya Hollis
Every man wants to believe that he’s a great lover. He wants to be the best lover his partner ever had — he never wants to think that somebody was better than him at pleasing his woman. This attitude is pleasant to have when a man is doing everything to please his partner. It can’t come from a man whose sole focus during intimacy is to satisfy himself.
The best lovers are those who feel that sex is all about the woman.
The best words I ever heard were, “I am pleased by pleasing you.” Sometimes men can be selfish creatures who only do things for reciprocation. In dealing with female clients, I hear all the time that men only do things because they want something in return.
When a man is given the opportunity to be someone’s lover, he should take pride in the role and work diligently to get the task accomplished. Women need to know that you’re working towards pleasing them and you’re not just trying to satisfy yourself. Women will know the difference between being into her or being there solely for themselves.
Here are 5 rules guys must follow to totally wow her in bed:
1. Ask her what she likes
Don’t be afraid to ask her exactly what she wants. No woman is going to jump out of bed and assume that you don’t know what you’re doing because you ask her what she likes and how she likes it. You’ll probably gain more respect from her because you took the time to ask her what she enjoyed.
It shows that you care about pleasing her and will make her more willing to participate — people tend to know what pleases them and usually don’t have a problem sharing with their lovers what it takes to satisfy them. Being a great lover is about communication.
2. Foreplay starts verbally and escalates
The seduction begins with simple compliments. Every woman wants to know that you noticed the extra time and effort she put into getting pretty for you are appreciated. Tell her how beautiful she looks, how good she smells, how flawless her makeup is, and how well her dress accentuates her curves. Make her feel appreciated for all the time she spent making herself beautiful for you.
Giving her compliments and paying attention to her helps ease the tension and makes her more comfortable.
3. Stop being selfish
Women are naturally inclined to want to please their lovers — that’s why there are fellatio classes, lingerie, edible underwear, and the list goes on of tools women have to please men. On the contrary, what do the men have — besides porn movies that focus heavily on male satisfaction and give incorrect information about female gratification.
Men have to begin to adapt to the same mental process as women when it comes to intimacy — they need to enter the act with the idea of doing whatever it takes to make sure their partners are pleased. Once her pleasure is the primary focus, the whole outcome of the intimacy will be more rewarding because you are focused on pleasing her and vice versa.
4. Pay attention to more than her vagina and breasts
Engaging in intercourse has to be more than oral sex and penetration. On the contrary — when speaking to female clients — I always hear that men only touch two parts of their bodies during sex. Lack of attention to her body is totally unacceptable if your goal is to be her best lover.
An expert pleaser pays attention to the entire body and knows there are so many erogenous zones on a woman’s body — if one stops and takes the time to actually explore and find all of the pleasure zones of his woman. Her back needs to be kissed, and her navel and stomach need to be caressed, use the tops of your fingernails to rub over her arms and thighs gently, kiss her thighs, legs, and feet — her body is there to be pleased. And it’s your duty as her selected lover to please.
5. Get a book on female anatomy
Many men will never purchase a book or how-to guide when it comes to satisfying a woman because they all think they have what it takes. Arrogance has to be the biggest error on the part of men. Books contain information and sometimes knowledge of individual subjects you never knew existed. A book can take your love-making game to new heights.
Every man is not a sex expert. But, he can benefit from the knowledge of an expert if he just takes the time to study and learn new tricks for pleasing his woman.
Women enjoy sex just as much as men. They want to be pleased and want their men to genuinely take an interest in pleasing them.
Sex should never be one-sided where one partner is the receiver and one is the giver. It should be a shared pleasurable experience for both — where both partners should want and work hard to please the other. Mutual satisfaction should always be the goal when engaging in intimacy.
The more one learns from their partner, the more pride they’ll take in satisfying them. And, it becomes fun when you learn what they need — pleasing them becomes easier and more rewarding for you.
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Anya Hollis is a freelance writer who writes about sex and relationships to help others improve theirs.