Just because someone is insecure doesn’t mean they can’t give you all the love you need.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Last updated on Jul 25, 2023
Photo: adriaticfoto/ Shutterstock
I’m an insecure person. I know I am.
That doesn’t mean I sit in my insecurity, not making any changes.
I work on my self-esteem, I work on my confidence. I work on loving myself, or on at least learning to understand that loving myself isn’t going to be an easy or even permanent thing.
Just because I am insecure doesn’t mean I can’t be in a healthy romantic relationship.
In fact, I think dating an insecure person has a wealth of benefits that are often overlooked in favor of examining the flaws of the insecure folks among us.
To prove that, I’ve come up with reasons why dating an insecure person is actually pretty great.
Here are 5 reasons why insecure people are the best people to date:
1. They’re making themselves vulnerable
In order for a relationship to really succeed, you need to make yourself vulnerable to your partner.
I’m not saying dunk your head in gasoline and give your boyfriend a match, but understand that in order for you both to have real confidence in the growth of your relationship over time, you have to make yourself vulnerable.
That means accepting that you are letting another person know you and accepting that this gives them the power to hurt you by rejection or some other means.
Insecure people (like you and me) live their lives trying NOT to be vulnerable.
While other romantic partners will struggle to open up, dating an insecure person means good luck getting them to STOP opening up.
2. They admit they have flaws
Being an insecure person means you aren’t born with a natural understanding of your flaws and strengths.
You don’t exactly have an innate surfeit of confidence.
An insecure person’s struggle in a relationship isn’t going to be the important task of admitting their flaws, it’s going to be accepting that not EVERYTHING can be their fault.
The flip side is you never have to worry about helping them see the areas of their lives that need improving — hell, that’s their natural safe space and requires much less emotional heavy lifting.
3. They always look deeper
An insecure person might need you to help them build them up.
They might take on too much responsibility when things go wrong.
But they are the first person in a relationship to have no problem looking at things that are serious or difficult.
An insecure person spends a lot of time thinking about how actions can influence relationships (sometimes to the detriment). But it’s a seriously great trait to have when you need to do the serious work that a long-term relationship can require.
4. They don’t take love for granted
An insecure person has to work very hard every single day to believe that they are a person who is worthy of love.
That’s something a secure person might not even think about twice.
But when love is something that is hard for you to give yourself, you learn never to take it for granted.
It’s one of the most rewarding things about dating an insecure person.
5. They are ready to learn
When a person is insecure they learn pretty quickly that they are different than other people.
To that end, insecure people spend most of their lives trying to learn new ways of operating, ways that are more akin to how “others” do it.
In order to make a relationship successful, you have to be willing to learn and grow together.
Education is self-care for the insecure. When it comes to the learning necessary in relationships, they have skill and practice.
Loving or dating an insecure person can absolutely have its challenges, but insecurity is just one trait, and like so many others, it does not have to define all of who that person is on the inside.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.