What Women Want After Sex

It’s Not Only About Pleasing Her During Sex — What You Do After Is Just as Important

Having satisfying sex with women is like having a three-course meal.

Foreplay is the appetizer, sex is the main course, and the aftercare is — you guessed it — dessert.

The golden rule of ordering dessert at a restaurant absolutely applies to sex. If one of you wants dessert — even if the other person insists they’re OK without it — you still get it and share.

In other words, if all your needs are met and there’s nothing you want after sex other than to pass out and fall asleep, make sure you’re not leaving your partner hanging.

What exactly do women want after sex? It varies, of course — different strokes for different folks, and what one woman wants from one guy may be different when she sleeps with someone else. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t common preferences when it comes to post-coital behavior.

To help give you an idea of what they want, we asked a few women who sleep with men to share what they want most from their partners after sex ends to help guide you in the right direction. Here are the top things women want most post-sex:

Many Women Want to Cuddle

Forget every stupid negative thing you’ve been conditioned to believe about cuddling. Cuddling is manly. Cuddling builds intimacy with your partner, lowers stress, can boost your immune system, and the list goes on.

Cuddling is good for you; it’s science. Cuddling is also the most low-energy activity you could engage in post-sex (save for sleeping). Even if you’re super tired, throwing an arm over your partner takes virtually no work — save for remembering to do it.

“It’s weird to have this super vulnerable experience with someone and then just…roll over and go your separate ways while you’re still naked,” says Claire, 23. “Also, if you don’t want to cuddle afterward, it makes me feel like maybe you didn’t think the sex was that great.”

Many Women Want to Talk

This one is a tougher sell than cuddling, but hear me out. Think of post-sex conversation as a way to ground the physical bond you just built with some validation and reassurance.

If your partner was great in bed, tell her. If it’s too early to discuss going to bed for the night, talk about what you want to do for the rest of the day or night. If you plan to see her again, start talking about plans.

Post-sex conversation doesn’t have to be deep to be meaningful. Anything that reinforces your interest in continuing to spend quality time with your partner counts — and will go a long way.

“Dead silence after sex never feels like a good sign to me,” says Jada, 27. “Even if it’s just a casual hook-up, it’s like, alright, is this something you want to do again? Is it cool if I hang around? Do you want me to stay over? Post-sex conversation takes the guesswork out of all this.”

Many Women Want You to Stay Awake

For a variety of reasons, men seem to be more likely to fall asleep after sex. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, giving in to that urge can leave your partner feeling lonely, bored or even slightly rejected.

So, if you absolutely can’t stay conscious, work it into the conversation you’re having before passing out. Was the sex so good that you’re totally exhausted? Tell her that. Do you think you could rally for a second round if you got a quick nap in? Say that out loud.

“I agree that falling asleep isn’t the worst thing you could do after sex — unless you live with roommates,” says Kai, 29. “It’s pretty weird to be sneaking out to the bathroom in a house full of strangers, so if you absolutely have to get a post-sex nap, at least offer to escort her to the bathroom first.”

Many Women Want to Be Taken Care Of

Does she need a glass of water? A shower? To use the bathroom before you? A post-sex snack?

Knowing what someone needs after sex is probably the sexiest form of aftercare there is. Bonus points if you get up and get what you know she’ll want before she asks. (Of course, the way to find this out is to ask. But once you do, you’ll be a step ahead of the game.)

Plus, getting up to grab a glass of water from the kitchen can go a long way towards helping you feel more awake and alert — cutting down on the likelihood of you passing out right away, and increasing the likelihood of further sexy times.

Some Women Want to Watch TV

She doesn’t want to talk — but she doesn’t want to sit in complete silence, either? There’s a solution for that: background TV. Having a show you can throw on after completing a good cuddle, using the bathroom, and rehydrating can be the final step to a satisfying aftercare routine.

“Zoning out to a show we’ve already seen is my favorite thing to do with my fiancé after sex,” says Rosa, 32. “It’s low-effort, but also fun to catch new things we didn’t notice the first time around.”

Some Women Want to Be Left Alone

While this one contradicts others on this list, it’s also an important and valid possibility. Everyone has different needs, which is why it’s important to find out what your partner wants after sex instead of just reading about it on the internet.

Sometimes, sex can be so overstimulating that people need a few minutes of alone time to catch their breath, recover, and stretch out in the sheets before getting close to you again.

Some Women Want to Part Ways

Again, this one doesn’t apply to every woman. But for more casual situations, some women may want to go home — or for you to go home, if you’re at her place.

If you’re not super close yet, spending more time together after sex can feel potentially daunting or mentally taxing, the way it can feel when you’ve socialized for longer than you’re used to. She might just want to get back to being alone in her own bed in order to unwind. Try not to take it personally!

And if it’s her going back home? Do offer to order her a rideshare, like a gentleman.

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Source: AskMen