Outer beauty is only one factor, and not the most important!
By Marina Margulis — Updated on May 21, 2023
Photo: Oscar M Sanchez / Shutterstock
I love The Bachelor. I believe the show has no cinematographic, artistic, or intellectual value … none. However, not unlike Nova or National Geographic, The Bachelor is an educational documentary. It is a weekly two-hour special on “how not to date or behave.”
Do you have no money or time to spend on a dating coach? All you have to do is spend two hours every week watching twelve stunningly beautiful women claw each other’s eyes out over a guy they don’t know. The only attraction is the fact that they saw him in a previous season’s installment of The Bachelorette. TV appearance equals celebrity status. Celebrity status equals fame and possible career advancement. Bingo.
Fortunately for these girls, most of the bachelors I’ve watched over the years had — how do I put it politely? — less than adequate IQ scores. This season’s object of admiration takes the cake.
As I struggled to sit through six episodes, I’ve yet to hear him formulate a sentence with more than four words containing no “like ” and “you know.”
That brings me right back to the women. They are, if nothing else, an absolute site to behold; one better looking than the next. All have firm bodies, perfectly coiffed hair, and immaculate makeup. They are quite the site to behold … until they open their mouths.
In the real world, outer beauty isn’t the only thing that matters
Here are a few notes on what not to say or do on dates:
Drinking yourself into a stupor and behaving like drunken sailors on a 24-hour leave? Check.Divulging way too much personal information before the guy even figures out if he likes you or not? Check.Throwing each other under the bus? Check.Throwing tantrums and blaming the guy for doing the only thing expected of him to do — pay attention to all the girls? Check.
This list just barely scrapes the surface. I could go on for pages. All you need to do is watch an episode of The Bachelor, any episode, to see what I mean.
New Mexico is … not a different country
My new all-time favorite became Megan, a 24-year-old makeup artist from Nashville. Megan was excited when she found out the show was going to Santa Fe, New Mexico. She said, “I’ve never been to New Mexico, but I hear it’s beautiful, like a beach-resort place. You know, they have sombreros … I’ve never been out of the country.”
Lucky for Megan, her soulmate-to-be probably packed a sombrero or two himself.
But, unfortunately for you, finding love is very different in the real world.
Accentuate the unique in you
In the real world, your good looks will absolutely get you a date. They’ll probably get you a whole bunch of dates with handsome and successful men. But if you’re looking for a serious relationship, packing a string bikini on a trip to Santa Fe is probably not a good enough strategy.
In the real world, there is an abundance of beautiful girls just like you, no matter how stunning you think you are.
Do men want to date young, beautiful girls? Absolutely. But, good-looking girls are a dime a dozen.
What makes you different? What makes you special?
When it comes to a long-term relationship, in addition to beauty, men look for substance.
To clarify: You don’t need to recite the principle behind the Second Law of Thermodynamics. You don’t need to memorize the characters of Tolstoy’s War and Peace.
However, you do need to be aware of the world around you. You do need to converse on a deeper level than what Kim Kardashian wore to the red carpet or what her favorite restaurant is.
So what’s a girl to do if she wants to attract, but more importantly keep, a handsome, successful guy?
Here are three activities I recommend to make yourself intriguing:
1. Make it a habit to start your day with the news
FYI, TMZ is not the news. Read The New York Times or watch CNN or BBC for thirty minutes. Skim through the headlines. You don’t necessarily need to know what happened at the World Economic Forum at Davos, but at least beware of what it is.
2. If you are lacking in the arts, music, or literature, take a class
There are plenty of evening and weekend courses you can take at the local community college, or even a JCC or YMCA. I recommend something general like art history or world literature to start. These courses will introduce you to many different eras and styles and will allow you to choose and study any one of them in-depth if you wish.
3. Get a hobby
There must be something you’re passionate about. Whether it’s yoga or painting, doing something you like will not only add to your subjects of discussion but allows you to share your interest and shows that you believe there is more to life than shopping and clubbing.
The truth is unless your life’s goal is to be on The Bachelor — in that case, stop reading this immediately … as a matter of fact, don’t ever read another thing — you need to demonstrate that there is more to you than just your good looks.
In the words of Judge Judy Sheindlin, “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”
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Marina Margulis is a writer and matchmaker who believes dating should be easy and natural.