Str8Curious: What Are Gay Sex Parties Like?

It’s True That Lots of Gay Guys Enjoy Sex Parties. So What Are They Really Like?

Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at [email protected]).

The Question

“I am fascinated by the idea of a gay sex party. What exactly happens? How does someone initiate? Does everyone bang each other? Tell me everything, please.” – Hank, Birmingham, AL

The Answer

I want to preface this week’s column by addressing the fact that I am probably the worst person to answer this question. The idea of attending a gay sex party was so repulsive in my early years as a prudish gay man that I was practically crying holy water at the sheer thought of it.

That said, I have quite a few friends who partake and partake often, almost as if they’re carriers of a highly-coveted, annual Disney Pass, except one that gets you into a lube-fueled dungeon and not a boring ride with creepy animatronics. (It’s a sinful world, after all?)

From what I’m told, sex parties can be whatever you make of them. While there are events tailored to specific types of gays (see our gay glossary) or interests (i.e. jacking off only) or even rules (i.e. you must be naked the entire time), you are under no obligation to stay if things are uncomfortable.

It’s all about finding the right crowd and vibe, which ranges from porn-style bukkakes and bicurious circle jerks to leather daddies in slings and club-inspired raves. These details should (and often will) be disclosed in advance so that you don’t stumble into a room that gives you the heebie-jeebies.

Should you choose to attend *any* type of sex party, there are a few things to keep in mind:

Drugs will run rampant. The reality is that many sex parties are tied to hardcore drug use. This includes molly, ketamine, crystal meth, you name it. While you can, of course, seek out a scene where drugs are banned, that doesn’t stop participants from showing up in an altered state, so be mindful of that with regards to your personal comfort levels.

Play safe. A lot of sexual partners means a lot more chances of being exposed to STIs and even HIV. When in doubt, always use protection — this type of activity will increase your risk of contracting anything from herpes and syphilis to gonorrhea and warts. (And no, popping PrEP is not a roadblock or a cure.)

No means no. I’m serious about this one. Attending a sex party is not an open invitation for others to stick things in your orifices without consent. Just because everyone is there with the same intention, doesn’t mean everyone wants to have sex with you (and vice versa). Should someone make an unwanted advance, it is A-OK to decline. And if you want to make an advance, make sure you ask for permission. It doesn’t have to be a Mary Poppins, etiquette-forward approach. A simple “can I suck your dick?” completely works and doesn’t kill the mood.

While gay sex parties can be fun and liberating, they’re certainly not for everyone. Don’t feel pressure to take part if group shenanigans aren’t your thing (your hand always makes a wonderful alternative).

But if you’re feeling a bit adventurous and enjoy the idea of voyeurism, have at it. You only live life once, they say: “Live, Laugh, Bang a Dude in Front of Strangers” (I think I saw this sign at Home Goods…).

Never Have I Ever: Attended an Exclusive Private Sex ClubStr8Curious: What Is Cruising & How Does It Work?Never Have I Ever: Gone Swinging

Source: AskMen