Master the Art of Foreplay With These Helpful Teasing Tricks
Master the Art of Foreplay With These Helpful Teasing Tricks
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There’s foreplay, and then there’s the foreplay before the foreplay.
And while the moves and tactics you can use to get your partner warmed up and ready for the main event can run the gamut, there’s nothing quite as hot as the art of teasing — especially when it’s done right.
Giving pleasure in small amounts and then withdrawing before things go too far is an art form — one that’s worthwhile to spend some time mastering if you’re looking to keep your sex life fun and exciting.
The more time you can spend getting your partner in the mood, the better, longer and more intense your lovemaking session is bound to be — and that goes for both of you. This can be extra important for straight guys.
Understanding the nuances that come with effective foreplay for people with vaginas is essential for teasing her sexually. In fact, the right type of foreplay can even be more pleasurable for her than penetration.
Of course, the skills and self-restraint required for sexual teasing without going too far can be tough to cultivate. Not to mention, if you’re used to going in for it immediately, you might not know how or where to start.
Never fear: we’ve asked the experts (and a few women who date men) to share the best ways to tease people with vaginas sexually.
Here are a few surefire ways to get your partner hot for you.
Understanding the Female Arousal Timeline
If you’re invested in mastering the art of teasing your partner, it’s important to understand their arousal process and timeline — especially, if your partner is a cis woman, hers will differ greatly from the way cis men experience getting turned on.
“Arousal is different for everyone, but typically it can take up to 20 minutes for someone with a vulva to become fully aroused,” explains Javay Frye-Nekrasova, resident sex educator at Lovehoney.
This can seem like an incredibly long window of time — especially considering that for someone with a penis, erections can happen in under a minute.
However, anatomically speaking, a lot needs to happen during those 20 minutes. The vaginal canal elongates, the clitoris becomes engorged with blood, and the vagina starts secreting fluids — all of which make sexual acts feel more pleasurable for the vagina’s owner, whether that’s a cis woman, a trans man or a non-binary person.
In addition to anatomical differences, Dr. Jenni Skyler, LMFT, certified sex therapist for AdamEve.com, explains that hormones also impact arousal timelines.
“Testosterone is the hormone that reminds us we are horny,” she says. “Without it, we need more foreplay to build up arousal.”
Essentially, since cis women produce less testosterone than cis men, getting turned on takes more time.
“The foreplay process basically tells our brain, ‘Yes — I’m glad I’m here!’ Women are responding to the stimuli in foreplay to get going for more action,” Skyler explains.
Understanding your partner’s body and how it works is a huge step in the right direction for effective, pleasurable foreplay. But because these timelines are so different, it’s entirely possible that your partner is more focused on how long it’s taking her to feel aroused — and maybe even feeling guilty about it.
“I have such a hard time feeling comfortable during foreplay that I’ve cut it short even when it felt good. My advice to men who want to nail foreplay is to make sure your partner knows you’re enthusiastic about getting her turned on. It makes all the difference!” – Lana, 26
In fact, so-called foreplay is so important, it’s often the real main course. That’s because for some people with vaginas, foreplay, especially in the form of clitoral stimulation, can be more sexually satisfying than penetrative sex.
While that may sound surprising if it’s the first time you’re hearing it, it makes sense, given the way female anatomy is set up. The clitoris is analogous to the penis — it’s a hotbed of nerve endings, most located outside the vulva.
“Since 75% of women don’t have an orgasm with penetration alone, the foreplay is a key component for both arousal and potentially orgasm,” Skyler explains.
As Frye-Nekrasova notes, foreplay and teasing can be more pleasurable than penetration because it opens the door for more attention to other types of stimulation that focus on erogenous zones and clitoral stimulation.
“There are so many ways to stimulate the body and engage in sex aside from penetration, and the dedicated act of foreplay allows for those acts to take center stage,” she says.
In other words, foreplay may be where your partner’s orgasm happens. And that’s perfectly OK.
How to Tease Her Sexually
Do Start Outside the Bedroom
Arousal isn’t strictly a physical act.
“Our sex drive starts in the brain, and the most powerful teasing happens long before you reach the bedroom,” explains Daniel Sher, a clinical psychologist and sex therapy expert at the Between Us Clinic.
“Psychological foreplay is a real and important phenomenon: the right cologne, a candle-lit dinner, a knowing glance and a little bit of talking dirty can leave your partner intensely aroused before you’ve even started undressing.”
“Never underestimate the power of a whispered dirty one-liner in a public place. One night, I was with my boyfriend at a company event. Honestly, it was already hot to me watching him talk business and schmooze with the higher-ups — it’s not a side of him I get to see regularly. But having him finish his very professional conversation, then come over to me and whisper, ‘I can’t wait to get you home,’ made me want to jump on him right then and there.” – Shawna, 24
Don’t Make a Beeline for the Privates
Teasing, by definition, is all about creating suspense by not giving it all away.
“We can do this in physical and non-physical ways,” says Sher. “Physically, rule No. 1 of teasing is not to go straight for the sex organs. Rather, focus on the rest of her body. Take your time. Stroke, caress, kiss, lick and explore. Don’t be afraid to get creative by paying attention to the arch of her foot, the back of her knees, her ears and hair, or the underside of her wrists.”
Do Use Breath to Your Advantage
Less is more where teasing is concerned. As sexologist Jess O’Reilly explains, something as simple as breathing can have a big impact.
“Your breath is one of your most powerful sexual tools, and you can use it in so many ways as you play with temperature, speed, rhythm, movement and more,” she says. “Gently kiss their neck and then breathe warm air over the same area with a wide open mouth and slow, gentle breath. Pull back from kissing and sensually run your tongue on the inside of their upper lip while you exhale only ever-so-slightly.”
“My boyfriend does this thing to my ear that’s half breathing, half grazing my earlobe with his lips that’s discreet enough for him to do when we’re in public — and which instantly gets me wet. He knows what it does to me and loves to watch my reaction after I pull away, making the whole thing feel much more intense.” – Bianca, 26
Don’t Violate Their Consent
When it comes to teasing, what you don’t do is just as important as (if not more important than) any move or technique. The end goal should be to get your partner aroused and ready.
Playfully asking if they want more or giving them direction can be part of that — but you don’t want to come off as demanding or pressuring. Consent is key even when you’re teasing, so be sure to ask if things feel good throughout, especially when experimenting with something new.
Do Keep Them Guessing
As it turns out, not knowing what your next move is going to be can make the experience more pleasurable for your partner.
“Research shows that dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with motivation, pleasure and reward, is higher when you’re anticipating a reward than when you actually receive it,” says O’Reilly. “And when the reward is unpredictable, dopamine levels double.”
The takeaway? Giving your partner exactly what they want may be less pleasurable than teasing.
“Building anticipation is key to pleasure, so tease her throughout the day and change it up often so that your approach is unpredictable,” O’Reilly says.
“I had an ex who was a master at the bait-and-switch, making me think the teasing was over only to change his course at the last second. Even when I would beg him to just put it in me already, he’d keep it going for just a few more minutes for good measure.” – Michaela, 28
Sexual Teasing Products to Try
Product images from retailer sites.
Red Roses Blindfold
Build anticipation for your partner by tying this soft, sensual blindfold around their eyes. Taking away one sense can heighten the others, so take your time grazing your partner’s neck and breathing softly into their ears as you tie it up tight.
$11.95 at AdamEve.com
Earthly Body Edible Massage Candle
Engage your sense of touch, smell and taste during foreplay with this 3-in-1 candle. Set the mood with a romantic glow, use the edible massage oil to touch and caress your partner, and get your mouth involved when ready.
$18.95 at AdamEve.com
We-Vibe Moxie Remote-Controlled Panty Vibrator
Start your foreplay before you even get back to your place with this app-controlled panty vibrator. Have your partner wear these out on date night, teasing them every now and then to build anticipation right from your phone.
$129.00 at LoveHoney.com
Scarlet Couture Bed Bondage System
Use this best-selling bondage set to keep your partner’s hands, feet or both in place while you tease. The nylon straps are comfortable yet sturdy, and the easy-to-use Velcro is beginner-friendly.
$49.95 at AdamEve.com
Womanizer Premium 2 Clitoral Suction Stimulator
Stimulate your partner’s clitoris while leaving your mouth free to explore other areas with the Womanizer Premium 2. This state-of-the-art clitoral suction toy uses “pleasure air technology” to simulate oral sex.
$199.00 at LoveHoney.com
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