Playing games will get you nowhere.
By Dina Colada — Written on Jul 24, 2023
Photo: SeventyFour / Shutterstock
We all know that communication in relationships is important for couples. If you don’t know how to communicate effectively, don’t expect your blossoming relationship to last.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place,” said George Bernard Shaw.
That’s the truth, especially when you put on your pretty smile, a red halter dress, and hope for the best on your first date with Mr. Sweet Black Mercedes Convertible. You think everything is going well, and then you never hear from him again, or the next guy, or the next guy.
What’s going on here? Instead of placing the blame on the guys, consider that maybe the problem is how you communicate. Perhaps what you say doesn’t always match how you feel.
There are a lot of reasons a man might not call, but a big one that will have any good guy running in the opposite direction is a woman who’s not a good communicator. Having good communication means being authentic at all costs, even if it means losing a chance with him. He will know when you aren’t being real, and no good man wants to be with a faker.
Here are three tips for women on how to communicate with men who cannot communicate.
1. Actively pay attention to him.
What does this look like? Sometimes it looks like you use your ears more than your mouth. But your ears aren’t just to show off your big silver hoops. When you’re in a conversation, sometimes less is more. If there’s silence over cocktails, you don’t have to always fill up the space with a monologue.
Look in his eyes and connect with him. When it comes to shiny earrings and listening, bigger is always better. Learn to attract a man the right way by luring him in with your love.
2. Watch your body language.
How you hold yourself in conversations says a lot about your values and personality. Cross your legs or ankles, at least until you get to know each other. If you sit like a man, well… you will look like one wearing a dress and blue mascara.
Men, especially alpha males, like to take up a lot of space. Do you want to compete with a guy? I don’t think so unless you want to lose him faster than the speed of light. If you overdramatize your movements in a manly way, you’ll become a competitor. Don’t do it. If you look like a lady, you will lure in the right kind of man by having good communication with your body language.
3. Be direct when answering questions.
Communication in relationships is one of the biggest elements to building the kind of connections you really want, and one of the biggest dangers to a healthy relationship is game-playing. You can have fun when you’re getting to know a new man, but you don’t want to confuse him.
When he throws you the verbal communication ball, make sure to throw it back. If he asks you a question, answer honestly, and don’t be vague. Men don’t want to have to read between the lines to figure out what you really mean.
For example, if he asks if you like ice cream, but you’re lactose-intolerant and just looking at it makes you sick, you don’t have to give him all the gory details of what happened to your tummy the last time. Simply tell him, “It’s really not my favorite, but I do love sorbet!”
It doesn’t matter how good your berry bomb lips look when speaking; what really matters is how to communicate effectively, and communication isn’t just your words. It’s the key to getting to know yourself, letting others see the real you, and getting the man of your dreams.
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Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who has appeared on sites like Prevention, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk. She specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating.