Almost All Guys Are Into At Least One Of These 9 Bedroom Taboos — Are You?
Almost All Guys Are Into At Least One Of These 9 Bedroom Taboos — Are You?
Have you ever felt excited by something that feels a little bit, well, wrong?
That doesn’t make you weird, actually. As it happens, lots of people’s sexual fetishes lean towards the kinky side. Sex is often considered sinful, dirty or inappropriate, and sometimes that leads to a mixing and blurring effect, where things that are taboo then become erotic.
In order to better understand taboo sex, AskMen spoke to some sex experts about different types of sexual taboos, exploring both why they’re considered “naughty” and why they’re considered hot. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Anal Sex
Although anal sex has become increasingly normalized in recent years, according to the sex writer Mish Barber Way in a previous version of this article, “it is still considered taboo among many for obvious reasons.”
“Plenty of people see the buttock area as a zone that is meant for the expulsion of waste only,” she wrote. “Things come out of there; they shouldn’t go in.”
“And of course, many homophobes also disapprove of the idea of anal sex because they view it solely as a ‘homosexual’ thing to do,” Way noted. “But as many women have informed me, they’re dead wrong.”
“But on the other side of the spectrum, there are those who are into trying anything once and have discovered that anal sex is a great source of pleasure,” she continued. “After all, that’s where a man’s G-spot can be found.”
2. Threesomes and Group Sex
“In a mono-normative world in which monogamy is considered the default (and desired) relationship arrangement, it follows that any sex outside of this model is considered taboo,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast.
“In terms of what makes a threesome hot, there are so many possibilities,” she says.
She mentions things like “physical overwhelm (perhaps you want to feel the sensation of having you body touched by twenty fingers, two tongues, two sets of lips, etc. all at once), feeling intensely desired (perhaps you want all the attention and adoration directed your way by two lovers who are eager to please you), the sense of power (being able to attract two partners can feel powerful and validating regardless of gender), breaking the rules (the sense of risk associated with group sex can be hot in and of itself; some people are turned on by the mere act of breaking social conventions, and being of service (perhaps you want to bring pleasure to two partners at once and relish in the excitement of being a giver).”
“Uncovering what excites you about a threesome can be helpful when communicating your desire to a partner,” O’Reilly adds. “If you can talk about what specifically appeals to you about a fantasy/sex act, it can help your partner to understand your motivation instead of worrying about or being threatened by your fantasies.”
“Sharing what appeals to you about a threesome fantasy can also help you to play with elements of the fantasy without fulfilling the fantasy in real life,” she notes. “For example, if you find a threesome appealing because you think it would be hot to be physically overwhelmed with hands, tongues, lips and bodies all over you, you can play with parts of that fantasy on your own or with a partner — even if a threesome isn’t realistic or accessible at this time.”
Sexually, men are expected to be dominant — but some men prefer to watch other men do the dominating rather than doing it themselves.
Watching the act instead of participating can be relieving — if you feel incapable of living up to the masculine ideal of a muscular, porn-star-like lover, it can be a way of escaping the tension you feel in that role. That’s some of what’s at play when it comes to cuckolding, a term that’s gotten some increased interest in recent years in the form of the shortened term “cuck.”
“Historically, the term cuckold refers to a man whose wife has committed adultery,” wrote Way. “He was pissed for being made a fool and there was no fetish element to the act. But today, cuckold fetishists get off on being submissive, victimized by a woman’s infidelity and often times, thrive off the voyeuristic elements of adultery by discussing her sexual exploits or even watching the act himself.”
4. BDSM Sex
Sex is often thought of as a tender moment between two lovers, all about pleasure and caresses. BDSM sex flips this idea on its head — and then flogs it.
“Despite becoming more mainstream in recent years, BDSM — which encompasses a range of sex acts including bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism — is still considered taboo by many,” says Stephen Quaderer, CEO of ThotExperiment and creator of Headero, “BDSM purposefully transgresses some deeply entrenched societal norms, turning our normalized conceptions of power, humiliation, pain and pleasure on their head.”
“This transgression,” he notes, “when coupled with an erotic or sexual dynamic, can be incredibly exciting. To voluntarily give power to another, or to accept pain or punishment (all within the bounds of consent and practiced safely, of course!) can take your sexual pleasure to all new heights. Within a BDSM scene we can create our own rules and cast society’s (at best, deeply imperfect) norms aside. And that’s pretty damn hot.”
5. Period Sex
In the Bible, the book of Leviticus literally cautions on multiple occasions against having sex during a woman’s menstrual period. Is it any wonder it’s still a little taboo?
However, as Way wrote, “There should be nothing taboo about period sex.”
“If the walls of your mother’s uterus did not shed once a month, then you would not be here right now,” she explained. “If you like pussy, then you should not have a problem with what it does. Whether or not you get a little blood on your penis is her decision and not yours. You do not get to tell her her body is sexually unattractive for doing exactly what evolution intended — menstruating.”
In any case, she noted, “Some women enjoy making love during this time and feel like their sexual excitement is heightened; perhaps because society dictates that they shouldn’t be making love during this time.”
“Pegging is when a woman straps on a dildo and penetrates her male partner in his anus,” Way wrote.
While the idea of a man getting penetrated anally may strike some people as gay, the term (which was coined by Dan Savage) typically refers to women penetrating their male partners in hetero couplings.
“You would be surprised at how many straight men peg,” wrote Way. “In fact, I would bet that there are even more who have practiced pegging, but are still too insecure to admit it.”
One appealing aspect of pegging, she explained, “is to mimic the other’s experience. Women want to know what it’s like to penetrate, while men are curious to know what it’s like to take it. (Although this sentiment is interesting, rigid definitions of sex no longer define gender identity.)”
Either way, Way noted, “Before you peg, remember the following rules: use a quality, water-based lube, a leather harness (plastic is not as flexible or breathable), and let the one being penetrated choose the dildo in question. These are the socially understood rules of pegging. You get to choose the dick size. Lubrication is required. (Think about that next time you have the desire to sodomize your girlfriend.)”
Much of sex involves wetness and genitals, so while watersports — aka urolagnia or piss play — may not be super common, it’s also not much of a leap from less-taboo acts.
“Playing with pee can be highly arousing, and marrying pleasure with an act that is often associated with being dirty makes it highly taboo,” O’Reilly explains.
“People are excited by pee play for many reasons,” she says. “You might love the sensation of losing control and allowing your body to release fluids without inhibition; this can be particularly hot and subversive, as Western cultures require an intense degree of controlling our bodies on a regular basis; slurping, chewing loudly, burping, spitting, passing gas, etc. are all relegated to private spaces and often frowned upon or shrouded in shame even in private. Playing with pee is a way to subvert these norms and when you combine it with sexual pleasure, it can be freeing and exciting.”
Or, she notes, “You might enjoy the sensations of pee (e.g. the smell or the warmth). You might love the act of a partner letting go and experiencing so much pleasure that they relinquish all inhibition and release a warm liquid over your body (directly or through latex).”
For some people, O’Reilly suggests, it’s hot “because it’s naughty; we are punished or shamed for peeing ourselves and when we rewrite this script to make peeing pleasurable, it can be empowering and hot.”
Still other people enjoy it, she notes, as a form of Domination (“you might pee on your partner to mark your territory in a consenting dynamic”), as a form of punishment (“a partner might pee on you as part of a scene in which you’re chastised for being a bad girl/boy/lover/submissive/etc.”) or simply as a form of intimacy, by “sharing an act that is usually done in private.”
8. Choking Sex
Choking during sex is another practice that’s seemingly become increasingly common in recent years, although, unfortunately, the upshot of that is a lot of people being choked non-consensually.
Of course, it’s easy to “choke” a partner very lightly, without meaningfully impacting their oxygen intake. Sometimes the fantasy of having someone’s hand at your neck can be enough for people to get off on it.
For those seeking a more intense version, “There is no doctor-recommended way to practice asphyxiation during sex or masturbation,” Way wrote. “It’s high-risk every time and that is the appeal. However, you can reduce your risk of death by practicing with a trusted partner, using a safe word, keeping the belts and rope knots escapable, and do not asphyxiate while you are heavily intoxicated.”
“People have been choking themselves with objects during sex since the first reported case in 1791 in Prague,” she added, “but as asphyxiation fantasies become more visible, acceptable and practiced the discussion of these acts widens. But the danger (and there is a very real, intense danger) is what makes this one of the most taboo forms of sex.”
9. Exhibitionist Sex
“If there’s one taboo that virtually everyone is guilty of, it’s either being a voyeur or an exhibitionist,” Way wrote.
Knowing that other people can see you while you’re engaging in the act can be deeply exciting. Why else would so many people be curious about having sex in public? And yet it’s also something that there are literally laws against — so there’s no question that it’s still quite taboo on some level.
“Leaving the blinds open while you engage in your sexual dance may also leave you feeling sexually turned on, while others would rather die than have anyone catch them in the act,” Way noted. “But so long as you don’t get caught doing anything illegal when you’re having your voyeuristic or exhibitionistic episodes, knock yourself out.”
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