Couples Who Do These 6 Things Right Before Bed Have The Deepest Bond

Bedtime is the right time to nurture emotional intimacy and deepen your connection.

By Charles J. Orlando — Updated on Mar 23, 2023

Photo: Balaguta Evgeniya / Shutterstock

If you want to avoid divorce, you should pay attention.

When you first fell in love, you couldn’t get enough of each other. You spent time, money, and effort to stay connected.

But now the humdrum of life has reared its boring, same ol’, same ol’ head.

It happens to the best of us.

Communication shifts from “What do you want out of life?” to “What’s for dinner?” … “I want you so badly” becomes “Can you pick up Tommy from soccer practice?” And “I love you” becomes “I’ll be home late tonight.” Passion is replaced by errands. Intimacy is replaced by catching up on work on your laptop … in bed.

Before you know it, you are living separate lives.

Use bedtime to grow closer and build a deeper bond 

Study after study shows that being connected to someone — trust, honesty, and the ability to reveal private thoughts and feelings — reduces stress and feelings of loneliness. And intimacy can even lessen the adverse effects of certain psychological and medical conditions.

The combination of mind and body makes intimacy work for couples. It’s the power of seduction, of true mental connection, and of physical touch.

Rebuilding intimacy and connection won’t happen by itself. It takes effort … and there’s no better place to start than the bedroom.

Creating a connected and intimate bedtime routine can help you (both of you) get back to a place of connection, intimacy, and (dare I say it?) … FUN. (Umm … yeah …. Love, sex, and intimacy are supposed to be fun, remember?)

Here are six things couples who have the deepest bonds do before bed:

1. Go to bed at the same time

When our bedtime schedules don’t match, it’s often a matter of choice — like when someone stays up late to watch TV or work, while the other disappears into the dark recesses of the house.

Building a sense of connection requires being in the same place at the same time (duh). So make the choice to head to the bed together, maybe even hold hands as you go. Do this every single night, without fail. After all, retiring to the bedroom together means you’ll hit the sheets together.

And while you curl up …

2. Put your electronics away

Not only do our devices’ endless notifications disturb our REM sleep, but they also offer an imitation of connection.

Bedtime is an opportunity for real connection with the person right next to you—you know, the person you fell madly in love with and whom you’ve chosen to be your partner? Put your dang phone down … seriously. Make your bedroom a sanctuary, free from the noise of life, and watch your connection improve almost immediately.

3. Turn your nightly catch-up conversations into pillow talk

Dinner is done, the kids are asleep, and it’s time for the grown-ups to finally have a chance to catch up.

Instead of talking over dirty dishes or during commercial breaks, move your catch-up conversations to the bedroom. Discussing your day as you remove your clothes is cathartic, and allows you both to physically “remove” the day’s events and get back to what matters: each other.

4. Foreplay … before you enter the bedroom

Part of what makes great sex is the lead-up to the actual act.

But if you limit foreplay to the moments just before, it can start to feel like the same run-of-the-mill actions and activities. Next thing you know, you’re caught in a cycle of, “I’ll do this, you’ll do that, then we’ll sleep.”

Instead, start the day with a note on the mirror or an alluring text in the middle of the day for no reason, or maybe take out the trash before being asked (hey, you never know!). The point is to make your inner desire show outwardly, so they know that they are desired.

Commit to showing your love this way every single day, so that your partner is reminded as you head off to bed together that you believe they are special.

After all, one of the biggest turn-ons is being wanted … badly.

5. Explore new ways to touch

The best foreplay happens when you give just for the same of giving … and not just to receive something in return.

A long, slow massage can be a perfect way truly relax your partner, but it is also so much more than that. A massage can also help build anticipation, connecting you through touch to help grow the intimacy and trust between you. Not just once a week, but every night, as part of your bedtime routine.

It takes just a little touch to create sparks, and you’ll need a massage crème to make it smooth and sensual. 

6. Kiss goodnight every night

Unfortunately, it’s also an activity that disappears the fastest when relationships shift from passionate to compassionate love.

So kiss them — really kiss them, and re-ignite your connection. 

Deepening your connection with a fun, relaxing, and maybe even sexy bedtime routine can do wonders to revitalize a relationship.

And who knows? Maybe you’ll get less sleep … and like it.

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Charles J. Orlando is a bestselling author and relationship/interpersonal relations expert who has spent the last 10+ years connecting with tens of thousands of people. 

Source: YourTango