Str8Curious: How Do I Come Out as Bisexual?

I’m Finally Admitting It — I’m Bisexual. How Do I Come Out?

Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at [email protected]).

The Question

“I am a closeted bisexual and am afraid to come out because I don’t think people, including some members of the LGBTQ+ community, understand how it feels to be attracted to both sexes. They just assume that I’m gay and am not ready to fully accept myself. Any tips?” – Chris, Sonoma, CA

The Answer

I feel for bi guys. I really do.

For many of us gay men, coming out as bisexual was a gateway to gaydom because we assumed it would lessen the blow when we had “the conversation” with loved ones. We’d also convinced ourselves that if we could still get it up for women, then we could continue to be perceived as “normal” (at least by society’s rigid standards of masculinity and gender roles).

I was certainly guilty of taking this easier route. “How could I be completely gay if I idol-worship Adriana Lima?” I’d often ask myself. The reality was that I didn’t want to be with the supermodel stunner. Instead, I wanted to *be* her…or at least be her best friend so that we could kiki over mimosas at brunch or share skincare tips.

This way-too-common experience does such a disservice to those who are legitimately and genuinely bisexual. Bisexuality is not “gay but fearful or delusional” — it’s a category of sexuality in and of itself.

As with most things in life, nothing operates in extremes. Instead, there is a spectrum with many gray areas. And while I’d certainly label myself as a vagina-avoiding 6 (if 6 is the gayest on the Kinsey scale and 0 is the straightest), there are many dudes in the 2-4 range who may enjoy women just as much as men, or people whose genders don’t fit neatly into either box.

Now, more than ever, as the current administration targets the LGBTQ+ community and aims to eliminate some of its letters, it can feel even more difficult to accept yourself unconditionally.

But I’ll tell you one thing: You’ve got a whole lot of people in your corner. And angry ones, at that. You should just do it.

We are striving, daily, to foster an inclusive community and champion those who are slowly, but surely being dismissed by billionaires in positions of power. Waking up each day as your most authentic self will release a weight off your shoulders and, with time, you’ll find that it only attracts people who are worthy and deserving of your love and light.

This journey to self-acceptance is easier said than done, of course, but it’s important to remind yourself that we all only have one very short life to live. You don’t want to be on your deathbed thinking “damn, I really fell in love with Steve and we could have shared such a beautiful life together.”

It’s also important to remind yourself that the sexual activities you partake in behind closed doors are your business and not the only parts of your personality that define you. But if you feel as if your secret is coming to a head like an inflamed pimple, start by confidentially speaking with a therapist who can walk you through the process of incorporating this aspect of yourself into your public persona.

And remember, there are millions of other men in your position who are also ignoring the noise of hateful and inaccurate rhetoric to live their truths and find those willing to accept them with open arms.

I am one of those people. Just don’t invite me over to watch football or chug cheap beer. I have to draw the line somewhere.

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Source: AskMen