Do You Masturbate Too Often?

Lots of Guys Worry About Their Solo-Pleasure Habits. But Should You?

Do you masturbate too often?

It’s a question that lots of people wonder about themselves. But should they really be worried? If you talk to a sex expert today, they’ll tell you that you shouldn’t be.

“Unfortunately, there is a long history of people being misinformed regarding the negative effects of masturbation when there are rarely any negative effects at all,” says Anna Richards, sex educator and founder of FrolicMe.com.

“In the U.S., Europe, and many parts of the world, masturbation has been painted in a negative light due to religious conservatism, sex-negativity, and a desire to control people’s sexuality,” Richards adds. “While ‘masturbate and you’ll go blind’ may not be said as frequently, different versions of this myth still show up today: Masturbation and your penis won’t work, masturbate and you’ll get addicted to porn, etc.”

So is there any validity to the question? And if so, what can you do about it? AskMen spoke to several experts to find out. Here’s what they had to say:

Is It Possible to Masturbate Too Much?

The short answer is, yes, it is possible to masturbate too much.

But the longer answer is a fair amount more complicated. And before you read any further, you should know that the most likely answer is that you, personally, are not masturbating too much. But let’s explain.

“While masturbation is a normal and healthy sexual activity with numerous benefits such as stress relief, improved sleep, and enhanced mood, it is possible to masturbate too much,” says sexologist and relationship coach Lilithfoxx.

“Excessive masturbation can lead to physical issues like skin irritation, soreness, or even injury,” she notes. “It can also have psychological impacts if it becomes a compulsive behavior that interferes with daily life.”

“While there is no universal ‘normal’ amount of time spent masturbating, if it’s beginning to dictate or disrupt someone’s life or relationships, then it may be helpful to seek support or a sign that priorities need to shift,” says sex educator and Everlywell partner Emily Depasse, MSW, MEd.

Part of the question of whether someone is masturbating ‘too much’ comes down to the idea that there’s one, normal, average amount that people should or do engage in masturbation. But that is a complete falsehood.

The reality is that, like so much about the human experience, there’s a broad spectrum of how often people engage in self-pleasure, and almost all of the possible frequencies are perfectly fine, provided they’re not causing physical or psychological distress or interfering in your ability to function as desired.

“Pop culture references often portray masturbation, especially male masturbation, as excessive or obsessive,” says Dr. Farhan Malik, MD, owner and senior medical director at Prometheus by Dr. Malik. “This fuels misconceptions.”

“In reality, “ he says, “there is a wide range of frequencies that could be considered normal — from multiple times a day to hardly ever.”

The key to whether your habits constitute “too much” masturbation, then is purely a function of how they fit into the rest of your lifestyle.

What Does It Mean to Masturbate Too Much?

So what does it look like when your masturbation habits don’t fit into your lifestyle and are causing you problems?

“You are only masturbating too much if you are using masturbation in an unhealthy way,” says Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Fleshy and author of Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject. “In this case, there is likely an underlying issue like anxiety, depression, or trauma that would benefit from psychotherapy or sex therapy.”

According to Malik, unhealthy amounts of masturbation could look like:

“It’s interfering with work, relationships, or daily functioning,it’s being used to avoid other issues,it’s causing physical problems like skin irritation,you feel distressed if unable to do it.”

And Lilithfoxx adds the following:

“Feeling distressed, anxious, or guilty about the frequency of masturbation.”“If it disrupts sleep patterns, eating habits, or overall daily routine.”“If it leads to a decrease in interest or performance in partnered sexual activities.”

Emma Hewitt, sex educator at AdultToyMegastore, notes these concerns, additionally:

“Masturbation feels like a need, not something you do for enjoyment. Masturbation no longer feels pleasurable due to pain or a loss of sensation.”

Let’s break down some of these concerns a bit further, considering them in terms of psychological, physical and relational effects:

Psychological Concerns

Ultimately, the psychological concerns about potentially excessive masturbation really come down to: Is it making you feel bad?

Do you feel guilt, shame, self-hatred, sadness or some other negative emotion, or some combination of these? Do you attempt to address the urge to masturbate by engaging in self-harm, or otherwise punishing yourself? Do you see the frequency of your masturbating as making you a ‘bad person’?

If so, that’s definitely a concern. However, just because you’re feeling negatively about your masturbation habits doesn’t mean they necessarily need to radically change.

“If you are feeling bad about yourself because of your masturbation habits, you may be using masturbation in an unhealthy way,” says Weiss — or, she notes, you may need to simply “shift your mindset around it.”

If you’re feeling outsized guilt because of an upbringing that taught you that masturbation was bad, “which is common within some stricter religious communities,” says Kristin Trame, an intimacy advisor with Lover’s Lane, you may be able to develop a healthier relationship with self-pleasure by working to unlearn your feelings of shame around it.

However, if the frequency of your masturbation “feels out of control or is negatively impacting your life, it may be time to evaluate your relationship with the behavior and seek help from a counselor or therapist trained in compulsive behaviors,” Malik says.

Physical Concerns

There are many sex myths about the negative physical consequences of masturbation. And while the ideas that you might go blind or develop hair on your palms are complete nonsense, it doesn’t mean that you can’t experience certain negative effects.

“Physically, people can experience skin irritation and soreness because of the frequent friction,” says sex therapist Dr. Melissa Cook at FunWithFeet and Sofia Gray.

Some other less common physical signs, says Trame, can include:

“Decreased sensitivity of the penis or testicles,inflammation or swelling,injury, such as tissue damage or abrasions,ejaculation problems, [such as] delayed ejaculation or even inability to ejaculate with a partner.”

This last possibility is due to what’s known as “idiosyncratic masturbation,” according to Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a Kinsey-certified sexologist and tenured sex professor

That’s when your own masturbation technique of choice is something that a sexual partner couldn’t easily replicate.

Relational Concerns

While it’s true that high levels of masturbation can negatively affect your partnered sex life, there’s certainly no evidence that it’s a major concern — and you can try switching up your technique periodically if you’re worried.

One thing that may need to be addressed, if you’re open with your partner about your self-pleasure habits, is how your partner feels about them.

“If a man is partnered, he may receive concerns from his partner, too,” says Depasse. However, she explains, “It’s also important to note that just because a partner is uncomfortable with a man’s masturbation habits, it isn’t always indicative of a problem with masturbation itself, and could signal other challenges within the relationship.”

For instance, if your partner has a generally negative view of masturbation, or feels jealousy regarding your masturbatory fantasies or porn viewing, they may seek to shame you for your masturbation, even if it’s a perfectly normal and beneficial habit.

“If your partner is unhappy about your masturbation habits, this could reflect conflicting values or unmet needs on their end,” says Weiss, “and the couple would benefit from couples therapy or sex therapy.”

Masturbation & Sexual Shame

Unfortunately, feelings of sexual shame are pervasive in modern society, as many people grew up hearing — either explicitly, implicitly or both — that sex is dirty and bad, and anything associated with it is, too.

This can lead to people treating masturbation as a taboo behavior and a source of shame and guilt, despite the fact that it’s now understood by sexual and medical experts to be a perfectly normal practice with wide-ranging health benefits.

If a person believes, either consciously or unconsciously, that masturbation is bad and that they shouldn’t do it, it can make the experience much more fraught, especially for young people going through puberty whose hormones are in overdrive and leading them to feel sexual arousal with significant frequency.

That’s why Weiss believes that many people who worry that they’re masturbating too much may simply be under the impression that they shouldn’t be masturbating at all, when the reality is closer to the opposite.

“Many people who believe they are masturbating too much or using masturbation in an unhealthy way simply have shame that they could benefit from working through with a professional,” she says. “There is a poor correlation between who considers themselves to be sex or porn addicts and the amount of sex they’re having or porn they’re watching.”

“In other words, some people who engage in a lot of sex, masturbation, and porn usage experience no distress as a result, and some people who engage in these activities with an average frequency think they have a problem,” Weiss explains.

This may not be random either, she notes: “People who identify as sex addicts and porn addicts are disproportionately LGBTQ people who were raised religiously” — that is, people who may be more likely to have internalized sex-negative beliefs about their desires.

“Some people may have shame specifically concerning their fantasies or the porn they’re consuming,” Weiss adds, “in which case it helps to know there is no right or wrong fantasy, as long as it stays in your head, and to talk through what about the fantasy is bothering you.”

It’s also worth acknowledging that modern society has a pretty hypocritical relationship with sex and desire, Depasse notes.

“Even though sex is frequently used in advertisements, music, and sultry movie scenes, there is often a stigma and taboo around masturbation,” she says.

These mixed messages can be frustrating to navigate. If you’re living in a world where casual allusions to sex and highly manicured images of attractive people abound, it’s only natural that you’d periodically experience sexual arousal — and masturbation is a normal response to those feelings.

However, because of the taboo, people may not realize how common and normal masturbation actually is.

“In my experience, some people worry they masturbate too much simply because they don’t have an accurate frame of reference for what constitutes a normal amount,” says Malik. “Masturbation is very common, yet rarely discussed openly. This silence and stigma around self-pleasure can make people feel ashamed or abnormal for doing something that is actually quite normal.”

Beyond that, certain groups with anti-sex ideologies may try to shame people for masturbating. This is often the case with conservative or religious communities or organizations, but anti-masturbation sentiment is also common online today in spaces where men congregate digitally.

“Unfortunately, we’ve seen a rise in online conservative movements like NoFap getting a lot of attention and spreading misinformation to a wide audience,” Hewitt says. “There’s a lot of rhetoric saying that masturbation is bad for you and doing it shows a lack of self-control.”

“Masturbation is healthy and normal, but when you are being bombarded with information telling you otherwise, it can become hard to figure out what’s true and not,” she adds. “These groups thrive on making people feel guilty so even if someone masturbates once in a while, they can feel like a failure.”

Addressing Excessive Masturbation Habits

After reading all this, if you’re still worried about your masturbation habits and feel like you do need to change them, well, good news — it’s certainly possible.

1. Work on Your Feelings of Shame

As Weiss noted earlier, in many cases — perhaps the majority of cases — the main issue people who feel they’re masturbating too often face is internalized shame about sex, pleasure, desire, and arousal.

“Parse out whether the masturbation is actually a problem or whether you have internalized shame you need to work through,” says Weiss. “If you are using masturbation in a compulsive or unhealthy way, then it will be more beneficial to address the root cause — such as anxiety, shame, trauma, avoidance, or relationship conflict — than to focus on reducing the masturbation itself.”

If you ultimately conclude that you are masturbating too frequently and the negative feelings aren’t just coming from internalized shame, here are some other things you can do:

2. Identify Your Triggers

Next, you’ll want to identify your “triggers” — those feelings, moments or situations that lead to masturbation when they don’t need to.

“Think about why you are masturbating in the first place,” says Hewitt. “Are you masturbating because you are bored? For stress relief? Because you are horny?”

“Assess why they feel the need to masturbate frequently,” says Lilithfoxx. “Is it out of […] loneliness, or as a coping mechanism for emotional distress? Understanding the underlying cause can help address the behavior.”

“By identifying these triggers and then taking proactive steps to combat them with relaxation techniques or by engaging in hobbies, you can reduce the need for it,” says Cook.

“Becoming aware of when and why you masturbate allows you to anticipate urges and make better choices,” Malik adds.

3. Try to Set Limits

“Practically speaking,” says Trame, you can try to “set limits such as a maximum number of times to masturbate in a week.”

This may require a lot of willpower, but, for instance, writing down in a journal the maximum number of times you’d like to masturbate in a week could help motivate you.

Or, says Cook, you can set yourself a particular schedule for when you will and won’t masturbate, and then try and keep to it.

Malik adds taht “limiting devices in the bedroom and having tech-free time can remove temptation,” says Malik.

And of course, you’ll likely want to cut down on or avoid watching pornography, too.

4. Keep Yourself Busy

“People often masturbate not only when they’re eager to but when they’re bored,” says Suwinyattichaiporn.

That means that one way to beat back your masturbatory urges is to try to fill your days with more activity, so you’re spending less solo time at home.

“Hang out with friends and people you love to get a boost of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin,” Hewitt suggests. “These are the same hormones your brain releases when you orgasm. It’s a nice reminder that you can get that happy hit without needing to masturbate.”

Suwinyattichaiporn suggests that you “go out on a hike, hit the gym, hang out at the beach, start gardening, play board games,” while Depasse notes that things like “video games, developing a new hobby, or joining a community sport or local group” could also play this role.

This kind of enjoyable busy-ness “helps redirect energy into positive channels,” says Malik.

5. Engage in Mindfulness

On the flip side, making your life as active as possible isn’t always the right approach. Sometimes, moving towards calmness can be the better move, particularly if stress is a trigger for you.

“Practices such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing can help manage stress and reduce the urge to use masturbation as a coping mechanism,” says Lilithfoxx.

This approach “can help individuals to be more present in the moment and can help them to better control their impulses, while increasing personal awareness,” Cook adds.

6. Talk to a Trained Professional

“If someone is truly exhibiting what sex therapists call compulsive sexual behavior — where their masturbation and/or porn use feels out of control and interferes with their relationship or life — then a qualified professional can help them look at what need this behavior is fulfilling and help them to find other ways to fulfill it,” says Richards.

“A good therapist will help you do this without demonizing masturbation and will help you to develop a healthy, sex-positive relationship with self-pleasure,” she adds.

While there are tons of different approaches, “Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing compulsive behaviors,” Lilithfoxx notes.

However, Rhiannon John, sexologist at Bedbible.com, says that “the issue of ‘sex addiction’ is highly contentious, and while it hasn’t been proven by scientists, many people and organizations offer solutions that aren’t evidence-based and can actually do more harm than good.”

“So,” John notes, “be sure to reach out to someone who understands the issue well and can support you with evidence-based tools and techniques.”

7. Seek Help From Others

If you don’t have the budget to talk to a professional, other people who care about you or are in similar situations may be able to offer help.

Trame notes that there are “12-step programs like Sexaholics Anonymous that can be a source of community-based support,” for instance.

“If you have a partner, you could use this time to connect with them,” says Malik. Engaging in more together time, sexual or otherwise, could help you spend less time masturbating.

Ultimately, “the goal isn’t necessarily to stop masturbating entirely but to return it to balance,” says Malik. “Be patient with yourself, as change takes time.”

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Source: AskMen