The only way to get a man is to think like one.
By Marla Martenson — Last updated on Jul 02, 2023
Photo: Getty Images
Believe it or not, there are some ways women can benefit from taking a cue from their male counterparts.
Relationship expert John Gray says that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and I agree. But learning how to think like a man has its benefits when it comes to dating.
In fact, some of the best dating advice for women can be learned from their behaviors. So, let’s take a look at what our Martian brothers seem to know about dating that we don’t.
Here are 6 reasons why men are better at dating than women, and what you can learn from them:
1. They keep the drama to a minimum
Men tend to keep their personal business to themselves rather than seek attention for it. They strive to be brave and show no weakness, only strength.
Women often remark about their partners, “Getting him to talk about his problems is like pulling teeth.”
But by nature, men are self-controlled and competitive; they keep their emotions to themselves.
Women are hard-wired to talk about their feelings, which might be one of the reasons why we live longer. We don’t hold things in. But we can learn to tone this tendency down within our relationships by sometimes choosing to write in a journal or talk with a therapist, spiritual counselor, or girlfriend instead.
In her book, Enchanted Love, Marianne Williamson writes, “There’s nothing more powerful than a woman who knows how to contain her power and not let it leak, standing firmly within it in mystery and silence. A woman who talks too much sheds her allure.”
2. They take care of themselves first
Men aren’t ready to take care of your problems, clean your house, run your errands, and rub your feet after the first date.
Men generally prefer to take care of themselves first. For a man, listening to a woman’s problems is a lot of work because he feels like he has no choice but to solve all of them.
Women are more naturally inclined to be nurturing caregivers. It is a wonderful quality be to caring and loving, but don’t be afraid to be a bit selfish by taking care of yourself first and letting a man fend for himself.
Women also seem to believe that the more they do for a man, the more he will appreciate her and want to be with her. Not so. He may be grateful, but there’s no guarantee that he’ll respect you. It’s more likely he will expect you to start taking care of all of the details, all of the time.
When in the early stages of dating, never do for a man what he can do for himself or hire someone to do.
You are not a maid, a caterer, an errand runner, or a laundromat. You have a life and a career to tend to as well. Of course, it’s great to reciprocate if he takes you out a lot. Be a classy person like you would with a girlfriend, but there’s no need to act like his mommy, jumping in and taking care of everything.
3. They take their time easing into relationships
Men usually don’t want to be exclusive with a woman after only one or two dates. They prefer to keep their options open and see what else is out there.
I am always a bit surprised when a woman calls me up and says, “Marla, don’t match me up anymore, I just met someone and we really hit it off, he’s everything that I’m looking for, thanks.”
Or worse, when I match a woman with one of my male clients and after the first date, she doesn’t want to meet anyone else, but I know for a fact that he is still dating to see who he feels the most chemistry with.
I tell these ladies to date like men and keep their options open. If it doesn’t work out with this guy who is everything you are looking for, you will still be out there meeting people and have a few irons in the fire. You won’t feel as hurt or disappointed if he moves on when you have other options.
4. They don’t feel a need to discuss everything all the time
Men don’t talk about their relationships or where things are going as often as women do. They are more into action than words.
I personally don’t believe in love at first sight. However, I do believe in lust at first sight. Just see how things go, let him prove himself to you, and make sure that he has the qualities that you are looking for in another person. And if you have to ask where the relationship is going, frankly, it’s goin’ nowhere.
I hear women all of the time referring to their boyfriend, or talking about how they are in a relationship with a guy, and they just met him three weeks ago! Until you have been dating exclusively for at least a few months, you are not in a relationship, you are dating the guy.
I remember talking to one of my girlfriends once about the guy she was dating and she said testily, “We’re not dating, we’re together.”
‘Oh, excuse me,’ I thought. They weren’t married, living together, or engaged, so I would call that dating.
5. They’re less like to overanalyze small details
Women will try to figure out what a guy meant when he said this or that, or what it meant that he called at a certain time. It’s exhausting.
Men just go on their merry way, dating and having a good time while women drive themselves crazy trying to be a psychic, psychiatrist, and mind reader about every little thing he says or does.
Men don’t expect other men to talk about much when they are together. They don’t ask each other about their day, what they did at work, or who is dating whom. No, they just want to shoot the breeze about topics like sports, cars, the stock market, etc.
6. They aren’t ashamed to date up
They have no problem expecting to date a woman with supermodel looks while they themselves could stand to hit the gym and lose fifty pounds. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to have the self-esteem of a man? I know that I am speaking to every one of you wonderful ladies out there who are constantly checking themselves out in the mirror to see if you look fat in your pants. I do the same thing.
I have not once heard a man — whether he was my friend, boyfriend, or husband — mention or ask me whether he looked fat or if I liked his hair or outfit. Most men are perfectly fine with the way they look. They are what they are, and they happily go about their business of trying to pick up a smoking-hot woman, so much so that they will hold off getting married for years and years until they find exactly what they want. I have had countless male clients who were forty-five plus and had never been married.
On the other hand, women often date down. They think time may be running out to find a husband, or they are lonely, or there aren’t many single men left so they go ahead and date or marry someone with qualities less than they would like.
I would urge these women to act like men: Keep your cool, and wait for someone to knock your socks off.
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Marla Materson is an award-winning author, spiritual life coach, matchmaker, energy healer, and intuitive reader.