You need to make her feel loved every day, not just on Valentine’s Day.
By James Fell
Last updated on Feb 01, 2024
Photo: Gorodenkoff / Shutterstock
There’s this crazy idea that if you fail Valentine’s Day, you shall never be deemed a good boyfriend, lover, or husband. Toil mightily in the quest for February intimacy, or be shunned and forced to self-gratify in solitary bitterness forevermore. So, no pressure. Crazy idea: Try being romantic year-round and forget this over-hyped day. The biggest things that couples fight about are money, intimacy, work, children, and chores.
Here are 5 tiny relationship tips that matter:
1. Spend money on things that matter
Fiscal responsibility is hot because it helps alleviate stress. Being broke is stressful and therefore kills libido. Work together as a team to budget effectively. Learn to gain happiness through your relationship instead of buying more and more useless stuff. Who cares if your stupid iPhone doesn’t talk when you have a real person to talk to while you’re both undressed?
2. Remember that experiences are more fulfilling than things
Think about how you rather would have played a game with your family, rubbed your significant other’s feet, or taken an extra day off here and there to hang out instead of spending more time slaving away over a spreadsheet in a cube farm.
Photo: Anete Lusina/Pexels
3. Be on the same page when it comes to raising your kids
And I’m not just talking about the conception part. You need to be on the same page in terms of how they’re raised. Never try to win your child to your side against the other parent. The best style of parenting is us versus them. Give your kids a chance to divide and conquer, and they will conquer you both. Bonus advice: women think dads playing with their children is attractive.
4. Don’t use chores as a comparison
You worked all day, but they probably did, too. Think of it as the path of least resistance. Scrubbing some things and dragging a vacuum around and throwing in a load of laundry or unloading the dishwasher is easier than constantly arguing or stressing out about what a pit you live in.
Comparing who did what is a wasted effort that harms relationships. What’s more, it helps if you consider the calories burned from the added workout of not living in a dumpster with a TV and a roof.
5. Show your partner you love them in ways other than being intimate
More important is to consider your partner in an intimate light with regularity, and not just for five minutes at a time when you’re turned on. Show affection, write love notes/send love texts, rub her neck with no expectations, never pass up an opportunity for a quick touch or even a grope, shower together and cuddle often, don’t pout if she’s not in the mood, and don’t make it seem like you just want intimacy. Let her know that what you want is her; that your desire is born out of a love to be with her.
Boycott Valentine’s Day by spreading it out with the cumulative effect of 365 days of smaller acts of love and romance.
And what will I be doing this Valentine’s Day for my wife? Some pretty romantic stuff, actually, including writing a love letter, giving her flowers, sending the kids off somewhere, and making her a nice dinner for just the two of us.
This is because we’ll be celebrating the 21st anniversary of me offering her a sparkly little rock and asking her to put up with me until I’m on the wrong side of the dirt. The fact that it happens to be February 14th is purely coincidental.
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James S. Fell is an internationally syndicated fitness columnist. He has authored columns in the Los Angeles Times and Chicago Tribune for several years.
This article was originally published at James Fell’s website. Reprinted with permission from the author.