Wondering if your love life is really that bad? Look for these signs.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Sep 18, 2023
Photo: PrasongTakham | pink panda | Shutterstock
As someone who has struggled quite a bit in the love arena, I can tell you that it is rough out there. It’s gotten worse and worse. Most people seem to be stuck in a weird cycle where they try to prove that they care less than the person they want to date.
It’s kind of a weird situation we’re all in. The truth is that there are a lot of problems that come with modern dating. It’s easy to feel hopeless, especially when you haven’t gotten a date in ages.
Believe it or not, you still could be making progress even if you’re not off the market. These signs suggest you’re actually doing better than you think.
Here are 5 signs you’re actually doing really well in love:
1. You don’t feel like you need a partner.
It is okay to want a partner. It is okay to feel like you are not getting anything for your efforts in the dating scene and to feel like you were cheated as a result. It’s okay to worry about being single.
It’s not okay to need a partner. The difference here is the want and need. Trust me when I say I hate being single. Like, with a passion. However, when you need a partner, the dynamic in your life changes. It turns into one of desperation.
When you are desperate, people are not going to want to deal with you — even if you have a lot to offer. As bad as it is in terms of humanity’s nature, humans are hardwired to want what they can’t have. We crave exclusivity and unavailability.
That’s why desperation isn’t attractive. If you know you want a partner but are okay with not having one, congrats. You’re doing way better than a large portion of singles out there.
2. You have a support network outside of a partner.
Did you know that we are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic? It’s true, and it actually is causing physical damage. If the only person you talk to in life is a date or potential partner, then you are not doing well.
In fact, you should put dating on the back burner until you find friends — either online or IRL. When you expect your partner to be your whole social life, you will end up making them feel smothered. It also makes you feel insecure when he’s/she’s out with friends.
Basically, having no support network puts you at a huge disadvantage life-wise and dating-wise.
3. You actually go outside to meet up with people.
I don’t care how many people tell me otherwise. Going out to the club and getting wasted with friends are two of the most healthy things I did as a younger person. Do you know why? Because I got friends and social skills from it.
It doesn’t matter if you are out moshing at a show or going to a game tournament. If you are getting out of the house and actively interacting with people of all genders, you are doing better than a LOT of people these days.
Anxiety has made a lot of people total shut-ins. And sadly, that puts them in a position prone to media that could make them hateful, encourage extremism, and further isolate them. That’s not good.
4. You won’t settle for just anyone.
I’m a believer in keeping very high standards for the people you have in your circles. That is doubly true when it comes to dates. Both men and women should vet their partners thoroughly.
When I was single, I often would settle for people who weren’t ideal. I overlooked traits that should have been warning signs, simply because I wanted to believe in the best in people.
That never worked out well. It got me hurt and used. If you are the type of person who is able to block and cut off people when they treat you badly or just don’t fit the bill, you’re doing a lot better than most.
5. You know what you want and are open to pursuing it.
I’ll be honest. Most men (and some women) I meet do not know what they want. They think they know what they want. They want the status of being married as well as the Kodak moments. They may also want other things.
But, let’s be real. The vast majority of people do not want the commitment, the increased workload they have to do, nor do they know what they truly want in a partner. It’s a two-way street!
It’s better to realize you’re not a “relationship” person and be honest about what you really want than to end up in a relationship you hate. Too many people corner themselves because they got into a relationship they really didn’t want.
If you are a relationship person, work to be a better partner for the time when you do find someone. If you’re not, it’s fine to be a loner! If you aren’t sure what you want, ask yourself why you want it and be honest with yourself. You might be surprised.
The bottom line?
Romantic success does not always mean that you have a partner. There are tons of people whose relationships hurt them more than they improve their lives. There are also tons of people who don’t know why they want what they think they want.
At the end of the day, romantic success is more about being content with who you are (alone or together) than it is about how your intimate life is going. Being happy in your situation is a lot harder than people make it to be, and it’s time we as a society acknowledge that.
The sooner we redefine what success is, the healthier and happier we become.
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Zodiac Signs That Are Terrible At Relationships (And Why)20 Little Things Women Do That Guys *Secretly* LoveThe Perfect Age To Get Married, According To Science5 Little Ways Men Wish They Could Be Loved — Every Single Day
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.