Pay attention to these signs, and you might be able to cut him off at the pass.
By Kelly P. Crossing
Last updated on Sep 08, 2023
Photo: Syda Productions | Canva
Here’s the deal: your boyfriend/husband will have a social life. So will you. He’ll have friends and some of them will probably be women.
The confident woman who is secure in herself, her capabilities, and her desirability usually isn’t fazed by this. But what if he regularly texts his female friends? Should you be concerned? Is this a bad sign of things to come?
Maybe. Maybe not.
It’s perfectly okay for someone in a committed relationship to communicate with friends — regardless of whether those friends are women or men.
A man who is in love with a woman won’t mind telling his friends about his girlfriend or wife, he should always make it abundantly clear to any woman he’s talking to that he’s in a committed relationship already. If he hasn’t done this, then this raises the question of why he hasn’t told them about you.
He should also let you in on his friendships with other people, too, regardless of whether they’re men or women. However, when is it reasonable to be concerned about his friendship habits?
Here are 4 major signs your man’s ‘friend’ is about to become his mistress:
1. He texts his woman friend for long periods of time … or late at night.
This is bad news. If he’s devoting excessive amounts of time to texting one particular friend — a female one at that — and doing so late at night, it’s very possible things could cross beyond platonic relations.
2. He deletes certain text conversations or suddenly decides to password-lock his phone (without a credible excuse).
This is another huge red flag. If he’s deleting texts, it almost certainly means something’s going on he doesn’t want you to know about. If this is a regular, consistent thing he does, be wary of what he might be up to with his so-called friend.
3. Important elements of your relationship have slowed down or changed dramatically.
Have you noticed he isn’t as interested in being close to you as he used to be? Is there no apparent explanation for this (stress from work, for example)? If so, he might be devoting some of his emotional energy to someone else. While this “red flag” doesn’t definitively prove anything, all of these red flags taken together should clue you in on the fact that something may be going on.
4. He’s talking to other women friends about issues he should be talking to you about.
If your man is suddenly clamming up about problems at work, or issues in his home life, but his female “friend” seems to have all of the details, this is a warning sign. A man should trust his partner first and foremost to be his confidant. It might be a sign he’s forming a connection with another woman — definitely a big red flag.
So what can you do?
If you are uncomfortable with how much he talks to other women — or the way he talks to them — have a conversation with him and gauge his response. If he’s understanding and reasonable, then you probably don’t need to worry. But if he becomes defensive or hostile and mad at you, this may be a deflection tactic.
Remember this: A woman in a healthy relationship will be able to communicate with her partner about things that make her uncomfortable — and she should be able to do this freely and without being the target of hostility.
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Kelly P. Crossing is an experienced counselor and relationship expert who specializes in helping women build the lives and relationships they want by understanding their driving needs and how to meet them.