This is Part 3 in our series on Tim Ferriss’ NOBNOM challenge — that’s 30 days of no booze and no masturbating. Writer Bobby Box bravely attempted the challenge — for science.
It’s done. I made it! Thirty whole days without booze and masturbation. Which means I can finally touch myself without society’s heated glance pouring down on me like streetlights after curfew. Yes, I’m being a tad dramatic, but it’s been an entire month since I’ve touched myself, and not many of us can say this about ourselves passed the age of 14.
I already have my entire day planned, and though I’m sure you can probably guess what I’ll be doing, I’ll tell you in a bit more detail: I will cordon myself off in my living room, blinds drawn, open a case of beer, and marathon porn on the big screen as if it were streaming on Netflix. I’ve considered renting out a room to avoid mess, but I have too much respect for the cleaning staff.
What I Learned
Yes, despite all that this challenge has taught me (which I will definitely get to), I’ve decided that masturbation and drinking are still things I’d like to take part in, just not as often — especially the former. As I’ve mentioned in this column, prior to the challenge, I would masturbate daily; sometimes more than once a day. But what this was doing, I came to learn, was keeping me from pursuing sex — like, actual sex. Masturbating was too easy, and it became my Plan A, when it should have been Plan B.
Thanks to the challenge I’ve started talking to a blast from the past. She moved away for school years ago, but has since come back. I’m not solely pursuing her for sex (we haven’t had sex since reuniting, though I definitely wouldn’t have turned it down) but this challenge has given me something more productive to do with my time. And that’s to pursue a potential relationship with someone I had and am starting to have feelings for.
I don’t want to say NOBNOM has given me a new lease on love, because that’s far too profound, but it’s definitely put things into perspective. Now I’m willing to gamble on facing rejection on someone I’d like to get to know further instead of hiding behind a laptop that should probably be tossed into a fire for sanitation purposes.
As with forgoing booze, I mean, yes, I guess the claim that this challenge will make you more productive makes sense. I would wake up earlier on weekends without having to demolish a bottle of Gatorade, and I wouldn’t have to call up a buddy to come grab me so I could pick up my truck. But the truth is, booze is for the weekend, and it’s important to enjoy yourself every now and then. I don’t touch other substances, so booze was my go-to. I’m no robot.
However, the biggest impact I’ve noticed since experiencing a booze-free month is, in addition to myself (I’ve eaten horribly since the challenge began), my wallet’s become fatter. You never really realize how much money the stuff costs until it doesn’t, and I’ve saved considerable cash these last four weeks.
Will this challenge impact my habits moving forward? Concerning masturbation, most definitely. Now that I’ve experienced the benefits thatforgoing masturbation provides, I am definitely going to limit my stick-spanking sessions to two to three times per week — instead of seven. If I can limit these further, I will, but I don’t see that happening unless I find myself a significant other, or at the very least, a friend with benefits.
As for drinking, I’m just looking forward to not having to entertain my friends’ drunken conversations and being the DD. They owe me now, so I’m expecting full car service on my first night out after the challenge.
Is It Worth It?
Now, I’d like to address a question I posed in my first column: Is NOBNOM worth it? For me, personally, no, it wasn’t. Though it’s not such a resounding no as I declared in my second week. 30 days without masturbation and booze was not worth the rewards that were promised (according to Tim Ferriss, the founder of NOBNOM, benefits include a 50-100% increase in productivity, a rush of testosterone, etc.) though many would argue it totally is.
The message board serves as a literal shrine to Ferriss, which I remain skeptical of. People absolutely love him, and it would appear nobody’s willing to disagree with the guy. I personally viewed this challenge as a fail, but I’m definitely in the minority.
Most men are saying they’ve never felt or looked better, and some claim it’s changed their lives. Who knew masturbation held such power over us? And who’s to say it does? Are we all such fans of Ferriss that we delude ourselves to help him succeed? The man does do great work, I’ll admit; I’m just not so sure this challenge is what it was cracked up to be. Ferriss’ involvement on the NOBNOM’s message board was scarce, and considering the man has over 530,000 followers on Twitter, just over 5,000 signed up for the challenge. Which is, well, unimpressive, to say the least.
Regardless though, the challenge is over and I’m looking forward to both touching my johnson and boozing it up a little, I’ve earned it, and I’m very curious what an orgasm after 30 days without one is going to feel like. So I guess that does it. Thanks for reading, gentlemen, and if AskMen has any more challenges for me to take on, I’ll be happy (well, willing) to oblige.