If your date seems like an idiot, you’re probably right.
By Charles J. Orlando — Updated on Mar 24, 2023
Photo: Pressmaster / Shutterstock
Whether you met online or in aisle three at the grocery store, success on a first date is all about what to do and when to do it.
The pressure for men to put their best foot forward on a first date is huge, so he needs to get things right. But how a man does that is very much related to his self-perception.
Is he considerate? Generous with his time? Upbeat and engaged? Hey, good for you! Enjoy the date.
On the other hand, if he’s not any of those things — if he is instead rude, obnoxious, sort of smelly, arrogant, or aloof — you might want to arrange for a quick and early escape.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to spot men who only care about showing what they perceive as their strength, confidence, and their Super Ultra Alpha Male status right from the start. If you suspect a guy you’re dating for the first time might be an idiot … you’re probably right.
Here are 14 first-date signs you’re dating an idiot:
1. He uses a profile picture from his college days
How his mind works: “You looked your best then, right? And, even though you graduated more than 10 years ago, you looked great. Don’t worry — everyone does it. As Neil Strauss said in his bestseller The Game: “It’s not lying; it’s flirting.” So flirt! And besides, you’re competing for her attention. You need every advantage.”
2. He’s late
How his mind works: “Being on time is for Betas. Be a real man. You decide when the date starts. You get there when you are good and ready. She needs to know who the boss is right from the start.”
3. He doesn’t come to the door to pick you up
How his mind works: “Come on, there’s an app for this. Show her you’re able to use your phone for something besides porn. Text her from the car and let her walk out to meet you. There’s no sense in walking up and then both of you walking back to the car. Besides, her calves will look great after she walks solo to your ride.”
4. He picks you up right after his workout
How his mind works: “Women love it when a man sweats, and that scent of musty man funk is just what the doctor ordered. Be sure to adjust your junk as she opens the door — you know, let the boys breathe a bit. Then, clear out your sinuses and hack that post-workout phlegm out your car window.”
5. He doesn’t have a plan for the date
How his mind works: “Women are difficult. Let her pick everything — you know, so she doesn’t complain about what she hates to do or eat. When she says, “Where are we going?” the best answer is, “I dunno. Where do you want to go?” She’ll love that, and she’ll appreciate being completely in charge of everything. (Bonus: Remind her that it’s not passive-aggressive by sighing loudly when she gets frustrated with you. It shows you’re listening.)”
6. He talks about himself — a lot
How his mind works: “She wants to know you, right? So tell her! Tell her about how much money you make, how your “other car” is in the shop, and about the awesome house you live in. And, give her a taste of your vocabulary! Dropping a liberal dose of four-letter, F- and S- words will let her see how passionate you are. (Pro tip: Reinforce the fact that you almost swiped left when you saw her pic on Tinder. That should knock her attitude down to where it needs to be.)”
7. He insults his ex
How his mind works: “Make sure she knows that your ex was the worst and that you won’t stand for any of that from here on out. It’s important she know your limits and her place right out of the gate.”
8. He’s detached or unattainable
How his mind works: “Show her pictures of other women you’ve dated since then and show her your type. She needs to know you’re a hot commodity.”
9. He takes calls and answers texts at the table
How his mind works: “You’re an important guy, and many people are trying to reach you … so answer! She needs to see that you’re in high demand. Let her experience how many other women want you. It will make her competitive and she’ll vie for your affections. (Handy Tip: Have your friends call and text you, also. You can make plans with them while on the date. She needs to get used to your Boys’ Nights Out anyway.)”
10. He’s rude or abusive to the wait staff
How his mind works: “If you take her to dinner, make sure and show her that you’re in charge. The wait staff is there to serve you, so make them serve. If anything is messed up on your order, be sure to scowl, then scold the waiter or waitress in a loud tone so they know you run things. Then, tip two percent. Or, better yet, stiff them LOL.”
11. He doesn’t pay 100 percent of the bill
How his mind works: “No need for all that courtship and chivalry crap. Show her you value gender equality by letting her pay for dinner. And order the steak and a $150 bottle of wine to relate your confidence in your decision.”
12. He ostentatiously walks you to the door when it ends
How his mind works: “It’s the only way you’ll get a kiss so tough it out, champ. A kiss on Date No. 1 leads to sex on Date No. 2, so play this right.”
13. He’s an over-aggressive first kisser
How his mind works: “Let her know you’re there. Lean in aggressively and plant a wet one right on her. Make sure you use your tongue a lot and let your hands wander where you please. She won’t mind.”
14. He says he’ll call but doesn’t
How his mind works: “She needs to chase you. You gave her the privilege of your company. She needs to get with the program and make the next move. If you’re unclear about what to do at any point, just hang tight until you’re introduced to her best friend (usually around Date No. 4). You can test what you’re thinking of on her best friend — even sex. After all, no one knows your new girlfriend better than her friends.
Above all: Be strong and be mysterious. She needs to recognize greatness … and you are obviously it. And if you set the bar low enough, the only way to go is up!”
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Charles J. Orlando is a bestselling author and relationship/interpersonal relations expert who has spent the last 10+ years connecting with thousands of people.