Things That You Shouldn’t Try in Bed Without Asking
6 Things Guys Absolutely Need to Stop Trying in Bed Without Asking First
6 Things Guys Absolutely Need to Stop Trying in Bed Without Asking First
Keeping things fresh and exciting in the bedroom is absolutely key to a fun and fulfilling sex life.
But whether you’re sleeping with someone for the first or 500th time, consent for whatever fun new thing you want to try is an absolute must.
As in, you need to tell your partner with your words what you’d like to do, get an enthusiastic “yes” in response, and check in with them throughout the new experience to make sure they’re still on board.
Sounds simple enough, right?
But unfortunately, some guys aren’t getting it — as people who sleep with men point out in this article.
Whether they’re getting their inspiration from rough porn they’ve watched or other sex partners, some sex acts have become normalized in ways that can lead to seriously unpleasant and non-consensual experiences for men’s partners.
So, in no particular order, here are some common moves that need to be deleted from your repertoire — unless you have explicit consent from your partner:
1. “Surprise” Anal
If you want to have anal sex with your partner, pretending not to understand basic anatomy is not the way.
It’s truly wild that some people with penises would rather pretend they don’t understand female anatomy than ask their partner for anal. But here we are.
“I always thought this was just something that happened in movies or porn until my college boyfriend tried to act confused,” says Brynn, 24. “I wasn’t expecting it, and it ended up turning me off from ever wanting to try anal in the future.”
Anal is something that requires advance preparation for the person being penetrated — both in terms of using lube and also given that, unsurprisingly, the place you defecate from is very private and not always fit for attention at a moment’s notice.
Playing with someone’s butt, or penetrating it, can be a ton of fun for all parties involved, but it’s never OK to do it without warning or consent.
2. Slapping
Spanking may be relatively common in porn, but being slapped — whether on the face or on the ass — is not something that everyone enjoys. If you don’t know that your partner wants it ahead of time, you have to ask.
“I hooked up with a guy on a first date who slapped me unexpectedly,” says Leann, 29. “If he had asked me, I would’ve said yes, but we barely knew each other at the time, and it made me feel disrespected instead of turned on.”
3. Choking
Like spanking, choking is a common feature in porn these days, and it’s true that being choked during sex can be a big turn-on for many people.
But the fact of the matter is that choking is a genuinely dangerous act, no matter what context it’s occurring in, so if it happens without consent, it can be genuinely terrifying — even if it’s being done by someone you otherwise trust.
“My current partner did this once a few months into our relationship,” says Kayla, 26. “He’d had a few drinks and maybe didn’t realize how scary it was for me. We talked about it afterward, but if you’re in a relationship where you’re physically stronger than your partner, you have to ask them, especially about stuff like this.”
Even well-intentioned consensual choking can go seriously wrong. Do not, under any circumstances, try it out without warning.
4. Spitting
Swapping spit while French kissing may be a time-honored tradition for adolescents, but spitting in someone’s mouth, on their face or on their body during sex is a different thing entirely.
It may be less taboo than other bodily fluids, but your saliva is still, well, a bodily fluid — not everyone wants it to end up on them without warning.
“One time, a guy shined my ass with his spit like it was a shoe,” says Mackenzie, 31. “I was so confused, to be honest. I just got dressed and left.”
So, if spitting is a kink you’re into, let your partner in on it before you let it out.
5. Degrading Dirty Talk
As they say, the brain is the biggest sex organ — which means it’s not surprising that some hot dirty talk can really get people going.
But not all dirty talk is created equal. While some people are into things like name-calling and humiliation talk, not everyone is, and if you try that out without warning, it’s likely to seriously backfire.
“There was never any discussion about whether or not I’d be comfortable with terms like that,” says Kyle, 29. “I didn’t answer his texts for days after this happened, and when I finally did, he made it like I was being overly sensitive.”
6. Any Move That “Worked on Your Ex”
Do you want to know what really makes a person a great lover? It isn’t knowing “one special move.” It’s knowing that every person enjoys sex differently, and having the willingness and enthusiasm to learn what turns them on — without running on autopilot.
Unfortunately, some guys get so excited when they learn what really works for one person that they assume the exact same thing or things will also work for someone else.
“Doing the same thing you’ve always done in bed without ever asking your partner what they want is the worst type of sex,” says Andi, 26.
Ultimately, you’ll never know what your partner is into unless you ask. If you ask, doors open, you two can talk about what you’re down for and what’s not cool, and the sex will be great. Don’t skip this step.
Porn Moves You Should Seriously Avoid in Real LifeCommon Sex Mistakes Men Make How to Talk About Consent With a Partner — Plus Examples
Source: AskMen
